Where I am getting invitations to weddings of my school friends
And if they are not getting married
They are at least settled in a long term relationship
And having children
I see photos on FB of beautiful smiling girls in white dresses
Or adorable pictures of babies laughing and smiling
I have no problem with this
I would probably be doing the same if it were me
But I seem to be always buying gifts
Gifts when they get engaged
Gifts when they move in to their new house
Gifts and money when they actually get married
And more gifts when they have children
What about us singletons?
What if I decided I am never getting married
Or I don't want to be in a long term relationship
What then?
No gifts?
No lovely home ware?
Or fluffy towels?
Not even a measly toaster?
Why do the married folk get all the perks?
Can I send out invitations to my 'Being single' party?
And everyone can bring presents
And instead of people giving me gifts for my babies
Can I have gifts for my dogs?
Like a little dog coat and cap
Why can't I do that?
Ok
I am getting off the point here
And my tongue was firmly in my cheek when I wrote that last paragraph
Please don't take me seriously
What I really wanted to talk about was getting married
I don't know if I want to get married
Not that I have the opportunity or anything
But in general I don't think I want to get married
Maybe because I have seen so many marriages fail
Including my own parents
I was never one of those people who dreamed of a white wedding ever since I was a child
If I was ever to get married
It would be a very small affair
And it would be short
Weddings are just too long
A whole day
And most of it waiting for this and for that
No thank you very much
Maybe that would all change if I met the right person
Maybe if I fell in love I would really want to get married
But forever is a long time
And things change
People change
I can't promise you that I will be the same person in 20 years as I am today
I can't promise I will be faithful
I can't predict the future
I can do my best
But that's about it
When I was with my ex boyfriend
We promised to stay together forever
To always be true and loyal
But that didn't happen
We drifted apart
Grew apart
It happens
And if we had got married
It would have been a lot trickier to get out of
I must come across as very cynical
And maybe I am
I know people get married for security
For the children
But it's a very expensive mistake to make to marry the wrong person
Not to mention the fallout with children
Having said all that
I have seen marriages work
I have seen two people fall in love over and over again
I know that it can work
And it must be amazing when it does
But me?
I''m just not willing to take that chance
Not yet any way
With all that said
I was wondering about you
Do you think you will ever get married?
Maybe you are married
Is it all you thought it would be?
This is such an interesting topic to me, that I think about often! I've always wanted to get married, my life goal was to be a wife and stay at home mom, I never wanted to work. But after I was single for a while and started going back to school for nursing, I discovered that I love working, I love being independent, and the older I've grown the more cynical about marriage and children I get too. This is a terrible world, I don't want to bring a human I care about into it! But at the same time, I do still want to get married and have children, I have such conflicting thoughts about it.
ReplyDeleteI think it scares me more and more with my boyfriend being 28 and his timeline of us getting married was by the time he's 30, sooooooo I have fear and excitement that engagement isn't too far out for us.....
But if you choose not to get married then that's great, you can meet someone an dnot want to get married. Weddings are expensive, and divorces are even more expensive. My dad was married to my stepmother and then he divorced and has been dating his girlfriend for 6 years now, they live together, their committed and loyal. He said he'll never get married again though, but maybe him and Julie (his gf) will get rings and say their own little vows for each other, you know, a commitment to themselves, that way, it's sad to say, but if it never works out, all they were out of were nice rings, not weddings and divorces and all that.
I think you can have a beautiful commitment to someone without a marriage, everyone has their own idea of love and commitment.
<3
Kay
One added thought to that,
Deleteeveryone has their own idea of love and commitment....so if you want, that love and commitment can be to yourself! It doesn't always have to be to another person.
Everyones life goals are different, and I don't want you to feel beat up about not having a significant other or marriage or kids. I think you're just perfect that way you are right now Ruby and your commitment right now is to your recovery, that's a beautiful thing.
<3
I never thought of it like that Kay
DeleteI guess I've always struggled with the idea of loving myself
Heck I didn't know if I even liked myself
But you are right
At the moment I am showing love and kindness to myself
And that is so cool
I am so glad that you have found love
You truly deserve it x
is everything ok? was sth wrong with my email? or that i replied too late?
ReplyDeleteYea hun, just emailed you, you ok? x
DeleteI'm a bit younger than you, but I'm also at 'the age' when all my friends are getting married and having kids (probably because most of them are older than me). The downside is I've also seen some painfully young couples get divorced. Two of my close friends, now 24 and 30, started dating when she was 14, moved in at 16, engaged at 18, married by age 20 and divorced by 22. He's now engaged to another woman.
ReplyDeleteI've never really seen myself getting married, but maybe that'd change when I met the right person. I like domesticity and I think 'housewife' would make a great career for me, but the actual romantic relationship side of things? Not so much. It's just never been a priority. My last relationship proved my suspicions that I'm not currently stable enough for a relationship, and I wouldn't want to drag anyone else into this mess again anyway, so I guess it's a while in the future if I ever do choose to settle down.
My brother is engaged to be married in the next few years and I'm already panicking about having to go... Hopefully she decides on a small-ish wedding!
