tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6562281218287648674.post7825921637559178429..comments2024-03-06T14:38:23.226-08:00Comments on And then she recovered.......: SetbackRuby Tuesdayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15078080281794429051noreply@blogger.comBlogger20125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6562281218287648674.post-57771011089367782342014-07-02T06:19:23.169-07:002014-07-02T06:19:23.169-07:00I have stolen, but I am unsure why I did it. When ...I have stolen, but I am unsure why I did it. When I was young, I used to steal money from my dad to buy candy, but I grew out of that quickly. Then I guess I started to steal nail polish from local shops. I sneak a lot.. In my house I don't want people to hear me as I move about, and any time I get food, I usually sneak that and hide while I eat because I am so wrapped up in my ED, and besides... Nobody wants to watch the fat girl eat... *sigh* Sorry. I hope this makes sense. Take it however you would like to, and I wish you the best of times to come. Xx<br />-JJ (:https://www.blogger.com/profile/16854580067069026012noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6562281218287648674.post-22010303886758980592014-07-02T05:12:18.435-07:002014-07-02T05:12:18.435-07:00We ALL do stuff we're ashamed of. No one is pe...We ALL do stuff we're ashamed of. No one is perfect. Someone else already said it, but setbacks happen when we try to improve ourselves. You won't help anything by beating yourself up about it. Be remorseful, yes. Learn a lesson, sure. but don't let it eat away at you for too long. It's been a few days & I hope you're feeling better about it.Seeking Something Elsehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02906222799785089007noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6562281218287648674.post-2747333463473092482014-06-29T19:34:36.519-07:002014-06-29T19:34:36.519-07:00Would it help at all to return the clothes? Maybe ...Would it help at all to return the clothes? Maybe just mail them anonymously or go back and leave them somewhere without telling anyone? Or (and I have no idea if you have somewhere to do this) could you donate them to a charity?<br /><br />I only ever shoplifted food. I would pick stuff up and put it in my purse. I'd eat it walking around the store and not pay. I don't really know why.. I think in some way I felt guilty spending so much on binge food. Or really I couldn't afford to binge. My bank account would be empty, so I maxed out a credit card. My parents would keep buying my food thinking it helped. <br /><br />I stopped for a while. Then I remember one day just deciding to do it. I think I had been at a dietitian appointment just before, and I usually didn't leave in a good mood. Anyway, this time it wasn't a candy bar or piece of cake (yes I did manage to hide a piece of cake in my purse). I filled a whole basket with binge food.. and I decided to just walk out.<br /><br />I stopped because I got caught. A manager saw me. I tried to make up lies about not bagging it and having paid but not kept the receipt. That obviously didn't work. She had another manager come over. He looked through the basket (I know from another job what they do depends on how much you tried to steal) and asked if I could pay for the stuff, so I did. The 1st manager made some comment about me never being allowed in that store.<br /><br />I was terrified. I threw the food out when I got home. I had started throwing away binge food/evidence in a neighbor's trash can so my parents wouldn't see. What's really screwed up is I went back and dug some back out of the trash can and binged anyway.<br /><br />Being caught stopped me. It was a horrible experience. I only told my dietitian. Nobody else knows. I am still terrified of that store even though I've been in there and not seen that manager and i look different now. I hold onto guilt for a long time, whether or not I should feel guilty. And guilt is pretty powerful sometimes I guess. hiding_in_publichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17519626038177878643noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6562281218287648674.post-74717293538235840242014-06-29T14:11:41.322-07:002014-06-29T14:11:41.322-07:00I have shoplifted food in the past and was caught ...I have shoplifted food in the past and was caught on 2 separate occasions. What made me stop was the realisation that i was lucky to escape a criminal record and i would probably not be so lucky if it was to happen again. The shame i feel is massive so i can understand how you are feeling but its important that you don't beat yourself up about it. You have made some massive changes with regards to your ED over the last few months but how much have you actually done to address the underlying causes of it? Your behaviours have improved but what takes their place? However harmful they are, they served a purpose at the time. There are not many things in life that give the instant feeling you can get from purging or in fact shoplifting. The way i see it, its just your minds way of getting that fix because you haven't yet found a healthy way to deal with life xxxgymmonsterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18025003841936886879noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6562281218287648674.post-21169017389421126912014-06-29T10:53:08.533-07:002014-06-29T10:53:08.533-07:00I've done that too Aurelia
