Saturday 6 August 2016

Injury

I was off work for a few days last week
As the centre was quiet and I wasn't needed
However
Georgina rang me on Wednesday 
And asked if I could do the house keeping shift the following day
I jumped at the chance 
As I need the hours 
And would be glad of the money 
So I arrived in to work for 10am
Prepared for a full day of hard work 
I got straight in it 
Stripping beds 
Changing sheets 
Replenishing towels 
I was on my own 
But Georgina was up and down to me 
I was following her out of one of the rooms 
And I was kind of trailing my fingers on the door 
When the door closed
And it closed on my thumb 
These are not any ordinary doors 
They are big heavy fire doors 
That close themselves 
So the door closed on my left thumb
I felt the pain
My thumb being utterly squashed 
Georgina was ahead of me 
But I couldn't get the words out 
To tell her I was stuck
But fair play to her 
When she saw the look on my face 
She realised what had happened 
She had to come around me 
To open the door and release my thumb 
It was only seconds 
But it felt like an eternity 
I looked at my thumb
It was all squashed and twisted looking 
Georgina immediately told me to hold it under cold water 
While she ran and got ice 
I couldn't really think straight 
I think I was in a bit of shock 
Another worker and the chef came up to me 
Which was nice of them 
I headed down to the dining room
To drink a cup of sugary tea
And to sit and hold the ice to my poor thumb
After sitting for a while 
I went over to the other centre 
Where a very kind woman called Denise coveted my thumb in arnica 
To help prevent bruising 
But still
My thumb was turning black as we watched it
To be safe 
Denise rang the doctor 
And they told her to send me over 
I went and collected my bag 
And we drive over 
Even though it was only down the road 
In the mean time 
I rang my mam 
Who happened to be shopping in town 
So she made her way over to me 
wasn't waiting long in the doctors 
It wasn't my usual doctor 
But it was Nice Woman Doctor 
So that was good 
She examined my thumb
Asked me to give a thumbs up
Which I couldn't really do 
I also couldn't really bend it
She said there was 40% chance that the bone was broken 
And said if it got any worse 
To go into casualty 
So she gave me a letter to give radiology 
And told me to go home 
And keep an eye on it 

So having barely worked a couple of hours 
I was heading home for the rest of the day 
I felt really pissed off
As I felt I was letting people down 
But hey 
What could I do?
I would have been no addition to them in work 
And I could have further injured myself 
So I took it easy for the set of the day 
My thumb was sore 
But it was pain I could bear
So I was pretty sure that it wasn't broken
And I was back in work yesterday 
And today 
The season is kind of winding down now. 
And we are not as busy 
I love being in work on a Friday 
As I get to meet everyone checking in
And it's easier to remember faces and names 
At least I find easier 
There are a lovely bunch staying with us this week 
Some real characters 
And this is what I love about my job 
I get to meet a whole range of different people 
From tiny tots to the elderly
Disabled people 
Mentally unwell people 
From all over 
And from all walks of life
It really opens my mind 
And reminds me that there is a whole wide world out there 
And most of all 
It takes me away from myself 
From ruminating 
Procrastinating 
From obsessing about one thing or another 
I am so busy at work 
That I don't get a chance to worry over my own stuff 
Which is great 
I really love my job though
I love everything about it 
My co workers 
My manager 
The guests 
Everyone is so lovely 
It's like this job was made for me 
It's busy 
But not stressful 
It's demanding emotionally 
But I can handle that 
And am able to leave work at work when I leave 
Most of the time anyway 
I am just so grateful that Georgina gave me a chance 
Because that's exactly what I needed 
Someone to see past the illness 
The addiction 
The struggles I have 
And give me a chance to grow and blossom and flourish 
Georgina is an incredible lady 
So passionAte about her work 
And that runs off on me 
I am definitely learning a lot from her 
In lots of areas 
How to deal with people
Sticky situations 
How to multitask 
How to work smarter instead of harder 
And my work is not just a job 
We provide holidays for people who might not ordinarily get one 
We help financially 
And we are there to chat and to listen 
It runs like a hotel 
But it's not really a hotel 
It's a house 
And everyone is welcome 
I really feel privileged that I get to help a family or a group enjoy their holiday 
I love chatting to the guests 
And probably do it a bit too much 
But look 
If it helps them
I am more than happy to sit and listen 
Some people just want someone to talk to 
And often times it's easier to speak to someone whose not directly involved in the situation 
So yes
I  am happy out at the moment 
Before I know it 
The summer will be over 
And do will my job 
I will really miss it though 
Even though Georgina said if anything came up
She would keep me in mind 
So hopefully something will

