I write.........

I am writing so much on this blog at the moment
I apologise
If this is too much information
If I am boring you
Or if I am driving you nuts with my endless posts
I really do apologise

I feel slightly manic these days (I'm sure this has something to do with my chaotic sleep pattern)
Thoughts are whizzing through my brain at lighting speed
My mouth can't quite keep up with them
Although is tries

I have to write though
I really have to write
It's like word vomit
I can't stop it
I can't seem to slow down
I write to get my thoughts down on paper or keyboard
So they are not cluttering up my mind
I write to drown out the endless noise in my head
I'm not really talking about it
So it leaks out in other ways
I write so I know that I'm not alone
I write in the hope that I will get a comment that says
'I feel like that too'
I write because for those few minutes that I am writing
I feel calm
I come down from my manic state
I write because nothing else soothes my soul (Apart from music)

I write because it gives me something to do
It something I do every day
I like that
It's structure
It gives me purpose
A reason to get up in the morning
I write because if I didn't I fear what my mental state would be like
I've been writing my whole life in one form or another
In notebooks
On this blog
On scraps of paper
In moleskins
My whole life documented from one disaster to another

I write because my memory is so bad (Thank you drug addiction)
That I need to have something to read back on
So I can recall my life
All the little things that have got lost in the sands of time
All the moments I wanted to capture and relive over and over
My childhood
Teenage dramas
Treatment
The only time that isn't documented is my drug addiction
Although maybe that's a good thing
I don't know if I want to remember that time
But part of me does
Because a lot of the time I can't remember if an event actually happened
Or if it was a drug induced dream

I write because I don't like to speak much
I quite shy at heart
With writing I can get it out at my own pace
And it makes more sense

I write to connect with others
To know that there are others like me
To relate and identify
To feel part of something

I write because I love it
That's probably most important
I write for me
Maybe I am too open
Maybe I am too honest
But I know no other way
And I don't see any reason to sugar coat things

I write so I know that I am alive
To read back and seem my life's events
Good or bad
It doesn't really matter

By the way have you heard of iambic pentameter?
My whole family spent yesterday slagging me off because I had never heard of it
Or maybe I had and my pesky short term memory decided that I didn't need that information



I was wondering about you
Why do you write?