Taken food from fla...I've done that too Aurelia<br />Taken food from flatmates and then watched as they blamed each other<br />Horrible!<br /><br />Thanks for your support lovely<br />Hope you are doing ok? xRuby Tuesdayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15078080281794429051noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6562281218287648674.post-34029888329598616902014-06-29T10:52:02.881-07:002014-06-29T10:52:02.881-07:00Exactly Kitty
It was a mistake
And we do live and ...Exactly Kitty<br />It was a mistake<br />And we do live and learn<br /><br />Hope you are well Kitty xRuby Tuesdayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15078080281794429051noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6562281218287648674.post-36839757495302242732014-06-29T10:50:44.147-07:002014-06-29T10:50:44.147-07:00Thanks Christie
Everyone here has been really grea...Thanks Christie<br />Everyone here has been really great and understanding<br />But then I would expect nothing less from the beautiful girls here on blogger<br /><br />Love to you xRuby Tuesdayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15078080281794429051noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6562281218287648674.post-22979538659943914472014-06-29T10:34:11.961-07:002014-06-29T10:34:11.961-07:00I've taken food that wasn't mine but not f...I've taken food that wasn't mine but not from shops, it's was from housemate's and I got in a cycle where I wouldn't buy food in because I didn't want to eat, but then would binge on housemate bagels, have to replace them before they realised, spent days and days bingng on bagels and poptarts and replacing them just to binge on them again. Was relieved when I lived alone for that reason!! if i wasnt so afraid of being caught i imagine it would have spread to shop food, so i definitely do not judge you for any of your actions. who are we to judge, we all make errors we all take wrong turns and nobody is perfect. i will always be here to support you. tell mary, see what she suggests you do to make amends? LOVE XXAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6562281218287648674.post-42817079771159576102014-06-29T09:17:36.730-07:002014-06-29T09:17:36.730-07:00I used to - Now I regret them, back then it was a ...I used to - Now I regret them, back then it was a part of me.. But we live and learn right? -- I think you should keep them.. As a reminder of how it made you feel.. And as a reason why you don't ever want to do it again. Does it make sense? <br /><br />*hugs*Kittyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15422328550710452031noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6562281218287648674.post-13880737622973084142014-06-29T07:57:27.217-07:002014-06-29T07:57:27.217-07:00I would never, ever judge you, dear. People judge ...I would never, ever judge you, dear. People judge too much. <br />I don't shoplift. It's too dangerous for me, and as much as I sometimes hate my mother I'd hate to burden her with a daughter in jail. <br />I had stolen my mother's money before, to buy junk food. I don't do that anymore. I still want to sometimes, but I stop myself. I know it's hard.<br />I still sometimes occasionally take food that isn't mine at home. Technically I am allowed to eat it, but with my mother's permission. <br />I'd suggest sending it back or getting someone to do it for you? That is, if you tell your family. And don't be ashamed, dear. You're still improving, one step at a time :) I have faith in you.<br /><br />Love,<br />Christieformerly known as christiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04318468374702836234noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6562281218287648674.post-22810177449183012072014-06-29T05:06:04.862-07:002014-06-29T05:06:04.862-07:00I agree
It is most definitely part of the ED
