Thank God it's Monday
Thank God the weekend is over
And all the horrible things that happened are in the past
Let me explain......
For the past two weeks I have been getting terrible acid reflux
It's been constant and it's been driving me bananas
It feels like the acid in my stomach is climbing up my oesophagus and giving me the most painful and uncomfortable sensation
I can't eat with it
It's been making me very ill
And I've been eating Rennie like no body's business but no relief
That was the first complaint
Then on Friday a dull ache began to develop in my tooth
I tried to ignore it
Tried to pretend it wasn't there
And hoped and prayed that it would go away
Of course it didn't
It got progressively worse
Yesterday the pain got so bad I was tempted to rip it out with a pair of pliers
Figuring that that would cause me even more pain I decided against it
Between the acid reflux and my tooth I felt like I was losing my marbles
Yesterday was my sisters birthday and her and my nephew were coming for dinner
I didn't know how I was going to get through the day so I went on the hunt for some strong painkillers
All I could find was a box of tablets called Feminax
Which are for period pain
I checked the ingredients and saw that they contained codeine paracetemol
That would do
The box said to take one
But for reasons best known to myself I took 5
Yes 5
I've always been like this
It's like I think that the manufacturers are erring on the side of caution when they recommend a dose
So I always take more to get maximum effect
Also maybe the fact that I am an addict and I am hoping to get some sort of buzz
A while later and my toothache had vanished
But then I started to feel a bit strange
I felt lightheaded and dizzy
Like I was outside of my own body
I felt slightly drunk
And was bumping in to things
It wasn't an enjoyable feeling
I felt sick to my stomach and was so sorry that I had taken so many
It took a few hours for the strange feeling to pass
I managed to eat a little dinner and hang out with my nephew
Then after my sister left my toothache came back with vengeance
I took 4 paracetemol
But they didn't work
So I had the not so bright idea to take more Feminax
And proceeded to take 4 more
It wasn't long before I was feeling that weird feeling again
What is wrong with me?
I never learn
I remember once I bought diet pills off the internet
The recommended dose was 2 a day
I took 12
Who does that?
Me apparently
I was so sick last night
I was vomiting at regular intervals
My acid reflux was unbearable
I was in so much pain and discomfort
All I could do was lie on the couch and feel sorry for myself
I really felt so horrible
Mu mum told me that I looked grey in the face
She wanted to bring me to casualty but I refused because I knew I would be seeing my doctor first thing this morning
This is what happens when I do things my way
I think that Ruby's way is best
And all common sense goes out the window
Boy did I pay the price
Thankfully I slept last night
And woke up feeling a lot better
Mum reminded me that when I was in hospital last year they did the test where they put a camera down your throat
My oesophagus was inflamed
So we decided that if it got any worse we would go to casualty
I saw my doctor this morning
He confirmed that it was acid reflux
He prescribed me a tablet for it
I asked him if this could happen as a result of purging
He said it definitely could
It just goes to show the negative effects of having an eating disorder
And my toothache is sure to be as a result of it too
I rang my dentist this morning and will go to see him soon
Most of the time I go along thinking that my ED is not causing me any problems
That everything is ok
But even now when things are a lot better
My ED still can cause problems
I feel a lot better today
Thank freakin' Jesus
I know that I need t take better care of myself
I am generally not very good at that
I wait until I am in unbearable pain before I do anything
My teeth are in a sorry state
I have regular trouble with them
That's what I get for rinsing them in acid every day for 14 years
Today I feel weak and listless
My body is weary and tired
The older I get the more health problems I get
I forget that eating disorders take a serious toll on our bodies
I've abused my body so much over the years it's a wonder that I am still alive at all
Not being able to eat properly is a huge trigger
Although the good part about that is that I am not purging very much at all
I know that as quickly as I put on weight
I can lose it all very quickly too
I am going to rest today
That is taking care of myself
That is being mindful of my health
Will I ever learn?
Bad times honey, that sounds like a horrible few days! I'm very glad you're feeling better today.
