Are we all addicts?

Are we all addicts?

I did a post of the same title a few months ago so I thought I would do an update

The programme that prompted this post was called 'How to get a life' on BBC presented by Chery Healy
She followed people that were addicted to different substances from diet pills to legal highs
She interviewed one girl who was addicted to diet pills
She had a press full of pills and potions
I could identify a lot with this girl as she used to be a dancer
I remember when I did ballet people used to say to me that I had to be careful when I gave up because all the muscle turned to fat
Of course that wasn't true but it terrified me

Addiction is rife in my family so I had a pretty good chance of becoming an addict

Genetics loaded the gun but environment, circumstance and just plain bad luck pulled the trigger

My addiction comes out in lots of weird and wonderful ways

I definitely think I have an addictive personality 

If something feels good, I do it over and over again and I think I have the potential to become addicted to almost anything not just the usual suspects like drink and drugs

The substance may change but the feelings and behaviours are the same
If I find a food that I like I eat it over and over again (at the moment it's twix bars) and I get anxious if there are none in the house
I remember a few years ago my 'food' was drifter bars
For my birthday that year my boss gave me a bumper box of them
He knew me well
I ate them like they were going out if fashion
And then they did
All of a sudden shops stopped stocking them
I remember being in the car with my mother and getting her to drive from shop to shop, from tow to town to try and find them
I had to have them and no other chocolate bar would do
I felt no different than when I was craving heroin
Same shit different substance

So here's a list of my addictions from past to present

Drugs

I first took drugs when I was 14 and dabbled with them up until age 18

At 18 I took heroin for the first time and was instantly hooked

I was on the merry-go-round that is heroin addiction for 6 years

I don't need to tell you that heroin is difficult to get off but I managed it

I moved away from my old town and started a new life

I don't go back to my old town as it is one big trigger

Alcohol

When I was younger I didn't have much interest in alcohol, maybe because my father was a drinker and I say the damage that he caused

But after I got off heroin I started drinking vodka and mixing it with my meds

I drank for about 2-3 years

I believe that alcohol is the most destructive drug, mainly because it is legal

I don't like the person I become when I drink, all maudlin and melancholy

I stopped drinking because I was starting to black out

I lost all concept of time and took great risks like drinking and driving

I don't drink at all now because as they say in AA 'One is too many and a thousand never enough'

Methadone

I've been on methadone now for 8 years

I started on 70mls and am now down to 30mls

It definitely helped me get off heroin but now I am addicted to it

They it's harder to get off than heroin, that it gets in to your bones and I'd well believe it

When I was on a higher dose I used to abuse it and sometimes even sell it but now I am on a lower dose I can't afford to do that

I'd say I'll be on methadone for at least another couple of years

Prescription Drugs

I've been addicted to a few prescription meds including morphine

I remember when I was in hospital I used to see the other people lining up to get their sleeping tablets and I was jealous so I said I couldn't sleep and they put me on a sleeper

Coming off prescription meds is a nightmare, the withdrawals can last for months

I definitely believe that synthetic/man made drugs are worse than natural drugs

At the moment I'm on methadone, olanzapine (anti anxiety) and mirtazapine (anti depressant)

I still sometimes abuse the olanzapine but I don't take the mirtazapine

I think prescription drugs are over used when often other methods would me much better like talking therapy

Anorexia/bulimia

I include these as I believe that they are a form of addiction

I was addicted to not eating and then became addicted to purging

The behaviours are the same as any other addiction, the lying, the cheating, the secrecy, the guilt, the shame

Shoplifting

This has been a big problem for me

I used to shoplift when I was addicted to drugs to feed my habit

But when I stopped taking drugs the shoplifting didn't just go away

I continued to get the 'high' and that was addictive

Shoplifting was a big part of my bulimia too

I was so ashamed of all the food I used to buy that I started stealing it

I took great risks as this is a small town and if I got caught everyone would know about it

I also used to steal other items like make up or jewellry

I still have two boxes of stuff that I neither want nor need

I have worked hard with Mary over the last few months to stop the shoplifting and I've only done it a couple of times recently

Cigarettes

I started smoking when I was about 14 and have been smoking ever since

I hate the fact that smoke but yes I am afraid if I give them up I'll gainw eight

My father gave them up 6 months ago and made it look very easy but he has also put on some weight

Hopefully someday I'll give them up

Exercise

I go through phases of being addicted to exercise and I'm in one right now

It suddenly occurred to me one day that I am incredibly lazy (is that anorexia I here?)

So instead of bringing my dogs for one walk a day, I started bringing them for two

I also bought a stepper and parked it in front of the television

I used it for 2 -4 hours everyday

I don't feel like I can relax until I have the exercise done and feel guilty if I don't complete a certain amount

Diet Pills

I've tried a few different diet pills and they've never really worked but that doesn't stop me trying
Not only are the pills themselves addictive but the feeling is too
The feeling that these pills are the answer to all my problems
The promise of happiness
I believe that my eating disorder has been silently developing since birth but somewhere along the way I got the message that thin = happiness and thin = success
Of course I now know that couldn't be further from the truth

Weighing
I used to weigh myself obsessively
Up to 10 times a day
In the morning, after I ate, after I purged, after I went to the bathroom
My life was ruled by those little numbers
I had to stop weighing as it was dictating my mood ,my self worth and my self esteem
Now I only weigh once a week with Mary

Sugar

I crave sugar the way I used to crave heroin

Internet

I'm probably not alone with this one

Who hasn't looked up from the computer and realise that it's been 3 hours since you last moved

I know I need to get off the computer when I'm bursting for a wee
Hands up if you're addicted to the internet!

Television

I am a total tv addict and often plan my day around programmes I want to see

Sometimes I find it really hard to pull myself away from the tv

My favourite programme is 'Come dine with me'

I use to watch box sets at night but had to stop as I was getting no sleep

I watched every episode of 'The Sopranos' back to back 3 times

Same with Mad Men

Same with Grey's Anatomy

Same with..........

Tea

The first thing I do in the morning is turn on the kettle

I wish I liked coffee but I don't

I like the smell of coffee but I don't like the taste

I couldn't live without tea

There's something about a steaming hot cup that soothes the soul

Any time is tea time is my house

We celebrate, we laugh, we cry, all with a cup of tea

With all that said I was wondering about you

What are you addicted to?

Do you have an addictive personality?