We ch...I agree<br />It is most definitely part of the ED<br />We chase the high again and again<br />It's addictive<br /><br />I have stolen from my family too<br />When I was addicted to drugs<br />So much money that I can never pay back<br /><br />Thanks for sharing this<br />I know it must have been hard to write xRuby Tuesdayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15078080281794429051noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6562281218287648674.post-37870003107391922842014-06-29T04:57:57.228-07:002014-06-29T04:57:57.228-07:00Sending them back anonymously sounds like a good i...Sending them back anonymously sounds like a good idea.<br /><br />This is going to be hard. I have never admitted this to anyone.<br /><br />I don't shoplift (never had the guts) but I steal. I have control over my mother's bank account because nowadays everything is done online. I have stolen thousands of crowns over the year, just for shopping crap, basically. I tell myself every single time that this will be the last time and I stopped for several months, but then I found something I wanted on eBay and there I was again. And again I told myself that this was the last time.<br /><br />I think it's part of the ED brain. We need our highs, whether it's binging, restricting, shoplifting, shopping, or doing drugs.cursum perficiohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02351518808160464146noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6562281218287648674.post-39578521013240090482014-06-29T03:19:52.095-07:002014-06-29T03:19:52.095-07:00Thank you Lea so much for commenting
I am so glad ...Thank you Lea so much for commenting<br />I am so glad to hear from someone that has also gone through this<br />Like you I have stolen food and jewellery and make up in my time<br />And like you I stole food because I thought people would know I was going to binge with it<br /><br />I am delighted to read that you have overcome your problem<br />That gives me hope that I will too<br />I will make sure that this is just a once off<br />And do my best not to let it happen again<br /><br />Thank you again, it really means a lot<br /><br />Ps your English is terrifice xRuby Tuesdayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15078080281794429051noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6562281218287648674.post-18682291514611695802014-06-29T03:03:24.851-07:002014-06-29T03:03:24.851-07:00Hey Ruby,
there were times, when I had the same pr...Hey Ruby,<br />there were times, when I had the same problem. I think no one of your followers will judge you. The people who read this Blog, almost all kow mental illness, so whe understand what it's like to act against your mind.<br /><br />In my shoplifting time, I also stole food. There were other things too but most off all food. I was to ashamed to buy it, because I thought everyone would see I'm bulimic (I was actually anorexic, but I had binges sometimes), because I knew, even if I didn't see it, I was pretty skinny.<br />I managed to stop, because I was really scared of getting caught. I even dreamed about it, how my parents would react. Even a couple of month after the last time I did it, I was scared that they would watch the videos of the camaras ant catch me. <br />So I only went to shops with friends a long time, never alone. I never stole clothes, because of the alarm in these, so my problem was only food and jewellery. When my friends or my familly were with me I didn't dare to steal and later the urge left.<br /><br />I don't think anybody will judge you, try to let it be a sole exception and don't bully yourself because of this, please :)<br /><br />Lea<br /><br />(I hope you can understand it, God, I'm so bad in writing textes in English on myself, but I needed to comment here)Phönixhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02033989792927356105noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6562281218287648674.post-80725361494701998582014-06-29T02:33:15.171-07:002014-06-29T02:33:15.171-07:00Thanks Cee
It's good to know that you don'...Thanks Cee<br />It's good to know that you don't think differently of me<br />I really was reluctant to write this post<br />But I think that if I kept this to myself it would have been worse somehow<br />I can't even enjoy the clothes so there is no point in keeping them<br />You are right, shame serves no purpose<br />It just drives me crazy<br /><br />Hope you are doing well Cee, take care of you xRuby Tuesdayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15078080281794429051noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6562281218287648674.post-74771172468329798082014-06-29T02:30:55.802-07:002014-06-29T02:30:55.802-07:00That is true Lilly
I knew that this wasn't goi...That is true Lilly<br />I knew that this wasn't going to be smooth sailing<br />There were bound to be bumps in the road<br /><br />Yes, if I do send them back I will do so anon<br />I couldn't face bringing them back<br />And I could get in trouble<br />I've managed get this far without a criminal record<br />And I don't want that to change<br /><br />Ps I just emailed you and am going to catch up on your blog now<br /><br />Thank Lilly xRuby Tuesdayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15078080281794429051noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6562281218287648674.post-21946306711095556852014-06-29T02:17:51.977-07:002014-06-29T02:17:51.977-07:00Bit of a "crtl-z" moment! :)