As for the gifts, you could have a housewarming party of your own, or parties for Honey and Lea (I threw Billy a birthday party for his 1st and we had like eight dogs and their families come over), or you could throw Not-a-Mother's Day party or a Happily Single Valentine's party and everyone could do Secret Santa type thing? :P lol
<3
xxxx
I feel the same Bella
DeleteI am not in the position to get in to a relationship yet
It would just be too stressful at the moment
I was really just joking about the gifts
But I guess there is truth in jest
I love your ideas for parties though x
to be honest, when it comes to marriage - i just see it as something that i must do. considering how i've been brought up in my life (we do arranged marriages here so often. it's very normal. the parents often arrange things for their children, and it's something that is so socially acceptable here). that is how i view marriage. it is something that i might have to do and they will probably expect children. i think marrying for love is a farce - but that's only because of my background rather than a generalised opinion. but around here...not so much. you just sort of have to do it.
ReplyDeletei also like that you said that you will try your best. that's all that really matters in the end. try your best and see how it works really.
if you want something, ask for it. that's my philosophy. ask for gifts if you want them. i used to be all modest and go like "i don't want presents" during my birthday but now i'm just like "get me a pressie you dumbfuck". though then i get scared because my birthday is on April 1st and it's just so hard because nobody believes me when i tell them on that day + there's always a chance for a prank joke and i HATE that.
either way, this comment seemed to make no sense. sorry my dear. <3
-Sam Lupin
Will that happen to you Sam?
DeleteWill your marriage be arranged?
You make perfect sense my dear
You always do
So logical and smart
Yay for presents!! x
i hope nothing offended you from my above comment as nowadays, i've been so worried about offending people accidentally with something i might have said that might have hurt them. i apologise if that's the case and i truly love you, Ruby. take care of yourself.
ReplyDelete-Sam Lupin
No not at all sweetie
DeleteNot one bit
I know sometimes the meaning of our words can be lost when we write them
But don't worry
You haven't offended me at all x
Hey ruby
ReplyDeleteYeay for ed free week take 2. And yeay for the interesting topic.
I definitely can't get married and have a family even if i wanted to. Working 13 hrs a day 7 days a week, i cant even keep a houseplant alive, let alone a child.
Don't even want to be in a relationship. Takes to much effort and throws your life off track when it fails. Not willing to drag myself into a such mess again.
There was a time i believed in the whole love and marriage thing, still do actually but just not for me.
Met my bf at 14 and dated for 9 years. Got engaged at 23, then he passed away in an accident 3 months later. Since then, It has been 5 years of overworking and running away from multiple attempts of arranged marriage by my very conservative family. Why do i still belive in love (with/without marriage)? Those 9 years were the best in my life.
Dear ruby...throw all the parties you want! And get gifts..celebrate life and all your accomplishments : )
Xx
Pia
Gosh that is heartbreaking Pia
DeleteI'm so sorry to read that
I don't know about you
But I am getting cynical as I get older
And don't necessarily believe in happily ever after
Although I hope I am proven wrong
He he, I was really joking about the gifts
But maybe I will throw myself a singles party......... x
Oh I would love to get married! Kids? Not so much. If they happen okay, I won't be mad, unless I get pregnant before I'm done with school and then I would cry my eyes out. I've had the marriage talk with a fee boyfriends and none really stuck. I live with my boyfriend now and if we were to be engaged it would be after graduate school when we had real jobs and could save for it. My boyfriend is actually going to be a divorce attorney, ha, but I know we would want to work it out if it came to that because I very much hate divorce and think you have to take the commitment seriously. I've also been a bridesmaid about five times now so I've seen many friends very happy and am impatient for my day. All in time. The unconditional love, safety, security, and friendship is what is so great to me. I'm only 23 though so I have time. :)
ReplyDeleteYou seem to have a very strong relationship Eve
DeleteThat is so amazing
I wish you nothing but love and light x
I was engaged once. I called it off because I knew that I was not going to have much of a future with him. It was the best decision I've ever made. Most if not all my friends got married when they were young. Again, I knew that if I married the guy who I was engaged to, I would not still be married to him and I'd probably have two kids by now and living with my parents, without him.
ReplyDeleteI feel that you need to be 100% about who you are going to marry before you marry him. I think that these days most to girls marry because they feel that it is the next step in the relationship. They rushed into it not really thinking about long-term. It scares me because I feel like they don't think about it enough before they commit to the lifelong act that is marriage. Marriage is not a game of house. It is not like they can play the role of the married life and at the end of the day it's a done game. It's a financial and emotional commitment. It is only for the mature.
I think so too Alexis
DeleteIt really is something that you don't want to rush in to
So many people jump in to it without thinking
Then there is the fallout
You are right
It is only for the mature x
I believe in the theoretical possibility of a future where I am emotional healthy to form and maintain a lifelong relationship, but it's a very small part of me that truly believes it could actually happen. I've occasionally considered buying myself a decorative band with a nice stone to wear in place of a wedding/engagement ring to symbolize my commitment to forming a healthy relationship with myself first, but I haven't followed through with it yet.
ReplyDeleteThat's a great idea Tempest
DeleteI guess that the first relationship that we have to nurture
Is the one with ourselves
That's what I am trying to do at the moment
And I love the idea of buying something to symbolize that x