Wednesday, 10 February 2016

Job Update!

Man I thought today would never come
Having rang the manager of the centre last week
She told me that I would hear about the job yesterday or today
I patiently waited for the post man
And manned my phone 24 hours a day
Hoping to hear something
When the post hadn't come this morning
I popped in to my neighbour 
To see if she had got her post
She had
Which meant no letter today
And being the impatient little madam that I am 
I just couldn't wait any longer 
I had to know
So I found the managers number 
And paced up and down the room
As I waited for her to answer 
I was just about to hang up
When she answered 
She said she recognised my number
As she was going to ring me later on today
She also said that there was a letter in the post for me
I tentatively asked if the position had been filled
She said it had 
And unfortunately I didn't get it
My heart sank 
I knew it was a long shot going for this job
But I still felt it like a punch in the stomach 
Before I could even process this information
She continued to speak
'But' she said
'We were thinking of you to work in the holiday centre during the summer months, how would you feel about that?'
My sunken heart lifted 
And all of a sudden 
It was good news
You see, I actually applied for two jobs
One in the assisted living centre
And one in the holiday centre
For the months May to August
So yes 
They offered me the job in the holiday centre!
I was super excited to hear this 
And tried to contain myself as she explained the job description
It would be 30 hours a week
Meeting and greeting guests
Dining room duty
House keeping
And just being there to assist guests
The centre is run by a charity
And provides holidays for people that ordinarily could not afford one 
So on top of everything 
It's for a good cause

I'm still trying to get my head around the fact that I will have a job
There is no one at home today to talk to
So I rang my Dad
Who was delighted when I told him
He said it was a good opportunity to get back and track
And be as well as I can 
So I can work 
And yes
It is definitely an incentive to get healthy and strong 
It just feels so strange
I went for my first interview in ten years
And it all worked out for me
I keep thinking that they are going to ring me back
And say that they made a mistake 
In fact that I did not get the job
But really and truly 
I think I am better suited to this type of work
Rather than working with the elderly 
I like to meet people 
Love to have a chat 
And the craic 
And the holiday centre job is ideal for this 
I can imagine it would be really busy
And I love that 
I love having things to do 
Jobs to do
Places to be 
People to meet 
So all in all 
It's a great result!

The manger said I would be trained in May 
Ready to start for the summer season
So now is my chance to get in to recovery again 
Out with the scale 
Out with the purging 
And in with eating well
And generally looking after myself a bit better

I'm off to tell my neighbour the good news
See you on the next post....

Monday, 8 February 2016

Monday 8 February

Monday morning again
Gosh it comes around very quickly
Over the last couple of weeks 
We have acquired a new passenger on our weekly trip to the doctor
My neighbour now comes with us
As she had an appointment 
We joked this morning that soon we'll need to hire a mini bus for our little outing!
So we all piled in to my mothers little Toyota Yaris
No dogs this morning 
As it was pouring rain
And headed for the doctors 
Both mine and my neighbours appointment was at 9am
We arrived on time 
And I was called in before I even sat down
And my neighbour took a seat
My usual doctor is off this week
So I saw Nice Woman Doctor instead 
She is lovely 
I gave her a quick synopsis of the past couple of months 
We had a good chat 
She asked me if I have given up hope
I said I hadn't 
And I haven't 
I firmly believe I will get back on track 
I have to 
What is the alternative?
Lie down and give up?
I don't think so
At least not yet anyway

I came out of the doctors 
And my neighbour was still waiting 
She hadn't been seen yet 
Just then
The receptionist called us to tell us that her doctor was delayed due to car trouble 
I decided to go on up to the pharmacy 
And get that much done 
I was gone about 15 minutes 
When I went back down to the surgery
My neighbour was still there 
An emergency had come in 
So we were further delayed 
A few minutes later 
We saw a child coming out with what looked like lotion all over his face
It must have been a burn
He was crying so hard 
Eventually my neighbour was called in
And I went out to wait in the car
About twenty minutes later
My neighbour emerged from the surgery
And we set off for home 

