Confessions of a shopoholic

It's Friday

I wake early

About 7am

I go through my usual routine

I let the dogs out

Make a cup of sweet tea

And switch on my computer

I check my blog  first

As I always do

When I have read and replied to comments

And read your blogs

I feel drawn to check out my favourite on line clothes site

Just for a sneaky peek

Immediately I find a pair of patterned leggings

A a really comfy looking grey snood

It's love at first sight

I feel a chemical reaction just looking at the photos of these clothes

It's meant to be

My wardrobe

No, my life

Would be complete if I just had these grey patterned leggings and grey snood

Just think of how complete my look would be with these items

Think of the confidence boost to walk down the street sporting these funky threads

Heads would turn

People would look at me in wonder

These could be the single most important clothes that I ever buy

A game changer

A life changer

There is no question about it

I have to have them
And I would never need to buy clothes again

I am a very stubborn and determined person

If I set my sights on something

Anything

I do everything in my power to get it

It's like I am blinkered

Tunnel vision

Nothing and no one will stand in my way

It's just a pity that I don't set my sights on more important things

Than a pair of leggings and a snood

I could work towards my education

I could tackle the purging that still blights my life

I could write a book

But no

Oh no

Instead

I shop

And I do it with all the determination of a heat seeking missile

I work out my budget for the week

I am on what they call 'Disability allowance' here

Which means that I am on a limited and fixed income

When I was a smoker

Half that money went on smokes

Now

Half that money goes on clothes

If I wanted

I could make that money go further

I could shop at some of the bigger chain shops

But no

This shopoholic has expensive taste

After all

You get what you pay for

The leggings are a ridiculous price

But somehow I justify it in my mind

They are an investment

They will last a life time

If I wear them enough

They will pay for them selves

And the snood?

Well a scarf is essential gear in the harsh Winter months

It;s not that I want it

I really do need it

I sign in to my shopping account

And quickly click the two items in to my basket

Then click to the payment section

A couple more swift movements

And they're bought

I get a feeling of immense satisfaction when I see 'Order complete' flash up on my screen

I sit back

And enjoy the feeling that possibly the most important clothes of my life are on the way

The time between ordering and getting my clothes is the most fun

The thought that a lovely plump parcel will soon be on my doorstep is enough to keep me eternally happy

I can liken this feeling to when I used drugs

When I had money in my hand

And I was on my way to get the drugs

The feeling of anticipation was intoxicating

The thought that happiness was in the post

On the way

That soon I would feel the warm fuzzy feeling of drugs or alcohol or a parcel being delivered

I crave it again and again

Constantly trying to recreate that feeling

It's fleeting

But addictive

I check my shopping account

My order is pending

I check it again and again

Waiting to see that is has been dispatched

Then I know that it is on the way

And I can relax 

Safe in the knowledge that my parcel of joy is on it's way

I am like a little kid at Christmas
The feeling is that good
I imagine wearing my new clothes
I just can't wait
But waiting is the best part
So I will enjoy it

The next few days drag by
So very slowly
My order has now been dispatched
That means it could be here any day now
Any day

Then on Tuesday my phone rings
It's a number I recognize
The delivery man for the clothes company
I pick it up after two rings
'Hello' I say
Try to be calm and collected
'Hi Ruby'
He knows me by name at this stage
'I have a package for you, are you at home?'
I confirm that I am
And he tells me he will be at my house in half an hour
I hang up
And jump up and down with excitement
It's just like my birthday

For the next half an hour
I sit on the couch beside the window
And wait
I am not a great waiter
I want things and I want them now
But I have no choice in the matter
I have to wait
So I do

I'm just beginning to lose the will to live
When I white van pulls in to my drive
I let out an excited noise
Put my shoes on
And rush to the front door
The driver approaches me with a bright orange package in his hands
It's all I can do not to reach out and grab it from him
'Sign here' he says
And I do
He hands me the package and heads off
I thank him
And hurry inside

I bring the parcel in to my living room
And set it on the floor
I admire it for a minute
Before I tear in to the packaging
And rip it open
The first item I come across is the snood
It's grey
And soft
The softest thing I've ever felt
I put it around my neck
And take a look in the mirror
It's just like I imagined
It's perfect

Then it's back to the package
I open the leggings
Very nice I must say
I quickly try them on
Still wearing the snood
And walk around my house trying them both out
Yes, these will so nicely

Because I am so impatient
I wear them both immediately
I go to the shops
I go swimming
I walk my dogs
All in my new clothes
It's heaven

But the thing is
The novelty of the new clothes does not last part the first time wearing them
The next day
I find myself with itchy feet again
My fingers feel twitchy
The high has worn off
I feel drawn back to the computer
Back to my favourite clothes site
I'll just have a sneaky peek..........