ReplyDeleteNot to be a nag, but that really was a lot of codeine, especially if you're already on methadone. You know codeine is metabolised to morphine in the liver?
I'm sure you know the effects of long term bulimia; torn oesophagus, ulcers, rotting teeth, cancer...how do you feel about not purging? Is it something you've tried / are trying to do or are you just in the "cutting back" stage?
Think about what you're doing, and if it's what you really want to do. A relapse can come in many guises...
Love
C x
Woha, just realised that comment sounds really arsey, sorry! I didn't mean it to sounds like that.
ReplyDeleteC
"It feels like the acid in my stomach is climbing up my oesophagus and giving me the most painful and uncomfortable sensation" i know how this feels. i still get mine and i relate it to purging too much from beforehand. my stomach is emptied out very quickly and if i don't eat for 5-6 hours, especially if i ate breakfast, i get acid coming up again. :( it's not pleasant. sorry about that angel x
ReplyDeleteyou definitely don't need 5 of any pill. i'm a laxative abuser. taking one is unheard of. taking two is unheard of. but i'm forcing myself to take one every 2 days rather than not take any for a week and then taking 5 in one go. not the best but at least my stools aren't watering and i'm not losing loads of water weight in one go. it does help me go is all so i'm more regular. x
"My ED still can cause problems" i've been in recovery for a year or so, and i still get the acid reflux (doesn't help that stomach problems are hereditary so my Mother has it and it's possible that this'll stay as a good problem), i don't have regular bowel movements and it was only recently that i started feeling heat. i think it's a combination of eating better and more exercise. usually, i am so cold that i wear layers when it's 40 degrees Celsius outside. for the first half of recovery, my hair still fell out. no more.
"I've abused my body so much over the years it's a wonder that I am still alive at all" i believe that we're all alive for a reason. if we abuse, thrash it, shove pills and things in it, and it's still there. only means one thing: we are strong. our bodies are strong. and we are meant to live. simply as that.
-Sam Lupin
I don't think I've ever taken a pill according to guidelines. I always think they are for normal people and I am not normal in my pain, my ed, in anything. The only pills I do take as many of as I should are my prescribed pills, because otherwise they won't last until I can pick up new ones and I am terrified of going without.
ReplyDeleteRecognotion all over the place...
ReplyDeleteAlso battling all sort of consequences of my disturbed behaviour, as we speak, and still haven't learned enough...
I hope you feel a little better soon
**((sweet cuddle))**
A*
Get well soon!! Really sorry to hear that you have been this horrible... Dentist asap,ok??? And from now on every 6 months!!!and you know everything anyway.but it will get better,all of it,promise
ReplyDeleteXxxx
I feel your pain ruby. I suffer from terrible acid reflux despite being on a high dose of medication for it. I am also having all my teeth removed (yes all) despite being only 30 and will be having dentures because the damage i've done to them through purging is irreparable. Despite knowing the damage i was doing to them it was never enough to stop me. I hope you feel better soon. Much love xx
ReplyDeleteAn acid reflux and a toothache at the same time really limits your options in terms of pain medication. And those particular side effects from the pills sounded quite scary. Thankfully, you felt better after you took time to rest and consulted your doctor afterwards. Also, I hope that you had your dentist check that toothache, just to make sure that there are no further complications that may arise from that front.
ReplyDeleteMildred Moss @ Dentures Done Right
Awww! That's terrible. I really hope that you learned your lesson back then. Be mindful of the recommended dosage. I'm just really glad that things didn't escalate to worse events. I hope your issue with acid reflux and your toothache have been resolved, respectively. Take care always! :)
ReplyDeleteSharon Warner @ Premier Dental Esthetics
If you have to get a tooth extracted, you might be surprised of all the new treatments available. I was terrified to get the tooth removed because I remember the pain associated with it back when i was young. Today, the dentist can numb up that location so well that you sit there awake and literally feel nothing but slight pressure.
ReplyDeleteJoanna @ Westheimer Dentist