I need to tell you 
I feel in a really good place at the moment 
Life couldn't be better 
Of course I get days when I don't want to get out of bed 
When everything I try on makes me look huge 
When I just want to sit and cry my eyes out
But everyone gets these days 
I am not special 
I am human 
And as humans we have bad days 
And that's perfectly ok
It's normal 
Show me a person who never has a bad day 
And I will eat my own foot 
My happiness at the moment is not connected to my weight 
Or the fact I am self medicating 
It's an inner happiness 
That comes from feeling good about myself 
From work hard 
Both at my job 
And at my recovery 
I know I'm lucky 
I have a strong family around me
Some amazing friends and co workers 
I couldn't ask for more
I remember from AA
There are 12 promises 
And one of them is that you will find a life beyond your wildest dreams
It's not about money 
Or material gains 
It's about living a real and authentic life 
From opening my heart and my mind 
From feeding myself good food 
From not weighing myself 
From being the best person I can be 
So today 
I urge you 
For one day 
Let go of your vice 
See what life is like without it 
I promise you 
The feeling of contentment I have 
Is better than any drug
Any number on a scale 
It's a feeling that I am ok
More than ok 
That I'm going to make it 
Despite everything I have been through 
I still want to live my life 
I still want to carry on
You can't ask for more than that...

Wednesday 3 August 2016

Toughing it out...

The last few days have been tough
After hearing about the suicide of my friend 
I almost fell apart
I was at work when I found out 
So I couldn't very well crumble then
But on Sunday night
I had a dream about my friend 
He was exactly the way I remember him
Young 
Carefree
Cheeky 
I woke up in the morning in tears
Cue a whole day of feeling so sad and emotional
I had my doctor at 9am
And the minute I sat down in his office 
The tears continued to flow
My doctor was so kind to me 
He let me cry 
Gave me as much time as I needed to collect myself 
The thing about suicide 
Is that it leaves so many unanswered questions 
And what ifs?
What if I had been a better friend?
What if we had never broke up?
What if I had made more of an effort?
But as my doctor said 
A person could seem fine one minute 
Then go home and overdose 
Or hang themselves 
You just never know what is going through a persons head 
On Sunday I went to mass at the holy well with my parents 
I prayed for my friend 
And lit a candle for him
Saying goodbye in my own way 
I just hope he is at peace now 
Finally 

I've had no work since Saturday 
As it's been very quiet
But I'm back in tomorrow 
And will be working all weekend 
To be honest 
I've missed work 
I miss the structure 
The routine 
The escape 
The people 
I'm glad to get back to it 
And of course the paycheque at the end of the week is always welcome 

I saw my psychiatrist yesterday 
Or at least one of his team 
She was lovely 
A Polish lady 
So friendly and enthusiastic 
She told me that she had been reading my file 
And that I am doing really well
She seemed genuinely pleased for me 
I spoke a bit about my friend 
As he has been on my mind so very much 
She was so kind too 
I must say 
I feel
So grateful for the people I have in my life 
A lot of the time 
I feel like I am being carried along by them 
My feet not touching the ground at all 
I am surrounded by amazing people 
My family 
My friends 
May horse riding 
At work 
And especially the friends I've made recently 
Now I can say that I truly know the meaning of friendship 
I've let go of people who were dragging me down 
Using me
I now know that I am worth so much more 
I deserve to be treated well
Just like anyone else 
I won't set myself on fire 
To keep someone else warm
And God knows I've done enough of that over the years 

Today 
I am just back from horse riding 
It was fantastic as always 
I got a lift out with Fintan 
And it was just the two of us today 
I like when it's just the two of us 
As we are in a similar place riding wise 
And today Eilish really pushed us 
And got very technical
I loved it though 
I love the challenge 
I'm so eager to learn and improve 
And just be the best that I can 
We did a good bit of cantering 
Which is such a rush!
I swear 
I am so envious of Eilish and her family 
The have this brilliant facility in their back garden 
They can ride when ever they want 
I would give anything to have that available to me 
An hour a week just isn't enough anymore 
So I asked Eilish if come autumn I could go out for half a day a week
And maybe get two lessons instead of one 
Fintan would also love to do this 
Eilish said to leave it with her 
So hopefully that will happen for us 
It would just make more sense all round 
I travel an hour to get to riding 
So to spend more time there would really benefit me
I finish work in September 
So it would be great to have that To look forward to

