D day

So today's the day. After two months of hard work it all happens tonight. We had our last practise yesterday and the room was all set up with all the seats and the judges table. Yes, there are judges but we are assured that it won't be an X factor type situation where they tell us we are rubbish and shouldn't have bothered. It will all be positive and encouraging. I hope. There are 3 group dances and then we dance with our partner for one number. Seeing the room all set up last night made me nervous as it all suddenly seemed real. Up until now it was hard to believe today would ever come but here it is all too soon. One thing that I am worried about is that everybody is going clubbing afterwards and by the sounds of it they intend to get trashed. Call me boring but I don't drink anymore (see previous alcohol and drug addiction) and I just don't fancy watching everyone else get drunk.. I have an excuse at the ready, I have to go to my friends birthday party. Does that sound plausible?

Anyway, eating disorder I need you to leave me alone today. I'm giving you the day off, just one day is all I ask. I need to be able to eat something and not purge or feel overwhelming guilty because I do not want to faint on the middle of the dance floor. So take a hike, I promise you can come back tomorrow but today I just can't deal with you.

A small victory, I made it through the night without waking up and raiding the fridge. I have been doing this for about the last month. I think hunger wakes me up and I stumble to the kitchen half asleep and grab the first thing that looks tasty. Hopefully that's the end of that messed up behaviour.

So my dears, I hope this post finds you all well and please cross your fingers for me today.

Lots of love,

Rubyxxx