Yesterday was a tough day 
I hate Sunday's anyway 
But we had house full of visitors 
As it was my sisters birthday

And at the moment 
That is difficult 
When I am well 
I love having people in the house 
But when I am struggling 
It's not so easy 
When my mother gave me my medication in the morning
I noticed that she had accidentially given me more than was needed
Because I was feeling anxious 
I took more than was prescribed
It was only after taking the pills
That I saw they were out of date
I took five of them 
Not with the intention of overdosing
I just wanted to sleep
To escape 
To check out of reality for a while
It wasn't long before I began to feel drowsy
And a bit out of it
I retreated to my bedroom 
And got in to bed 
Telling the others I felt unwell 
Which I did 
I slept for about three hours 
And got up to have dinner with my family
I don't know what it is 
But I've been feeling like an outsider on my family recently 
I feel like I am on the outside looking 
Not part of things
I must stress that it's nothing that my family is doing
It's just indicative of my mental state at the moment 
My mood is low 
And with that 
My confidence and self esteem are in my boots 
It's hard to get involved in the family when I am feeling like this 
I just wanted to be alone
And be out of it
That is the ugly truth
We played a family game in the evening
Called My dysfunctional family
It was a laugh 
But it was a forced laugh on my part
Some of the visitors left in the evening m
I had a shower 
And got in to my pyjamas
I was relieved the day was nearly over

I weighed myself when I woke up this morning 
Just out of curiosity 
After a month of being the same weight
The numbers finally moved 
And I lost weight 
Usually I'd get a little buzz out of that 
But this morning I felt nothing
Absolutely nothing 

Time is going by so very quickly
It's scary how fast the years go by
I turn 35 this September
I swear I feel no more than 21
Yet a feel like I've lived so many different lives 
I keep hearing the interviewer from my job 
Telling me that I had a very 'interesting existence'
I guess I have 
My life has not been easy
But I still feel blessed for everything I have 
And I know if I want more 
I have to bloody well work for it
I have so many dreams and ideas 
That I don't know where to start 
I know if I put all my time and energy in to something worthwhile
As much energy as I put in to self destructing 
Then I might have a fighting chance at a good life
I went to such great lengths in my addiction and ED 
I literally would have done anything for the drug and to lose weight 
And by all rights
I should be willing to do anything for my recovery 
But as you know 
It's not easy 
Life itself is not easy 
Never mind with an ED and opiate addiction 
Everyone has bumps in the road 
Everyone has a story to tell
I am no different 
The only difference is that I choose to write publicly about it
And reach out to others

I believe I will come through this 
I believe that eventually I will put my issues behind me
Or at the very least learn how to manage them so i have some semblance of a normal life 
I have to believe this 
I can picture it so vividly 
Being well
Having my own place 
Hard work
And hard play 
It's all so close I can almost taste it
It's there for me
I just need to reach out and grab it
And it's that leap of faith that is so very hard 
We all have a comfort zone 
Which of course is safe and comfortable 
We could stay there for the rest of our lives 
But there is so much to gain by moving out of that zone
Yes it's difficult to push past it
It's uncomfortable 
It's venturing in to the unknown 
But the rewards are great
If we can just push the boundaries 
There is so much to gain 
And I know that is exactly what I need to do, if I want to recover
I do try to step outside my comfort zone 
But I know there is so much more I could be doing 
It's baby steps 
Baby steps all the way 

I wish you a good day today 
I wish you health and happiness and laughter and fun
I appreciate your reading and supporting my blog 
I would be lost without you...

