I am very confused about this blog
I just don't know where it is going any more
I had a huge urge to delete it during the week
To wipe any evidence of me or my ED on the internet
To start a fresh new blog
That has nothing to do with EDs or addiction
Or any of the demons in my life
To make a clean start
Under a new name
And be anyone I want to be
It's like I forget how to write
Do I write for myself?
Or cater to my readers?
It seems that anything I can think of to write isn't relevant any more
I've also been thinking of taking a break from blogging
But I've said that before
And was back within hours
I don't know
Is there any point in screaming in to the abyss that is the internet?
Does any one really care?
We care, Ruby, we care for you.
ReplyDeleteYou can choose to do what you want.
Shape your future.
Take care and I hope you figure it all out soon <3
Love,
Christie
Ruby,
ReplyDeleteI look forward to reading your blog every day. I would hope that you continuing to write your blog and not let your current mindset take over.
Please reconsider knowing that you've actually made a very positive impact on many of us. On myself anyways.
A
yes. we care.
ReplyDeletewe always do, honey. i promise you that much.
it is your decision what you do with your blog. to be honest seeing you delete it would sadden me. your posts are always enlightening and whilst i do not comment on all of them, i do read/see all of them.
do whatever it is you want. it is your time to think about yourself. recovery sometimes means doing just that. you eliminate things you are uncertain of, until you are certain of them. i had to break a lot of bonds with a lot of friends to get to where i am now, but i don't regret any of them. i know why i did it. i was rational.
don't do anything you would regret.
thank you for being a breath of fresh air into all of our lives. if you do decide to delete it, let us know just beforehand. and if you do decide to delete it, let me tell you that having you around was a pleasure and i wish you so much luck in the future. i have no doubt that you'll do well. you did a lot of things that i never thought possible (one of being giving up on smoking - that was the kicker for me) and you deserve a good life. we all do.
i always believe in a few things:
1. everyone deserves happiness. nobody deserves pain.
2. you are your own best personal advice. imagining another person with your situation usually leads you to your answer.
3. if you don't like it, change it. if you can't change it, accept it. if you can't accept it, change the way you feel about it and you will.
<3
-Sam Lupin
Maybe it's also a bit like this because all of this is an ongoing confrontation?
ReplyDeleteYou made yourself do an ED week. I did not respond, because I wasn't as positive as all of the others. I think you are avoiding. Avoiding talking and writing of your ED, so people don't worry or won't be dissapointed. (Not that they will be, but I think, you think they will be)
And maybe because by not talking or writing you can pretend that ED does not have such a large grip on you, which it has by now. That you aren't in fact, stuck in a hole, with questions and doubts and all those hard feelings you don't know how to deal with...
I think you are in trouble.
And I hope you don't run away from here, from your blog, from this place where people like you, support you and want to help you..
I think you can use all the support there is..
(L)
ED - FREE week I meant.
ReplyDeleteWe care Ruby, no matter what you write about.
ReplyDeleteAll of us care Ruby. I would hate to not be able to get on here everyday and read about whatever you want to write about.
ReplyDeleteAs you probably recall, I tried starting a new blog, all geared towards being ED free, but that didn't work. It's got a tighter grip on us than we'd like to admit.
Try to hang in there dear. It does get easier.
XOXO
It doesn't matter what you write or for whom, I read everything because you truly have something to tell no matter what.
ReplyDeleteI care! A ton!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoy reading everything you write about, I can relate to a lot of things and it also gives me insight to things I can't relate to.
Also, you've become a friend on here and I look forward to hearing from you whether it's bad, good, ED, addiction, or just normal daily struggles. It's all interesting
Although I have had the urge to delete my blog a lot lately too, for some reason it makes me very nervous to have too much personal information on the internet where my friends could see, or worse, professors or future employers, (EEK!)
I think that's why I delete my posts often.
If you decide to delete your blog, I support whatever decision you need to make, you need to listen to yourself and whatever your mind and body is telling you in this fragile recovery state you're in.
But if you decide to stay I'd LOVE it. ; )
<3
Well let me add my name to the list of people who care, and I know it's a long list. And selfishly I sure hope you do continue to write this blog, I check in here every day, I feel like you are one of my people...even though we have never met and you live on the other side of the world. It's not often that I read the words of a virtual stranger and feel like I could have written them myself. We have so much in common and I would really miss you if you actually disappeared. But as someone who cares about you and wishes you well I want what's best for you and whatever path you choose I'm sure will be the right one. But know that your presence would be missed enormously. It's sort of ironic, because our EDs tell us we should take up as little space as possible, and in writing about yours (amongst other things) with the impact you have had on so many readers, you have ended up taking up quite a bit of space in this world. How's that for kicking your EDs ass!!
ReplyDeleteWith love, xoxoxo
Sarah
Just saw your email!! I ll reply in the evening,sry was soo busy xx
ReplyDeleteI care too Ruby.
ReplyDeleteIf you don't know where this blog is going, why not just try going with IT.
I very very very much identify with your confusion. I started a new blog but it ended up being the same anyway.
You can't remain totally seperate from something that has been your life for so long. The lessons it has taught, the agony underneath, the value, the waste... all that stuff... it still needs to be told.
xxx