Dublin!

It's  early Saturday morning
The only reason I am up is that Lea was barking to get out
I am sleeping
And A bit grumpy
But that's only because I spent a wonderful day in Dublin yesterday with my friends
It was quite the eventful day
Let me tell you about it

I got up at seven
It was pitch dark
I made a cup of tea
Let the dogs out
Called my sister
And then set about getting ready
I put on my Dublin outfit
Straightened my hair
And put on make up as best I could at that hour of the morning
My sister made me have some breakfast
But I could barely eat it
As I had such butterflies in my tummy
Just before eight
We set off for the train station

There have been many times this week when I have thought
'What am I a doing?
Am I nuts?
I can't go to Dublin
Back to the place I used to use
I can't do it'
There have been many times when I talked myself out of going
But something in me really wanted to go
I knew it was a big deal for me
For many reason
It was really pushing me outside of my comfort zone
And we all know how much I love my comfort zone
But also
These girls
Are special
These girls will always have a place in my heart
They saw me at my worst
When I was beaten and broken
And they gave me nothing but love and encouragement
Of course I wanted to see them
Even if it meant braving my old using haunts

The train was at nine
I got there about 8 45 am
Got a cup of tea
And settle in to my seat
My friend arrived soon after
And the train pulled off

It was a 3 hour journey
Although we didn't find it as we were talking the whole time
Then something very peculiar happened
We were about half way to Dublin
When a young girl sat down on the seat beside us
I would say she was about 12
And I'm thinking she was, what we call a Traveller
Maybe you use the word gypsy?
So she sat down
And produced a box of Christmas cards
And a sponsorship sheet
She explained that she was collecting money to give to children who had no presents for Christmas
It all sounded very vague
But we let her talk
When she had finished speaking
My friend
Who I will call L, said
'I've given a lot already this Christmas so I will say no thank you'
Then the girl looked at me
I thought the whole thing sounded a bit suspect
So I asked her some questions
Who is the money for exactly?
She repeated her spiel
I wasn't convinced
So I asked what she was giving in return for the 5 Euros she was asking for
'A card' she replied
'One card?' I asked
'yes' she said
I couldn't help but laugh at this point
As it all seemed a bit ridiculous
It was then that the girl started to get very annoyed
She sat there for a minute
In utter dismay that we would not give her any money
Then she turned to L and said
'Well at least you say thanks, not like some people'
And shot me a dirty look
I continued to laugh
Mostly because I was a bit nervous and wasn't exactly sure  what was happening
The she turned to me and snapped
'What is your problem?' She demanded
I said I had no problem
She sat there for a good 2 minutes just fuming
I was in disbelief
I wasn't so much worried about her
As I was who she had with her
Where there is one Traveller there tends to be many more
Eventually the girl got up and went back to her seat
Which was just behind mine
I could hear her giving out yards about me to someone who I presumed was her mother
But there also seemed to be a gaggle of young lads with them too
I have to admit
I felt a bit uneasy
A minute later she came back
'WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?' she demanded again
But this time didn't give me time to answer
And stomped off again
By this stage other passengers were looking at us
Thank God for my friend L
Who unlike me has no problem telling someone off
She sat up straight and said of that girl came back she would tell her where to go
Thankfully soon after that
The girl seemed to forget about the incident
And didn't bother me again
Although I did worry when I was walking up the train platform and saw about 12 of them all gathered together
I just kept my head down and kept walking
I probably shouldn't have laughed at her in first place
But it just came out

Anyway
The train pulled in to Dublin at 12pm
We gathered our things
And set off for Suffolk street
Where we were meeting our other friend
Who I will call K
Walking through Dublin was harder than I thought
As we made our way through the streets
I could feel the anxiety rising
And it didn't help that I had forgotten to take my meds that morning
I went very quiet
And went right in to my head
At one point I thought I was going to have a panic attack
I just felt so over whelmed
Every where I looked
I saw addicts and junkies and alcoholics and homeless people
It was too much
I'm not sure how I calmed myself down
I didn't say anything to L about how I was feeling
As I didn't want to worry her
Soon we arrived at our destination
I was so glad to get off the streets
The place we were meeting was called Avoca
A beautiful shop and cafe
Myself and L had a browse around while we waited for K

I must give you a little back ground information
As you know
I was in treatment last year
L was already there when I arrived
She is 46
A mother of 3
And lives in the same town as me
K came in a few weeks later
She is almost 21
And lives about an hour from Dublin
They are both amazing kind and caring girls
I have so much love for them

Soon K arrived
I gave her a huge hug
It was so lovely to see her
We all chatter for a minute
Then made our way up to the cafe
It was so busy
And we were lucky to get a table
I was a bit nervous to eat
As I wasn't hungry at all
But I knew I should eat something
In the end we all ordered carrot and sage soup
Spot the ED girls!
Although L ordered skinny fries too

We had such a lovely time chatting
We talked about how we could remember treatment like it was yesterday
Conversation we had
What people were wearing
What they were doing and saying
It's like time stopped then
We talked about the carol service we went to when we were all on bed rest
The time Julia the nurse pushed mine and K's beds in to the lounge so we could watch a film in bed
All the times I feel asleep in group
The time we made red velvet cake in cooking and it exploded in the oven
So many memories
And such fond ones too

After a spot of lunch we hit the shops
I have to admit
I was very full after the big bowl of soup
But I soon forgot about it as we walked
We were heading for Temple Bar
The cool trendy part of Dublin
We were looking for a shop called Siopa Eile
Which is a consignment store for high end and designer clothes
It took us a good half hour to find it
As we weaved in and out of the cobbled streets
In the end we found it and a couple of vintage shops
Which were amazing
L found two dresses in Siopa Eile that she tried on
One was a hot pink revealing number
When she tried it on
All the shop assistants gathered around her telling her how skinny she was
And saying things like
'Oh my God I need to exercise
I need to exercise right now
I wish I look like that'
And she did look smokin' hot
So beautiful
Then she tried on a very sixties black and blue dress
Again it looked amazing
But in the end she didn't buy either

After that we went to Superdry for yours truly
I bough a navy and orange top
When I tried it on
The two girls stood at the dressing room door telling how well I look now
'Your hair
Your skin
Your eyes'
I was mortified
I really can't take a compliment

Next we headed for Henry Street
Where the girls wanted to go to the big department store to get make up
And I wanted to go to Fat Face
I know
I am so predictable
I left the girls to their make up
And I head across the road
Where I bought a blue woolly jumper to wear on Christmas day

By now it was almost 4pm
And getting dark
I decided I would try and mae the 4pm train
As I really didn't want to be in Dublin when it got dark
I met the girls again
And told them I was heading for home
Hugs and kisses
And telling each other to keep going
And we would see each other soon
Then just as I was leaving
K pulled two Christmas gifts from her bag
And gave one each to me and L
I was so touched
How kind of her
More hugs
And I left the girls
I speed walked down to the station
And made it with 2 minutes to spare

My sister picked me up
And I arrived home about 8pm
Tired but very happy
Happy that I saw my friends
And spent some time with them
Happy that I had faced my fears
And pushed through the anxiety
All in all
It was a great day

I only took a few photos
So here they are..........

Temple Bar

You can see L and K in the left of this photo

L and K

One of the vintage stored we went in to

Tired Ruby on the train on the way back