Wednesday, 29 March 2017

Back? Maybe?

I miss you guys
I miss writing 
I'm on a Facebook group about horses and people seem genuinely interested in mine and Cocos story
So am thinking I might continue our story on this blog
And then she got a pony!
Anyone out there interested in reading about us
Do let me know
I notice my statistics are still quite high
So I would love to know if you are interested because I know I would love to continue writing
Yay or nay people?

Thursday, 16 March 2017

5 Years on...

Next month
I celebrate 5 years blogging
It's hard to believe 
So much has happened in those years 
And every bit of it documented 
It's been an emotional roller coaster 
So many ups and downs
Highs and lows 
Recovery and relapse
In to treatment 
Trying to recover from home 
Addiction issues 
My dogs
And my life now 
Where I am quite happy and content 
I hate to write this 
And part of me is really fighting this 
But I think my blog is coming to a natural end 
For many reasons
Blogger seems very dead
There is no buzz about it the way there used to be
 I'm now using Facebook more 
And my own Facebook page 
I don't use blogger half as much as I used to
So I think it's time to slip away quietly 
Of course this is not goodbye
I will still keep in touch with you all
That is not chsnging
But I will no longer be updating here 
Life is shooting forward at light speed 
And I can barely keep up
A lot of times I don't have the time to sit down and write a lengthy post
Things with my ED have also moved on
I don't restrict 
Purging is a rarity
I don't weigh myself 
I don't deny myself food 
My ED I'd gradually becoming part of my past 
Not my present 
So I just wanted to take this opportunity 
To thank you all
For your comments 
Your kindness
Your thoughtful words
Your patience 
Thank you for being there 
For reading 
For listening 
For gently guiding me 
For never giving up on me 
For believing in me 
Thank you for becoming part of my story 
For loving  me even though I hated myself 
Thank you for your advice 
Your wise words and sage suggestions 
For being a good friend 
For telling me what I needed to hear rather than what I wanted to hear 
Thank you for taking my story in to your hearts 
For sending me love from the four corners of the world 
Thank you for letting me cry 
For making me laugh
For allowing me to be myself 
For accepting me
For being the voice of reason
Thank you for reminding me that I am unique 
That I am lovable 
And that I am not a bad person
Thank you for never giving up on me 
For providing a safe place for me to fall
For forming a supportive community of ED sufferers 
You girls saved my life and my sanity over and over again
Thank you 
I love you 
I will never forget you

If you want to stay in touch 
Please email me
We can Facebook or whatever suits you


Saturday, 4 March 2017


Still here...

I am still here 
I know 
I'm not terribly active here on blogger anymore
But I do like to check in once in a while
I've had a busy week to say the least
Mary had asked me to do some media interviews as part of EDAW
So I did two radio interviews
And two newspaper interviews
I have to tell you
It was a scary business
But I think they went well
I really did my best 
And I wanted to do for all ED sufferers out there
And for you 
Monday I did Ocean FM
Which was live in the studio
At one point I went completely blank 
Couldn't remember what I was doing
Or saying 
 Couldn't even remember my own name 
But I think I managed to pick it up again without too much dead air
The interviewer was lovely 
And Mary and my Mam  were there
I couldn't ask for better support
It lasted about 15 minutes 
And I did my best to get everything in to the interview 
Of course when it was over 
I thought of all the things I could have said 
But look
It's done now 
After the interview on Monday 
We picked up the newspaper I featured in
I went in to the shop
And there I was on the front page
I nearly died
And immediately became super self conscious 
Theng there was a big photo of myself and Mary on page 11
Oh my God it was a very strange experience seeing myself in print
Then on Tuesday 
I had an interview on Shannonside FM
Which was over the phone
Again I was very nervous 
At one point I mentioned my blog 
And the interviewer asked me for the name of it
I didn't know what to say 
So I said I would tell him after the interview 
He didn't push the issue after that 
I was so relieved to have all the interviews over with 
I probably will never know if I helped anyone 
I know in the days following 
Two girls presented to Mary having heard my interviews
That in itself is amazing!
To know I made a difference 
And my story mattered

On Wednesday 
I went horse riding 
And we had the final day of our course 
So they did a little graduation ceremony 
And we got certs and ribbons
So lovely 
I am thoroughly enjoying horse riding again 
I wish I could do more of it
I know now that I made the right decision leaving my course 
I have no doubt about that 

