The Boy bites back

It was Saturday evening

I had just had s great day with my mum and sister

We climbed a mountain

Then went for dinner

And I was generally feeling really good

Happy to be alive

Grateful to be clean and sober 

Feeling content

And dare I say it, happy?

We had just come home

I sat with the dogs for a while

Plugged in my phone to charge

And settled down in front of the telly with a cup of tea

I was watching The Cube

When my phone rang

Thinking it was my friend who I had just texted

I jumped up to answer it

I looked at the screen

And to my shock and surprise

Saw it was The Boy

I stared at the phone 

Not knowing what the hell to do

My sister saw my face

And asked me what was wrong

I told her nothing

That it was a private number 

I didn't want to tell her who it really was 

And possibly worry her

Needless to say

I didn't answer it

I sat back down

Feeling shook and anxious

Then my phone pinged a message

I checked it

And it was a voice mail

I dialled 171

And listened to the message

It was him

Asking me to ring him

And also telling me that my ex boyfriend was staying with him for a while

And did I want to meet up

I hung up

And felt stunned

Seconds later my phone pinged again

A text message

Asking me to ring him 

If I wanted 'plenty of tea'

I put the phone down

And tried to process this information

I haven't heard from The Boy in quite a while

So this is really out of the blue

I actually had a physical reaction

My heart was racing

As were my thoughts

I felt shakey and unstable

And I would have killed for a smoke just for something to do

It really unsettles me to know that both The Boy and my ex boyfriend are in my area

Having poppy tea

And probably plenty more besides I'm guessing 

I really don't want to know what they are doing

What drugs are available

I would rather not know

And live in blissful ignorance

It's now Monday

Two days since he rang

I haven't texted or rang him back 

It hasn't even been an option 

I know I can't

I have too much to lose

Things are just getting back to normal after the last debacle

I think my mum would lose her mind if I used again

I don't want her to have to go through that again

We moved up here ten years ago to get away from the drug scene

Yes it was a geographical

And no that's not the answer

But it gave us a chance for a fresh start

And gave us breathing space

And time to heal

But now it seems like my old life is catching up with me

And I don't like it

I don't like it at all

So the plan is damage limitation

I haven't told my mum or my sister 

Maybe I should

But I don't want to worry them

I'm seeing Breda this morning so I will talk to her and hatch a plan

I just really don't need this right now

Things are just starting to turn around for me

Abd this is really a test

A test for my willpower

For my resolve

My will to recover

But I feel pretty sure that I won't use

At least I hope I won't