Fuck my life.
Fast is going well so far, am allowing myself tea with sweetener and that is all.
Hope you all are having a good weekend.
Much lovexxx
Saturday, 12 May 2012
Fuck my life
So I'm fasting today, along with some other beautiful bloggers. Mary will weigh me on Wednesday so hopefully I'll see a significant drop by then. The first day is always the hardest so I'm trying to stay busy to keep my mind off food. To be honest part of me feels a bit weird supporting other peoples choice to fast. Part of me wants to say 'you don't need to fast, you are beautiful and perfect the way you are'. But I can't be a hypocrite and say it's alright for me to do it but it's not ok for you. I have an eating disorder but I don't consider myself pro-ana. I didn't choose to become anorexic although I choose not to pursue recovery. Maybe that does make me pro-ana. I don't know it's confusing. Do you consider yourself pro-ana? I am torn between wanting to do the right thing and my eating disorder. So why do I hang on to my eating disorder with a death grip. The truth is I don't know how to live without it. It's like me security blanket. It numbs me. it's there for me no matter what, it's what I'm good at. Other people have things that define them like they might be a great artist of an amazing singer. My defining characteristic is my eating disorder as sad as that is. Also as hard as it is to admit it my ed is a great excuse to opt out of life. I can't get a job because I have an eating disorder, I can't go to college because I have an eating disorder, I can't go out to dinner with you because I have an eating disorder, the list goes on and on. And why do I not want to do any of these things? It all boils down to a fear of failure.
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This is a very thought provoking entry.. I guess my Blog is labelled "pro ana" but thats just it to me a label. I dont support people choosing to have an eating disorder as quite honestly I dont think its possible and a person must be whacked out if they think having one is any fun.. But then I live with ED and I almost choose (like yourself) not to recover. In that sense I am all for it in my own life, and am happy to support others with ED because I guess I know how they feel. And if someone makes a conscious choice to not recover then I understand, but then if someone wants to recover I would support them even more. Recovery strikes me as courageous, breaking away from that safety net of the ED. I salute any that want to recover because it "normality" is a beautiful and enviable thing.. So I guess I am pro-ana and also against ana at the same time if thats possible?
ReplyDeleteHmm very thought provoking.
Glad your fast is going well too, we have made it half the day so far (yay)
Much love x
To me you are not a hypocrite although some would see it that way. I don't. I see that you geinuly care which is rare. You have a eating disorder and those things never fully go away. It will always been there even when you get better.
ReplyDeleteAs for me I am more EDNOS. I don't fit into anorexia or bulimia. Although I experimented with both off and on since I was like 11 which is sad. I got tired of everyone calling me fat next to my twin sister( we do not look alike )
Anyway I hope the rest of your day goes good. I am about to go into work.( awesome distraction ) Then when I come home tonight I really should study for my test this upcoming tuesday but I think I will more than likely get back here on the net and chat with some awesome people :-)