In other news 
You might have seen that I made a Facebook page for me, my dogs and Coco
Being a bit of a technophobe 
I am still trying to navigate my way through it 
I don't know how to share the link here 
So if someone could let me know 
I would be hella grateful
But yes 
My relationship with Coco continues to blossom
I love that little pony so much 
He brings so much happiness to my life 
Bit by bit 
He has relaxed around me 
And is letting his personality shine 
He is such a character 
A cheeky monkey 
One of his favourite things to go is pull my hat off my head 
And play with it in his mouth
He also likes to run around like a complete lunatic 
He drinks tea 
He rolls around 
We play chase 
And generally have a lot of fun
I am now taking charge of feeding him
And more interest I show in him
The more his owner stands back 
So I'm not really sure what is happening 
But I'm too attached now to walk away

In other news
I booked a day photographer to come and take photos of me and the dogs and Coco
We are going to do it in the field 
It costs €90 everything included
So I think that's pretty good going 
Can't wait to share them with you 

That's all from me today 
Hope you are all doing ok
And if someone could please tell me how to share the link to my page 
I will love you forever....

Monday, 27 February 2017

On the radio....

It's been a busy week
Last Monday did an interview with a local newspaper 
About my story 
And it bring EDAW 
It was very timely 
I did my best 
And I did it for all ED sufferers
Whether you are in the midst of your illness 
Or in recovery 
I did it for you 
The newspaper came out today 
It was a good article 
And both mine and Mary's main points were covered 
Today I did an interview on local radio
Which was an experience let me tell you 
Again Mary was with me 
And we both got through it 
At times I looked to Mary for support 
And she would give me a little wink to let me know I was doing ok 
I have to tell you 
It was nerve wrecking 
And I was a bit of a nervous wreck 
Sitting in the studio
Waiting for my cue
Was pretty terrifying 
But once I started to speak
I was ok
T he interviewer was very good 
And had obviously done some research about the subject
At one point
After he had asked a question
I am went completely blank
I couldn't remember the question
What I was talking about
And what the fell was going on
But somehow I managed to pick it up again
And I don't think it was noticed 
In the middle of the interview 
One of my friend texted in to the show 
And I have him a shout out which was funny
I really did my best though 
And try to cover the main points 
Dispel the myths 
And advice for people who are struggling 
All too soon 
It was over 
And the relief was massive 
I was glad just to have got through it 
And I hope it goes somewhat to help others who are suffering 
Tomorrow I have another interview on radio
And then I am finished thank God
I am not cut for this craic
It's exhausting 
But so worth doing 
I got some feedback after the interview 
It was all very positive 
And great to hear people's thoughts 

Helping people with an ED can be a minefield 
What do you say?
What do you not say?
When do you play good cop?
And when do you play bad cop?
I think you have to judge each case individually 
Sometimes it's appropriate to be gentle 
And sometimes stronger words are needed
I guess I am in the position now that I've seen the benefits of recovery 
And I know there is no need to suffer 
So it can be frustrating to watch someone self destruct again and again
I can only imagine what my family went through over the years 
Endless patience is a must when dealing with EDs
I am no poster girl for recovery 
I make mistakes every single day 
I say the wrong thing
Do the wrong thing
But I know that my heart is in the right place 
And I just want the best for those around me

I missed Coco today
Am going straight over to see him tomorrow adternoon
And tell him all about my adventures 
Because he has been part of my recovery too
He's part of the jigsaw puzzle that is my life and my recovery

If you would like to listen to the interview
You can find it on line 
Google Ocean FM
And look for the podcasts and Ruth's story
Now you know my real name 
But if you get a chance 
Have a listen
I'd love to know what you think...

Monday, 20 February 2017


As you may know
Eating Disorders Awareness Week starts the 27th February running until March 5th
Mary contacted me last week
To ask me if I would be interested in doing a couple of interviews with local press
So today I did a phone interview with a local newspaper 
It was all done on speaker phone 
And Mary was interviewed too
I hope we did a good job
As I'm very aware when doing these things that I am speaking for our whole community 
The interviewer was lovely 
Very kind and gentle 
And asked very intelligent questions 
Not just looking for the gory details 
I was quite a nervous nelly this morning 
But I was delighted to do something that might help others in the same situation
The press officer for our national health service gave a press release today 
And I was asked to supply a quote
I write a few lines about the myths surrounding EDs
And encouraged those suffering to reach out and seek help
I am doing an interview on local radio next Monday morning 
That will be challenging as it will be live 
But again 
I am privileged to be speaking for our community 
I don't know if these publications will be on line 
But I will certainly keep you posted

I was away this weekend 
And I missed my dogs and Coco something serious 
Can't wait to see Coco tomorrow
And it will be intetesting to see how he reacts when he sees me
I spoke this morning about how much animals have helped in my recovery 
My dogs 
My horse riding 
They are a huge part of my life now
And really make life worth living 

Must dash
Just wanted to let you know about EDAW
See you in the next post....