In other news
My Dad is deteriorating quite a bit 
And we are all very concerned about him
We worry that he is not managing at home alone 
Basic every day things like dressing, cooking and shopping my are becoming increasingly difficult fir him
The nurse specialist is visiting him today 
And in fairness 
The support he is getting is fantastic 
He is being well looked after 
It's very hard as we need endless patience to deal with him
I guess it's an adjustment for us all
And it will take time 

But yes 
Even though I am feeling a bit raw and emotional 
I am ok 
Or at least I will be
I like to think of my friend as I knew him 
And I do have a lot of fond memories 
That's what I'm going to hold on to
It seems everyone has a past 
Something they are dealing with 
No one is immune 
No one gets off Scott free
We all have across to bear 
ED wise 
I am doing ok 
I have no clue what I weigh 
It doesn't really matter I guess 
As long as my clothes fit 
And I feel healthy and well
That's all that really matters 
Yes I still purge from time to time 
But recovery is about progression not perfection
I'm doing the best I can
I'm eating 
I'm not restricting in any way 
I'm not compensating with exercise or laxatives 
Yes 
I still struggle with body image 
And struggle not see myself body in a negative light 
I have to accept I'm not 19 anymore 
I am a 34 year old woman 
I have boobs and hips 
I'm curvy 
I have a shape 
Some days I love it 
Other days I hate it 
But I'm healthy and happy 
No matter what I weigh 
I would take this over anorexia or bulimia any day of the week

So 
That's it from me for today 
I'm off for a cuppa 
And to spend some time with my dogs 
See you on the next post....

Sunday 31 July 2016

RIP

I write this post a very sad and confused Ruby
It's been a crazy week
I saw on Facebook last week
That I guy I was friends when I was growing up was missing 
And had been for a few days
I wasn't worried at first 
And there was no panic to begin
With 
Just concern that he was ok
In fact 
This guy had been more than my friend 
He had been my first ever boyfriend when I was just 14
We went out for about ten months 
Which is a lifetime when you are that age 
I went to the girls school
He went to the local tech 
We met every day after school
Smoking cigarettes and stealing kisses around the back of the church 
We wrote each other letters 
And because we both loved The Doors 
We addressed each other as Pamela and Jim
How cringey 
But also how cute
Then 
After a few years 
We hooked up again 
After we lived in the same neighbourhood
But 
It didn't last 
As I was going off the rails with drugs 
I kept an eye on FB during the week
But there was no sign of him
Then 
On Friday 
I saw messages of condolence on social media 
But I still didn't know what had happened
I went in to work yesterday morning as usual
Still none the wiser
I got a text from a girl I went to school with 
I figured it was about this guy 
So I took a few minutes to ring her
She confirmed it 
He was dead 
I asked her what had happened 
She explained that he had been working in the UK
And had been home for a short while 
Apparently 
He had been suffering with mental health issues
And was experiencing depression and paranoia 
My friend thought that this may have been due to drug abuser over the years 
He hung himself 
He was 36 years old 

Even though he was suffering 
He sought no help
And wasn't under the care of a doctor 
Or any other professional
This news breaks my heart 
Another young man lost to suicide
It's confusing 
It's disturbing 
And deeply upsetting 
My heart goes out to his loved ones 
He will be missed
I just hope he has found some peace
God knows he deserved it
I was in work when I heard this news
And I confided in my work mate 
It was good to talk about him
And remember him
I rang my Mam to tell her 
She would have taught this guy in school
It hit her hard too
And she was in tears as I explained about his death
Thankfully
I was on a short shift 
And was only working until 12pm
But to be honest with you 
I kind of wish that I had been working longer 
At least then I wouldn't have been thinking about him so much
I have so many lovely memories about this guy 
And I guess he was my first love 
Now 
I guess there are so many what ifs?
If only he had talks to someone 
If only he had asked for help 
If only I had kept in touch with him
I can't imagine what was going through his head
That he felt his only option was to disappear from everyone 
Tie a knot in a rope 
And end his short life 
It's just so very sad
I despair 
I really do

It seems that suicide is becoming an epidemic in this country 
Heck I've been there myself 
In a situation where I thought my family would be better off without me 
That things would never improve 
And that death was the only release from the pain I was in
Thankfully
I have moved past a place where life scared me more than death
I feel more able to cope with life 
And whatever it throws at me
This is what we need 
The tools to deal with life 
Because heaven knows life is not a straight path 
There are so many bumps and obstacles along the way
But we do our best 
And that's all we can do

