And then she recovered.......: Birthdays and Body Image

As I wrote on my last post
It was my Mum's birthday yesterday
My sister and I started the celebrations on Friday by giving her a balloon that Honey delivered
And a cute little birthday cake after dinner
Then this morning my sister and I brought Mum shopping for a new hand bag
She chose a really lovely grey bag that you wear across the body
She was truly delighted with it

Today my whole family went out to lunch in a beautiful restaurant
I can't remember the last time we were all in a room together
So it was really special for my Mum
The meal started off with a complimentary amuse bouche
Carrot and lentil soup
Which was served on a dinky little cup
It was scrumptious
Then we had lunch
I ordered the fish cakes
When they came I was delighted to see that they were nice ans small
With a lovely fresh salad
I had been dreading huge portions
So I was so glad that there were small portions
Although I have to admit
That I did purge after them
I tried my best
I really did
And I managed to sit at the table for about 10 minutes after eating
But I just felt so uncomfortable
I had to do it
Dessert was ordered
I didn't order anything
I just had a cup of tea and some of Mum's creme brulee
So yummy

Lunch was lovely
We all laughed as I told everyone about my losing my teeth in various different ways
I seem to provide the entertainment for my family with my high jinks
But I like that
I like that I can laugh at myself
It's all in good fun
After all our bellies were full
We headed out to the beach for a walk
It was a really warm day
So we stayed until the evening
After which we all heading our separate ways

Even though we had such a great day
One thing almost ruined it for me
And that was my body image
I wore a dress with leggings
But I wasn't banking on it being such a hot day
And I wore a cardigan and scarf
More to hide my lumps and bumps than anything else
When we went out to the beach I was so uncomfortable
My dress was clinging to me
And I had to take off my scarf and cardigan because it was so hot
I genuinely felt obese
And so conspicuous with it
I spoke to my sister at one point
And told her how awful I was feeling
She told me that I was beautiful
But it doesn't matter what anyone says when I am feeling like that
No amount of platitudes can take away that feeling

I was doing some strange things to hide my body
I walked behind everyone at the beach so no one could see me
I folded my arms over my stomach a lot
And tried to hide myself with my bag
I really felt so uncomfortable in my own skin
And that is such a horrible feeling

I was so glad to get home
And first thing I did was whip the offending dress off
And changed in to a looser top
Oh the relief
The relief was amazing
I spoke to my Mum about my concerns when we got home
She told me that I just need to hang in there
That my body is adjusting
And it will settle down
She likened what I am going through to that of a teenager
You know when a teenagers body begins to mature
And they develop a chest and hips and curves
And there is that awkward time where you are getting used to your new body
That is exactly the way that I feel
Like an awkward, cumbersome teenager

I also acknowledged that I need to give myself a break
I need to stop being so hard on myself
In the last 6 months
So much has changed for me
And it's happening faster than I can process it
It's overwhelming a lot of the time
But you know what?
My Mum is dead right
I just need to hang in there
I need to be patient
And my weight will sort itself out
I just need to give it time
And I am one impatient person so that is extremely hard for me
But I am blessed to have the most amazing support
My family have been nothing short of superstars over the last 6 months
The last 6 months?
More like the last 33 years
If love could get me well
I would have recovered a long time ago
The carry me when it gets too much
I really am so lucky to them
I would truly be a lost little girl without them

Here's some photos of the day.........