Baby Steps

As you know

I was supposed to go to a meeting yesterday with my friend

However 

Heavy snow fall on Monday night/Tuesday morning meant that I couldn't go

I was really annoyed 

As I had planned on actually going this week

So tomorrow is the day now 

I will go to the lunch time AA meeting with my friend

I guess this friend is the closest thing I have to a best friend 

I've known her for a few years now

She also has addiction and ED issues

But she is very strong in her recovery

And she has always been there for me over the years

I spoke to her on the phone yesterday for quite a while

I told her all about the situation with The Boy

She could identify with boy drama

And she doesn't judge me at all

But she thinks I should stay away from him

She makes a lot of sense

So by hook or by crook

I will get to that meeting tomorrow

I feel pumped and motivated to get back on track

I have to

Not just for myself

But for my family and my dogs

And as for The Boy

Well

That relationship has to end

Everyone keeps telling me how there are other boys out there

I hope there is

I guess it's hard to believe that anyone would like me

When I don't like myself very much

But I know the right thing to do is to stop seeing The Boy

Before anyone else gets hurt

My appetite has been suffering through all of this

But on the bright side

I haven't been purging at all

And by that I mean I have been purging 1-2 times a day

That's about as good as it gets for me right now

My relationship with my weight and body image is very changable 

Some days I look in the mirror

And I can just about tolerate what I see

Some days I cry

And try on every item of clothing in my wardrobe

And lose the will to live with every change

Sometimes I look at myself and think that I look like something approaching ok and presentable

I would love to like my body more even just a little bit

But more often than not it is the enemy 

It is one to be feared

My  and I went on a little road trip today

I bought  two tops

And some gifts for my mum

Here they are........