This morning 
The parental unit and I went to mass at the holy well
It's a mass for the sick 
So Dad wanted to go to get blessed 
I also got blessed 
And I lit a candle for my friend 
Hoping that he has now found peace

They say that suicide is a selfish act 
I don't buy that 
The person who is suffering often feels like they are a burden to their loved ones 
And that they are better off without them
They believe that they are relieving their family of stress and worry 
But of course that is not the case 
Suicide leaves a trail of grief and destruction
Confusion and deep loss 
Death is just so final 
And especially when it is a young person
Who had everything to live for 
I feel quite empty 
Like life is sometimes pointless 
We live 
We die 
And we get a very short space of time between the two
For a long time 
I placed no value on my own life 
I didn't care whether I lived or died 
It just wasn't important to me at all
But now 
Now I want to live 
I want to be alive 
And part of this world 
I just wish that my friend had reached out and asked for help 
It's too late now
RIP Michael
You are loved and missed...


Friday 29 July 2016

This is.....



This is me 
A 34 year old woman
I am Irish 
I am a daughter
A sister 
An auntie
A doggy mama
A friend 
An employee
A horse rider 

This is me 
I struggle with mental health issues 
Including addiction
Depression
Anxiety 
And eating disorders
I now consider myself to be in recovery 
I am in recovery 
It's a journey 
Not a destination

This is me 
I am a good person 
Yes 
I have done bad things in my life 
But inherently 
I am a good person 
And I do my best every day 
To not hurt myself or anyone else 

This is me 
I may be 34 
But inside 
I still feel 16 years old 
I still have a lot to learn about life 
It's all a learning experience 

This is me 
After years of illness 
I am now working 
And have been working for the past two months 
I can feel my confidence growing every day 
I feel valued and appreciated 
Work has been a life saver

This is me 
I have a little crush on someone 
It makes for some very interesting day dreaming ahem..
I don't know if I am imagining it
But I think he might like me too
At least I hope he does 

This is me 
I've made my fair share of mistakes through out my life 
But I am trying to fit all the pieces of my life back together 
I'm not perfect 
But I'm trying to be the best person I can be 

This is me 
I'm not beautiful 
I'll never be a stunner 
But I work with what I've got 
And make the best of it 

This is me 
I'm overly sensitive 
I bruise easily 
I think too much 
And am pretty quiet 
But get to know me 
And you will see I am truly a nerd with a very sarcastic sense of humour 

This is me 
I don't expect everyone to like me 
Or agree with me 
And that's ok 
We won't fall out over it 
We will agree to disagree 

This is me 
Ruby 
A woman 
A person 
A human being 
A collection of cells 
Why am I important?
I'm not really 
But I do matter 
And I deserve a good life 

This is me 
And I'm doing my best...

Thursday 28 July 2016

Thursday

Yesterday was a long day
I went horse riding in the morning 
Which as always was brilliant
We are now concentrating on our technique 
Our position 
Our leg position
It was all a bit confusing if I am honest 
But I am just trying to concentrate on one thing at a time 
And hopefully it will all come together in the end 
Star was in great form yesterday 
And was truly a joy to ride 
Even if he does spend quite a lot of time trying to bite me 
He lives up to his name every week
He is a star
We also did some cantering 
Which is exhilarating 
Every time I do it 
I get butterflies in my tummy 
But then it is just pure enjoyment and fun 
It's a buzz 
The kind I used to get off narcotics 
It's amazing to have found a natural high 
So bloody amazing 
After riding 
We had a quick cuppa 
Before heading off
As i had to work at 4pm
I get a lift to riding with Fintan every week 
He picks me up in town at 10am 
And we head out 
We always stop in the village 
To buy carrots for the horses
And a bit of chocolate for a bit of energy 
Myself and Fintan have become great friends 
And we have discovered that we have an awful in common 
Not just the horse riding 
Fintan is what they call a para rider 
As he has a condition that effects his muscles 
I really enjoy his company every week
And we always have a good laugh 
Sometimes we have serious conversations too
But whatever the topic 
We always enjoy it 
We keep in contact during the week too
In fact I am just off the phone from him
He is about 15 years older than me
So I get to see the benefit of his experience 
Which is great 
Especially where the riding is concerned 
It also has shown me what true friendship looks like 
And Fintan is fast becoming a very good friend 
In fact I have made a few new friends recently 
At work too
And slowly but surely 
I am letting go of people who have thrown me the scraps of friendship 
And expected me to be grateful for the fumes of friendship
I made the mistake of depending on one person 
And when that person inevitably lets me down 
I have nothing 
There is one particular girl 
Who blows hot and cold 
And often lets me down 
Now I can see that I don't have to put up with that shit 
I deserve better 
I am a good friend 
Loyal 
If you are my friend 
Then I look out for you 
I have your back 
I'll be there to laugh with you through the good times 
And let you cry on my shoulder through the tough times 
But treat me badly 
And I don't stick around 
You won't see me for dust