Saturday, 6 February 2016

Job Update

As you may know
I applied for a job a couple of weeks ago
In an assisted living centre for the elderly
I sent in my application
And made it to the interview round
Which I had last Thursday
I was hoping to hear something this week
But I didn't hear a peep
As you also may know 
I have little or no patience 
I checked our letter box obsessively 
Hoping to find a letter 
It was killing me not knowing if I had got the job or not
I just wanted to know either way
After there was no word yesterday
The thought of having to wait the whole weekend for an update was too much
And I decided to take the bull by the horns 
And ring the manager of the centre
Who was also one of the interviewers 
I dialled the number 
And waited as the phone rang and rang
Just as I was about to end the call
The manager picked up
I told her who I was 
She remembered me
Which I thought was a good sign
And asked if the position had been filled
I was fully expecting her to say it had been 
But instead 
She apologised
And informed me that the board needed to have one more meeting before making a final decision 
I took that as good news 
I still might have a chance!
The manager asked me if I was interested in the summer job 
Which would be working in their holiday centre for the summer months
I thought 'What the hell
And said I was
A job is a job right?
That led me to think that she might have me in mind for that job
I'd be happy with that
I'm just excited for someone to give me a chance to show that I can work hard and well 
And I think the holiday centre would be a lovely place to work 
It would mean dealing with people all day
Which would give me little or no time to devote to my ED
It would give me structure and purpose
Things I really crave at the moment

Although I think I still have a shot at getting the job in the assisted living centre
I feel they may be looking for someone with more experience 
But the thing is 
How am I to gain experience if no one gives me a chance?
It might be a gamble to employ me
But it's a gamble that I believe could pay off
As ever 
I have all bases covered 
And there is the option of the stables 
If the job doesn't pan out
And that is something that I am super excited about
The stables itself is quite near where I live
And it's a whole new project
So it would be awesome to be part of that
So what ever happens 
I will be happy either way 
It's actually exciting to see what will happen in the future now
I've been stuck for so long 
So to be finally moving forward 
And making steps to get well and gel myself is really making me feel good about myself 
My doctor is always telling me that I am too talented to just be sitting around 
I don't know about being talented 
But I could just waste my life away out in here in my little house
For a long time 
I didn't want to do anything 
I didn't want to move forward
I was content to abuse my meds
And spend my days slipping in and out of sleep 
Sitting on the mat beside the fire place 
Chain smoking 
Not giving a shit about myself 
Or anything else 

But there has been change in the last couple of years 
I am now 18 months smoke free
I've had periods of time when my ED was in remission
I am now taking my meds correctly and properly 
Which is huge progress
As for years I had used and abused them 
My Mother looks after my meds
And gives me them every morning 
And that seems to work
I know I can't trust myself to take them properly 
And there is nothing wrong with a bit of support
Whatever works, right?

All in all 
Things are moving along nicely 
Of course there is much work to do 
There is always work to do
But I feel like I am finally getting a grip on my life 
My ED is a daily battle
I have good days 
And bad days 
Days when I don't want to get out of bed 
Days when my purging is off the scale 
But the good days more than make up for the bad ones 
I have days when I laugh until my sides hurt
I have days when I feel loved and liked and needed and wanted
On a good day I feel something approaching happiness
I feel content to be me
I look at myself in the mirror 
And feel ok with what I see
These days make it all worthwhile 

