Silver Linings

I started writing this blog about 8 months ago
I had been reading blogs for a while before I finally decided to write my own
My family are all big readers and my brother is a writer so I've always had a love of books and writing
I started writing because I wanted to connect with others who are in the position as me
I thought that we could help each other
And having pushed all my friends away I really needed like minded people to talk to
Starting this blog turned out to be one of the better decisions I have made
I remember getting my first comment and my first follower
I was so  happy that someone had taken the time to read what I had written
Writing has given me a purpose
A reason to get up in the morning
Writing this blog has literally saved my life over and over again



I wanted to write about this today as my doctor raised some concerns about my blog
He wonders if it hinders me rather than helps me
He says people who have full and happy lives don't have time to blog
I don't think I agree with that but I can see his point in some ways
As well as all the positives there are a couple of negatives
When I write I tend to only write about my eating disorder or drug addiction
Him and Mary are always telling me that I need to find other interests
That I need to spend less time on my eating disorder
I agree with this
Out of the 24 hours in a day, I spend about 23 hours reading, writing, thinking and talking about my eating disorder
Everything else plays second fiddle
Their point is that if I found something else to do then I wouldn't be giving so much attention to my eating disorder
But so far I haven't been able to do this



Also reading other blogs I run the risk of being triggered
And there is the temptation to compare myself to others
I find reading other peoples weight very triggering
That's part of the reason that I don't reveal mine
I read a mixture of recovery blogs and blogs of people who are choosing not to recover
I guess that's a reflection of my state of mind
Somewhere between the two
But then again triggers are absolutely everywhere
On tv
In magazines
On the street
On the internet
So it's hard to escape them
It's up to me how I respond to them



But overall blogging has been a really positive thing for me
I've met some truly dear friends here
Friends that I've grown to love and really care about
We may never meet each other
We might not even know each others real names
But we identify with each other
We are all living different version of the same life
My blog is my safe place
A place to vent
To share my sorrow and happiness
To share my darkest secrets
Painful memories
To let the demons out of my head



To tell the things I can't tell anyone else
Where I can truly be me without fear of judgement
We have a unique community here
We come from the 4 corners of the earth but we are bound by a common thread
We are eating disordered
We are hurting
We are lonely
Depressed
We are a bit lost
We are struggling
We don't know where we are going
Geographically we are worlds apart
We are different ages, races and nationality
We may never meet or speak
But I consider you some of my best friends




We know exactly how each other is feeling
Some of us are hanging on by our fingertips
Some of us are in pain that is almost impossible to bear
We are fighting a battle every minute of every day
Some of us just want to disappear
Some of us have given up hope
Food and weight rule our lives
Our every waking moment
No else understands but us
They try but they can't



We are all at different stages
Some of us are in recovery
Some are dipping their toe in
Some of us choose not
But we are all in this together
I receive unwavering support from you girls
And for that I am eternally grateful

In treatment, at meetings, in my life and through this blog I have met some amazing people
People suffering with eating disorders are some of the most beautiful, caring, loving, talented, artistic and sensitive people I have ever met
I think we are hyper sensitive
We feel pain and hurt so very easily
But it also means that we feel compassion and empathy for others
I think about the friends I've made here a lot
I wonder how you are doing
I worry if you are going through a hard time
Sometimes bloggers disappear
One day they are there and the next they are gone
I wonder what happened to them
Did they recover?
Did they get worse?
Dis they go to treatment?
Did they die?

This blog and you girls have literally saved my life over and over again
Reading comments makes my day
I've been shown such unconditional love and support that sometimes it's overwhelming
I don't consider myself a great speaker so writing is ideal for me
And I've discovered a real passion for it



I feel so blessed to be part of your journey
To get a glimpse in to your world
Some of you know me better than my own family 
They say every cloud has a silver lining and my silver lining is definitely the people I have met over the years
In hospital
In treatment
And here
People I would never have met other wise
You all have helped me more than you know
To know that I am not alone is something so precious
To know that you understand
That you feel the same
That you've been there too means so much

Having said all that I was wondering about you?
How long have you been blogging?
Has it been a positive or a negative in your life?