Anyway 
After riding 
I went to my favourite shop 
To stock up on dog food 
Before heading home 
I was home just after 2pm 
And had to work at 4pm
I forced myself to eat something 
As if my brain is not fed properly 
It just won't function
And I generally feel all over the place 
So I had some tea and toast 

Another little issue im having is my Meds 
If I am working 
I usually don't then until I get home
But yesterday for example 
On the way home from riding 
I was yawning non stop 
And my eyes were streaming 
The first symptoms of opiate withdrawal 
So I took my methadone when I got home 
And waited to take my Meds until I got home from work 
But it flags a problem 
In that I do need to sort out the way I take them 
So I guess I will talk to my doctor next week 

So yea 
Life is good 
And my faith in the human race was restored yesterday 
When I was in the super market 
And when my items were scanned. I realised that I didn't have my wallet with me 
In a fluster 
I apologised to the check out guy 
And said that I would have to leave it 
I was walking away 
When someone called me back 
The man behind me in the queue paid for my shopping!
How nice was that?
I thanked him
And was really blown away
It was only a few euros 
But the gesture was huge 
So today 
I did my good deed 
And picked up an old man who was walking in to the village in the pouring rain 
And it felt good to pay it forward 

Apart from that 
All is well 
I'm working
I'm also working on my recovery 
I'm getting out there 
Socialising 
Mixing with people 
I'm getting out of the house 
And out of my own sick head 
I'm doing my best to be a good person 
And every day I ask for help to not hurt myself or anyone else
God knows things were sour for long enough
But that just makes the good times that bit sweeter 

So 
That's me over and out for today 
I will love you and leave you 
And see you on the next post 
I must post some photos too
As I haven't done that in a while
See you soon....

Monday 25 July 2016

Day off

It's Monday morning 
So that means a day off for me
Which is very much welcome
Given I worked four long shifts over the weekend 
Work was quite busy
With 60 guests staying 
All separate families 
Which makes it that bit more difficult than one big group
As they come for their meals in dribs and drabs
And it's harder to keep track of numbers 
So many kids too
Big families with lots of little ones 
Which meant the food was everywhere 
On the floors 
On the walls 
In cups 
On the chairs 
But mostly they were grand 
Even though we were busy yesterday 
I took the time to play hula hoop with the kids outside 
They also wanted to meet the chef 
As they thought the dinners were lovely 
Then later on they wanted to see them again
While I was cleaning the dining room
They all came in and wanted to help 
So I gave them little jobs to do to keep them busy 
Which was help for me too
Anyway 
I was wrecked when I got home each day 
But it's a lovely natural tiredness
That I feel I've really earned my rest
The dogs have had to adjust to my working 
My sister often brings them for a walk the days I can't 
But their routine is still very much the same 
So I'm not worried about them 
There were a lot of sad stories in work this week 
Families dealing with bereavement 
Illness 
Loss
It's heart breaking 
And we do all we can to make their stay memorable 
It's hard to get time to spend chatting with the guests 
But we do our best 
That's all we can do

Monday morning again 
And doctor day for me 
We chatted about work 
And my meds reduction last week
Which went fine 
I was telling him about my Dad 
As I have an update on his health
You might remember a couple of months ago 
I went with my Dad to Dublin to see a consultant 
As over the last couple of years 
He has been losing the power in his hands and arms 
Tests were done 
And he was told that he had possible motor neuron disease
So last Thursday he travelled to Dublin again to see the top neurologist in the country 
And it was confirmed that he does have MND
We have all been very worried
As the prognosis with this condition is not great 
But in fact 
He received better news than he was expecting 
He was told he has had MND for three years 
But out of four stages 
He is in stage one 
Also it is slow progressing 
And he is on the 30% that has the mildest form
Even though the diagnosis is devastating 
We are in the best possible situation
So that's something to be grateful for 
Apparently it kills younger people quicker 
Dad is nearly 70 
So it won't progress as rapidly 
Anyway 
We will look after him 
He won't go through this alone 