Which brings me to my next point
I want you to know 
That no matter how bad things get 
No matter how low you go
There is always hope 
There are always possibilities and opportunities 
There is always a way out
Sometimes our issues and problems become so heavy 
That we don't think we can carry on 
I know 
I have been there
Addiction and disordered eating have been part of my life for 15 years now
But you know what?
I live with these conditions
I don't die with them 
I have been at deaths door 
Many many times 
I know I am lucky to have made it out alive 
For the longest time
Mine and my families life was bedlam 
So chaotic
So dysfunctional 
So all over the place
But we rode the storm
And came out the other side stronger and closer than ever 
They saw that doctors hate to see a patient with an ED coming
As they are so hard to treat
And often the one person who has the key to recovery is the one person that doesn't want to recover 
EDs are complex and complicated illness
Every one is different 
Everyone is individual 
And even though the symptoms are the same 
Each case must be treated differently 
It's not easy
By nature 
We ED girls are secretive and private 
We don't want others to know our shameful secrets 
Heck we can barely admit them to ourselves
Never mind anyone else 
But if we want to recover
We need to take that leap of faith 
Bite the bully 
And take a chance on opening up to someone 
Over the years 
I have come to a point where I can talk and write pretty openly about my life, my addiction and my ED
Maybe I am too open 
I don't know 
But I do know for a fact
That talking about it helps
Opening up and sharing the weight of our troubles helps 
It lessens the burden 
It helps us let go
I ask you
I urge you
To talk to someone 
Choose one person 
Someone you trust 
A family member 
A friend 
Maybe someone on the Internet 
Pick one person
And talk to them 
Tell them what's in your head
And what is breaking your heart
You won't regret it
And I promise you you'll feel better 
So do it
Don't even think about it
Or give yourself time to back out of it
Just do it
Even if it's an experiment to see what happens 
Just do it you have nothing to lose...

If you did happen to talk to someone today
Let me know how you got on
Who you spoke to
How it went 
How you felt afterwards 
Inquiring minds want to know...

Friday, 5 February 2016


I guess a personal update is long over due
I had a few appointments with the professionals this week
My doctor on Monday
My psychiatrist on Tuesday
And Mary on Wednesday 
My psychiatrist is good
On the ball
Just like Mary
He had been talking about increasing my Prozac in an effort to get back on track
But this week
He decided against it
He made the point that I am on so many meds as it is 
And the goal should be to be medication free
I actually can't remember a time when I wasn't taking something
Prescribed or otherwise 
Probably in my teens 
If not before 
I really can't remember what it's like to be stone cold sober
The thought scares me though
I am afraid that I won't be able to cope on my own 
Without the addition of drugs
But I guess that's where occupation comes in 
If I am filling my days with something I love 
I'll be content enough to not want to escape my own head
And my own reality 
That's why the job would have been ideal
Speaking of which 
I haven't heard a dickiebird yet
I'm pretty sure I would have heard by now if I had got it 
But that's ok
I'll learn and move on 
And on to the next thing 
It was a big deal for me just to apply and do the interview
That in itself is progress 
I have been thinking about work a lot
And the dancing I used to do with the kids
I would love to do it again 
And am seriously thinking about setting up a couple of classes again 
I just don't know if I have the confidence though 
Or the energy 
I also feel that I would need some more training myself to be the best teacher I can be
It's something to think about 

In other news 
I've neither lost nor gained weight in about a month 
And am weighing less and less 
Mary weighed me on Wednesday 
And I was 0.3kg more than last week
And I was wearing Harvey clothes and trainers 
So I was pretty much the same 
I've spoken to my mum and sister a good bit recently 
Needless to say
They are concerned 
And I'm trying alleviate that 
I don't want them to worry 
But they know I am struggling 
They know about the purging 
I don't even try to hide it anymore 
I know they know 
And they know I know they know
Confusing but true 

I also spoke to Mary this week about working in the stables 
Mary had heard of a former social worker who was setting up a stables
And wanted volunteers with mental health issues 
So Mary is going to ring them
Tell them about me
And then pass on my details 
You guys 
I am super duper excited about this 
It's right up my street 
And to work with animals 
And meet people like me 
Would be nothing short of amazing 
I can't wait to get started 
And get stuck in 