Saturday, 18 February 2017

The next chapter...

I have been feeling that my blog is coming to a natural end
It's five years now since I started writing 
And it felt like it might be time to stop
Where once I relied so much on this blog
And the people here 
Now I am living life 
And don't rely on it as much 
As well as that 
Blogger is so very quiet 
And i tend to use Facebook more
So I had been thinking about writing my last post
When it occurred to me
I can still write 
But instead of focusing on my eating disorder and addiction
I can write about what's happening for me now 
Because there is lots happening
I'm in a group on Facebook called Friendly Horse Chat 
And that's mostly where I post now
I asked the lovely people there 
If they would be interested in reading my blog 
And I got a great response 
So I will share the link with them
In other words 
I'm not going anywhere 
Just taking a different path

I'm away for the weekend 
And I have to be honest with you 
I am missing Coco something serious 
I usually spend my Saturday with him 
So I feel a bit lonely for him
I know it's only two days 
But I don't feel right until I get my daily dose of Coco
We went to a musical last night 
And I spent the interval watching videos of him
I have  it bad 
I love that little guy so much
And I will probably text his owner today to see how he is 
But of course I'm missing the dogs too
That goes without saying 
Things are going well with Coco
He even got me a Valentine's rose 
I know it was from Cocos owner 
But we will pretend it was from Coco 
I think I am making progress with him 
He seems quite comfortable around me now 
And has no problem thoroughly investigating me every time I visit him
I usually bring Lea or both dogs with me 
And we all run around the field like lunatics
I love to see Coco having fun
Running and bucking and frolicking 
It's such a lovely sight
I am learning like a complete looper running around the field 
But I really enjoy it 
And that is the main thing

In other news 
I've done four weeks of my horse course now 
Two more to go
I'm loving it 
And even though it's mostly stuff I've done before 
It's great to go over it again
The last few weeks I've been in a new riding group
With two other girls 
We all canter so I guess it makes sense to put us together 
I am thoroughly enjoying riding again 
My confidence had been knocked in my course before Christmas 
But I feel I am back feeling good again 
The last two weeks 
I've been on a new horse called Leroy
Who is a big boy
But a gentle giant with it
It's been so exciting riding a new horse 
And it feels like it just works 
Like it's all coming together 
I've also been thinking about the horsemanship course I was doing
And I think I'd like to go back to it at some point 
I feel like I have unfinished business there 
I will wait and see what happens 
Life has been taking me on such unexpected journeys recently 
So I'm excited to see what happens next
Life is good at the moment 
I feel happy and content 
I spend my days with the animals in my life 
And I just love it!

So yes 
I am sticking around for the moment 
I would have to stop writing this blog 
As it has been a life line over the years 
And back a few years ago 
Blogger was buzzing 
And it was really exciting to be part of it 
Now it is so quiet 
Which is a shame 
But I guess like me 
People have gone in to use other social media 
Like Facebook and Instagram
If you are interested 
I am goon to keep writing 
And let you know about my recovery rather than my illness 
Or if there is anything you would like me to write about in particular 
Do let me know 

Eating Disorders Awareness Week is coming up soon 
My counsellor Mary has asked me to do a couple of interviews with local newspapers and radio stations 
Which I will do 
I was also contacted my a journalist from a national tabloid newspaper and asked to do an interview 
I am unsure whether to do it or not 
As they have already asked for photos 
And I'm pretty sure they will be after the gory details like numbers, food diaries etc
But in fairness 
The journalist who contacted me has been quite tactful 
And says she wouldn't want me to do the interview if it would hinder my recovery 
I said I would think about it over the weekend 
But I was wondering what you guys thought 
Have you ever done an interview?
If you were me 
Would you do it?
I am very reluctant to give photos 
But I would be willing to give a head shot of when I was ill
I don't think I would be comfortable sharing a full body shot
I  would love to know your thoughts

Also before I go 
Hello and welcome to all my new readers!
I hope you get something from my blog and it's a pleasure to have your company 
Happy Saturday everyone!
See you on the next post!