In other news
My statistics have shot up in the last few days 
Getting over a thousand hits every day 
I am wondering why this is 
And if some of my posts have been shared on social media 
Don't get me wrong 
It's great to be reaching so many people 
But it does make me slightly paranoid knowing that so many people are reading 
So I've kind of been holding back and censoring my writing recently 
There are many things going on in my life that I don't feel comfortable sharing 
Just yet 
Including a love interest 
But it's early days 
So I will keep that to myself for now 
And also about the girl at work who seems to have taken an instant dislike to me
But that's a whole other post 
I was wondering if you know why my stats have sky rocketed
Because I sure don't 

I can't quite believe that it's almost August 
And I've been working for two months now 
I will have work in to September 
And my manager told me that if anything full time comes up 
She will keep me in mind 
And that is fantastic 
As working has been a huge turning point for me 
It's doing me the world of good
There was a little bit of a disagreement In work last week 
In that some of the staff weren't pulling their weight 
And our manager had a word with them 
Two in particular had a good talking to
And I think they kind of blamed each other 
I was then worried that I had not been doing my work to a high enough standard 
But my manager assured me that she had no concerns with me 
Which was a relief 
The two girls were working together yesterday 
And you could cut the tension with a knife 
But yes 
I am loving work 
The routine 
The structure 
Being busy 
Meeting people 
The money of course 
It's all good 
And it is amazing to be able to say that 

As regards my ED
It's going ok 
My weight is stable 
My mood is good 
On the days I work I absolutely make myself eat 
As my brain goes to mush if it is not fed and watered properly 
I just can't think straight 
And i go all peculiar 
But I know I need to eat and drink correctly too
Otherwise I just can't function
I was dying to weigh myself in the doctors this morning 
But I resisted 
No good can come of it 

Right 
That's all the news for the day 
Another working week over 
I feel such a sense of fulfilment and satisfaction 
As well as independence 
I have my own money 
And can with it what I wish
So that is me over and out for today 
Happy Monday 
And see you on the next post.....

Thursday 21 July 2016

Discharged....

You know the way a girl might have a fat day
Well I am having a fat week
Every time I look in the mirror 
I see my moon like face 
Big boobs 
A tummy 
And I generally feel the size of a baby elephant 
It's not fun 
And it has made me very curious as to what my weight is 
I contemplated buying a scales today 
But what would that do?
Other than wreck my head 
I mean my clothes still fit 
They don't feel any tighter 
But still 
I feel huge 
And I hate feeling this way
I could go on a diet 
But we all know how quickly a diet can turn in to a spectacular relapse 
Been there 
Done that 
Bought the extra small t-shirt

I saw Mary this morning 
We had a nice chat 
I hadn't seen her in a few weeks 
So I filled her in about all that has happened 
She asked me about purging 
I was honest 
I told her that the days I am working 
I don't purge at all
But on my days off 
I find it much tougher 
And more often than not will purge after my meals 
Eating in work is great 
As I sit down with the others at the table 
And I don't even think about purging as I am so busy
So I guess I need to implement the same tools at home 
Mary then told me that she is going to formally discharge me 
That we have come to the end of therapy 
I thanked her for all her help and support over the last few years 
She said that she loves her job 
Because she gets to see people go from the depths of despair 
To the high of getting well
Mary has been instrumental in my recovery 
She is now a big part of my story 
When I was leaving 
She gave me a big hug 
And told me to ring her if I ever need to 
And with that 
I wAlked out of the therapy office 
And in to the rest of my life 

In other news 
I was very bold yesterday 
And overtook my meds 
I haven't done this in a long time 
I'm not even sure why I did it 
But now I deeply regret it 
As I worried my family 
And I just know I shouldn't do that 
But look
I will take the learning out of it 
And move on 
I could spend the whole day beating myself up 
But what would that do?
Nothing I suspect 
It was a mistake 
You live and learn 

I'm working the whole weekend starting tomorrow 
It's going to be a long few days 
And I'm going to be on my own at home for a few days 
By its all worth it when I get a pay cheque at the end of the week

Ok 
I'm off for a cuppa 
See you in the next post....