They say that the key to happiness 
Is not having what you want
But wanting what you have 
Growing up
And through out my twenties 
I wanted a completely different life
I didn't want to live in our average, middle class life 
Sometimes I wished we were filthy rich 
And sometimes we lived in the slums
Strange I know 
But I hated being in the middle 
I much targeted the extremes 
But recently 
I've been feeling incredibly grateful
So thankful and joyful and blessed 
For what I have 
There are a lot of people in the world who have a lot more than me
But compared to some
I have more than enough 
I know I say it a lot
But every day I thank my lucky stars 
That I have a strong family behind me
Especially my mother 
Who is a tower of strength
And the back bone of our family
I have two older sisters
An older brother 
And a father who I now get on well with after years of not 
I am grateful that I live in a happy, comfortable and safe home
That there's a roof over my head
And food in my fridge
I am grateful that I have my own bedroom
And sleep in a clean dry bed every night 
I am grateful that I have two happy dogs 
Who are the light of my life
And keep me sane and grounded
I am grateful for the professionals in my life
My long suffering doctor 
Mary who is endlessly patient
And my psychiatrist who fights my corner 

My family and I have come through a lot
The important thing is that we got through it
And came out the other side
We are stronger for it
One thing we never did was give up
We weathered the storm
Hung in there 
 Fought  until the bitter end 
And lived to tell the tale 

Wednesday, 3 February 2016

Obsessed with my body - C4 Documentary

First of all
Apologies for the radio silence
And for worrying you
It wasn't an intentional thing not to post
But I did feel the need to be quiet for a couple of days
Thank you for your comments and emails of concern 
I am back....

I watched a show last night called Obsessed with my body
It was a documentary about vanity in males
And the explosion in fitness and health among young men
In the documentary 
Various young guys were interviewed
The camera followed one guy as he went about his daily routine
Spa treatments 
Followed by a hair do
During which the hairdresser asked him if he was going out that night
The guy said he wasn't 
That he was just going home to try n clothes
He admitted to taking hundreds of selfies a day 
And posted the ones he deemed good enough on social media 
During the documentary 
This guy went back to his home town to see his family 
He showed us his old school
Where he used to be bullied mercilessly 
His nose had been broken 
It soon became clear 
That bubbling under the surface of this guys vanity 
Was a lot of hurt 
A lot of pain
And insecurity 
He admitted that he used his looks as a shield 
And seemed afraid to let anyone see the real him
He broke down in tears as he told us about his brother who had drowned 
My heart went out to him

The documentary also followed the huge fitness craze amongst men at the moment 
We were introduced to two cousins 
Who were in the process of trying to build  up a fitness empire on YouTube 
They have 8000 followers
And post inspiring videos
They were both in amazing shape
You can't deny that 
And they seemed like nice guys 
I just don't think it's healthy to put so much focus and emphises on looks

Then there was 16 year old Duncan
Duncan was from Scotland
A body builder 
We followed his story as he was competing in his first body building competition 
He worked hard at his fitness
And on the day of the competition 
He went to get his fake tan done 
The results were hilarious 
He was literally the colour of mahogany
But apparently they need to be dark while on stage 
So the lights pick up the definition on the body

The last guy who was interviewed
Spoke about his battle with anorexia
After some cruel
Comments from a class mate about his weight
This young guy stopped eating 
And lost 35 pounds in 3 months 
He is now weight restored 
And on the mend 
But it's taken blood, sweat and tears to get there 

I thought this documentary was eye opening 
Like a lot of people do
It's easy to forget that men worry about their bodies too
I think in my four years here on blogger
I have only ever come across one make blogger 
Who has since disappeared 
This also bears out in treatment 
Although the documentary stated that last year, 300 000 males in the UK were treated for eating disorders
In all my time in treatment 
I only ever met one male
As hard as it is to be a female with an ED
I fear it must be even more difficult to be a make suffering with an ED
EDs are historically seen a rich white girls disease
Of course this is a stereotype
And categorically untrue 
EDs do not discriminate 
And can effect anyone 
Any race 
Any gender 
Any age
It can happen to anyone 
No one is immune

