Teething Issues

You might remember that I wrote a post a few weeks ago about losing one of my crowns in the swimming pool
And then promptly finding it again
I thought my tooth dramas were over
As I was being very careful with my new crowns
They were 600 Euro a pop
So as you can imagine
I am trying my best to keep them intact

Friday is food shopping day in my house
My Mum and I headed off in the morning
We walked the dogs first
And then headed to the supermarket
I was trying to decide what to have for lunch
Salad?
Nah, sick of salad
Soup
Nope, too warm for soup
Then some crusty rolls with seeds on top caught my eye
They looked tres tasty
So I grabbed some of those
I also got some freshly sliced ham
Some plump red tomatoes
And some crisp lettuce
We brought out haul home
And after putting everything away
I started to prepare lunch

I cut in to the rolls and made a pouch for all the ingredients
I slathered them in butter
Then set about putting the filling in
After washing the lettuce
I laid a few leaves down on the bread
Followed by slices of the delicious pink ham
Some scallions
And finally the tomato
It looked so good
I was very proud of my efforts

One of my crowns has been quite lose lately
But I always forget to take it out when I am eating
So I got stuck in to my roll
It was delicious
The bread was crispy
And quite hard
I was about a third of the way through the roll
When I noticed that one of my crowns was missing
I was really confused at first
I didn't feel it come out
Where the hell was it?
I felt my teeth again to make sure that it was gone
And it really was
My sister was laughing at this point
But I wasn't
I have a family dinner tomorrow
And I didn't fancy rocking up sans tooth
'Please don't laugh' I snapped at my sister
'Check your food' she said
So I checked my roll for the crown
But no joy
It wasn't on the table
It hadn't fallen on to my clothes
I couldn't understand where it had gone

Then it occurred to me
Maybe I had swallowed it
That was a distinct possibility
At first I thought that was it
It was gone
I think by now you know where this story is going
Yes, you've guessed
'I'm going to make myself sick' I announced at the table
And swept out of the room
If my Mum or sister said anything I didn't hear them
I just knew I had to get my tooth back

In the bathroom
I paused to figure out my strategy
The toilet wouldn't work
I could lose it that way
What about the sink?
Yes, the sink would work
I tied my hair back
Rolled up my sleeves
Took off my jewellery
And purged
The first one brought up nothing but bread
I know because I had to sift through it
The second purge was fruitless too
I was beginning to think that this was ridiculous
And how was I going to find it this way
I decided to purge once more
And lo and behold
There it was!
The little sucker was right there in the sink!
Holy shit
I found it!
I was so delighted

I brought my tooth up to show my Mum and sister
All they could do was laugh
What else could they do?
It was a farcical situation
I disinfected the tooth
And popped it back in my mouth
Back in it's rightful place

This is the second crown that I have lost in a strange situation
St Anthony really is looking after me
He is the patron saint of lost things after all
But please folks
Don't try this at home
I really only did this because I panicked at the thought of losing a 600 Euro tooth
Not because I wanted to purge my food
Whatever the reason
It wasn't an ideal thing to do
And it actually triggered me
And I binged and purged a couple of times afterwards

Sometimes I really worry about myself
But what's done is done
You can't un ring a bell...........