We've a...Bit of a "crtl-z" moment! :)<br />We've all been there with various failures in impulse control.<br />Don't feel ashamed. Shame is an unproductive emotion, nothing good comes from feeling shame.<br />Regret doing it for sure because it's wrong and you shouldn't and like you said it's just another manifestation of the ED, but you know that already.<br />It's done and you can make amends and move on.<br /><br />I like A's idea of posting it back to the shop anonymously with a brief explanation note.<br />You don't owe the shop anything, but you owe it to yourself.<br />And I agree with Lilly, putting yourself at the mercy of the shop is almost self harm. You won't gain anything from it except the misplaced belief you'll get the punishment you "deserve". You don't deserve punishment.<br /><br />I've never stolen anything, but I've had ctrl-z moments of my own.<br />And I don't think any different of you.<br /><br />Cee xAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6562281218287648674.post-75922669294698192352014-06-29T02:00:32.351-07:002014-06-29T02:00:32.351-07:00Setbacks are part of ANY development, please be ki...Setbacks are part of ANY development, please be kind to yourself and do not beat yourself up about it, hun!<br /><br />And don't bring them back in person or with a link to the blog, it would be mortifying and border selfharm. At least that's what I think. Send them back ANON, maybe pack a parcel& add a card, that would be nice. I assume you will not have this much fun wearing these clothes anyway. or send back one item, just to see if it makes you feel better, how about that?<br /><br />xxxxxLillyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03410150853160353877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6562281218287648674.post-15668815606249200492014-06-29T01:56:21.097-07:002014-06-29T01:56:21.097-07:00Thank A for this
I was really worried writing this...Thank A for this<br />I was really worried writing this post that people would judge me<br />Or think less of me<br />But I have to write about these things<br />I have to keep breaking the silence<br />Otherwise my ED wins<br />And I won't let that happen<br /><br />I am so glad that you don't think any different of me<br />I feel so full of guilt and remorse today<br />I feel like I am a bad person<br /><br />Your ideas are good<br />I need to do something to make amends <br />Thank you for understanding<br /><br />Much love xRuby Tuesdayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15078080281794429051noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6562281218287648674.post-4695360601799018072014-06-29T00:25:10.442-07:002014-06-29T00:25:10.442-07:00dear Ruby,
Foremost, I still like you. I can imag...dear Ruby,<br /><br />Foremost, I still like you. I can imagine you might expect people to judge, so now you know that I don't think any different than ten minutes ago.<br /><br />I have stolen some candy when I was really young, but that's it, and so far I haven't discovered that I did it since then (mps makes me not sure about anything for that matter).<br />So I don't reply out of personal experience... feel free to ignore..<br /><br />I imagine, however, what you could do is tell people about this. Use your shame in your advantage. Things that are out in the open, lose the rush, the high. <br />Talking about it with Mary is a great step. Maybe telling a friend or family member in person. <br /><br />Well, and you could think about bringing the things you took back to the store and explain that you took them by mistake, you're so sorry, so ashamed and you don't understand exactly why it happened but you want to 'make ammends'. <br />If that's to scary, which I completely understand, you could make a parcell of it, write a note or attach this blog (but then a little less recognizable) with apologies and send that to the stores.<br /><br />And, keep writing about shamefull things like this, no matter how hard. Because it can give you insight and helps you think about what happened , how it happened and what your thoughts were when it did. and when they're not hidden, it's harder to keep the effects like the rush there...<br /><br />I am sorry that this happened. For you. It's hard and you didn't mean to, and you feel bad about it... so I am sorry...<br /><br />love from ATheWriterNamedAhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14717729424098286683noreply@blogger.com