A big craze at the moment is fitness
It's everywhere 
All over social media 
In magazines 
TV shows 
In this country 
There is a show called Operation Transformation
Where six members of the public try to change their lives by losing weight and getting fit 
And at the moment there is a noticeable increase in the amount of people out walking and running 
The shops are full of active wear clothing
There is also a campaign here to try as a nation to lose one million pounds 
Now I'm all for getting fit and healthy 
But there is a line 
A very fine line 
Where if you cross it
You become obsessed with it
It used to be mostly women who felt the pressure to tone up
But now it seems that men have the same, if not more pressure, on their shoulders 
Where males are concerned 
It seems it is the bigger the better 
Where as we girls seem to buy in to the idea that small is best
It's the thing that unites both men and women
We want to look out best
And our image has never been so important 
Because we put our lives on line for all to see
On Facebook
It seems that something didn't really happen 
Unless it was captured on camera 
And posted on Facebook 

They say a person makes up their mind about someone in seconds
We assess others in jig time
Their appearance 
Their body language
Their hair
Their clothes
We decide if they are some one we want to know
If we are attracted to them 
If we don't like them
And all before even speaking to someone
Everything is visual nowadays 
We take photos of everything
Our food
Our pets 
Our children
Our holidays 
Our outfits 
And we all look at everyone else's photos too
In a kind of a 'who has the best life?'competition 

When I was in rehab for the first time 
There was a pro boxer
Who got obvious reasons 
I will call The Boxer
He was bulimic 
And felt massive pressure to make weight
I can remember him at meal times
He would eat his own food
And anything you left on your plate
He was also a cocaine addict
And came in to treatment very thin
Almost doubled his body weight in four months 
I wonder how he is now

I think that images of models and very thin actresses and celebrities can exacerbate an ED
But I don't think they cause one solely by themselves
I think there are many factors that contribute towards someone developing an ED

With all that said
I was wondering about you
Have you come across many males in the ED world?
Was their experience different to ours?
Why do you think that we don't hear from a lot of men here on blogger?
Inquiring mind want to know....

Monday, 1 February 2016


I was going through one of my notebooks over the weekend
And I stumbled upon a page titled 'Weight loss Challenge'
It was dated last summer
About two weeks before my mothers retirement do
I had carefully printed my weight
And the amount of weight I wanted to lose
I vaguely remembered writing this 
My whole family were going to be at this do
And I really wanted to look my best 
I had an orange and cream dress picked out
And it just about zipped up
My BMI was about 22
I wasn't unhappy
But I felt I should lose weight
I'm not even sure why 

My weight loss never happened though
And I went to mums do the the exact same weight 
Now there are photos all over our house of that night 
And funnily enough
People always say that I look really well in those photos 
I look bright 
Well not so much 
My BMI has gone down almost five points 
I'm pale 
Sick looking 
 I any happier now that I have lost weight?
I can categorically answer no to that question 

I was speaking with my mother and sister over dinner a few days ago
My sister wanted to why and when this latest relapse had begun
My memory is not great at the best of times 
Fortunately my mother has the memory of an elephant 
And she could remember back to last November
When I spoke about wanting to lose weight
Remember the navy trousers?
They seemed to be the trigger
But really
I think it started sooner than that 
I think as far back as my holiday in September 
Things were changing
My mood was slowly but surely heading south 
I got back in to a pattern of purging while on holidays 
Therefore probably wasn't getting the benefit of my medication
Which led again to low mood
And that cycle continued
The navy trousers were just another symptom of a greater problem 

So here I am 
26 pounds lighter
And not one iota happier
All I feel is a hole in my soul
My clothes don't fit 
My face tells the story of every pound I've lost and gained 
I feel tired 
So very tired
Tired of playing this game 
This illness
The never ending cycle of 
Get well
Get well
I swear 
More than anything else 
I am God damned bored of this illness
I want more 
I want to live my life 
To me
This illness has put my life on hold 
I had been doing well 
I had begun to take control of my own life 
I know I can get back there again 
I really believe that I can
I've battled constantly for years 
To get to the point where most people start off
But that's ok 
I don't wish my life were different
It's made me strong 
It's made my family strong
In a strange way
It has brought us closer than we've ever been
But of course 
It would be preferable not to have so much to deal with 
But I'm doing ok
We are doing ok 

Where to from here? 
As always 
It's baby steps 
Work with Mary
Work on the purging 
Eat little and often
Get out of the house more
Allow myself to gain a little weight
And I know along with that Will come feeling better 
I can't imagine how frustrating it is for those around me 
To witness my attempts to loll myself 
Because that's what an ED is
A slow suicide 
Don't kid yourself that it's anything less than that 
My sister regularly comments on my thin body at the moment 
My old anorectic self would love this
Not anymore 
I can see the worry in her eyes
And she has enough to deal with
Without having to worry about me
I know that my family feel helpless 
There is really nothing they can do to help me
Yes they are there 
And that is a huge support
But they can't force feed me
They can't stop me from purging 
I am a grown woman 
These are choices that I make 
And there is nothing anyone can do to help me 

You would think that I would have learned over time 
That thin does not equal happiness
But I keep falling for that line 
Hook, line and sinker 
I know I look better when I have at least another 15 pounds on me
I am only beginning to look better then
In recent years 
I have been 28-35 pounds heavier
And felt a lot better for it 
At the moment 
I feel like the wAlking dead
And I've been a lot thinner than this at times 
I can't imagine how ill I must have been then

In other news 
I saw my doctor this morning 
He reduced my methadone by 2mls
Down to 26mls
I couldn't think of a reason to argue with him
So I went along with it 
I told him about the job interview last week 
He told me about another patient he saw recently 
Who also went for the job
She was already a home help
Working in the community with the elderly 
So she would have a lot of experience 
I guess that's what I'm up against 
Others who have a vast knowledge of the job
I am starting to think that I have not a chance to get the job
But I do have a plan B
So all is not lost 
I have since found out about two other stables bear enough to my area
Where they take people with mental health issues 
To work along side the horses in a therapeutic environment
So I am excited about that 
I really think I would get so much benefit from that kind of work
As you know 
I am a huge animal lover 
Really it's my ideal job
And getting the value of therapy from it would be an added bonus

Lots to think about 
Lots to get excited about 
If nothing else the interview was good experience 
And I can always ask for feed back to see what areas I can improve on
I guess my health is a priority at the moment 
Physical and mental 
I trust that something for me won't pass me by 
I just need to keep my eyes and ears open 
Be positive 
Open minded 
And willing to learn 
I've come so far 
I'm not going to give up yet
Not by a long shot.....

Saturday, 30 January 2016

New blogs?

I am always on the look out for new blogs
Fresh blood
New writers 
Different takes on ED and addiction
Of course I love and treasure all my regular readers and their blogs 
God knows you keep me going when I feel I can't
But so many gave left blogger over the last couple of years 
Friends that meant a lot to me and other bloggers
It makes me sad
I am just hoping that these bloggers left to live a rich and fulfilled life
And don't need the support of blogger anymore 
Our community has dwindled a lot recently
I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing 
And of course 
I try to read a mixture of blogs
Some who are in recovery
Some who are not 
And some who are somewhere in between 
I like to read the whole story 
From start to finish 

I'm asking you my lovely readers
Maybe you have a new blog
Maybe you know of some exciting new blogs that need a bit of help and support 
Let's welcome some new writers in to our little community 
Let's show what we are all about 
Helping each other get through the tough times 
Pulling each other up
Instead of down
I've read before that some new bloggers find it hard to become part of our community
Probably because we are so tight 
And so close 
I understand that 
When I first started writing almost four years ago
I was welcomed with open arms 
Blogger was buzzing with activity back then 
And I believe it can be like that again
We can make blogger in to that thriving, exciting place it once was
Are you with me?

We desperately need to preserve our community 
We need to make sure there is always a place for the bewildered
The suffering 
The struggling 
The disordered 
The lonely 
The scared 
Blogger has saved my life over and over again 
And I want to make sure it is around for future sufferers 
So if you have a blog
Or you know of some new blogs 
Do let me know 
And we will do our best to welcome them