Monday, 6 July 2015

In the know

For the first few months of writing this blog
I was pretty much anonymous
But then
And I'm
Not sure why
I wanted to share more if myself
I wanted people to be able to put a face to the words
As I know I love seeing what other bloggers look like
So since then
I've been very open
Heck I have a huge photo of myself on the front of my blog
So I think it's safe to say that I am not anonymous any more

This blog has quite a big audience
And most of the people who read it are other bloggers
And people who I don't know in real life
Very few people that I know read
I know my sister reads from time to time
And my mother and brother will read if I ask them to
But as far as I know
No one else that I know reads it

I'm covering this topic today
As I was telling my doctor this morning about the Levant Tv interview
And he asked me the name of my blog
I told him that it used to be called and then she disappeared
And now it's called and then she recovered
He asked me if disappearing was an analogy for fading away
I said it was
Glad that he had got it
When I came out 
And was telling my Mum about the conversation
I suddenly felt a cold fear
And it hit me
I had just given my doctor my blog address
What the hell was I thinking?
What if he actually reads it?
My Mother joked that if he read it
He would definitely have an insight in to my head 
I mean 
I'm sure it will just go straight out of his head 
But what if some day he's at a loose end 
Looking for something to read
And my blog pops in to his head
I know I've mentioned my doctor from time to time 
And I'm sure he would recognise himself 
I'm half tempted to trawl through my blog 
And delete any posts that mention him

I would actually hate to think that people I know we're reading my blog
Because I know then I would start censoring it
And editing it
So as not to offend anyone 
Or hurt anyone 
And I don't want my blog to be censored 
Honesty is the backbone of this blog
And I would hate to have to change that

I don't know why it's easier to talk or write to people I don't know personally 
Maybe because they are not directly involved
Because they can give an objective insight
Maybe because you can't let some one down who you don't know
Maybe because you can't hurt anyone involved 
Whatever the reason 
It's easier to tell strangers 

With all that said
I was wondering about you
Do people in your real life read your blog?
Or would you prefer they didn't?
Is you blog anonymous?
If so why?
I'd love to know...

18 comments:

  1. As I'm new to blogging, only two people that I know read it. Else I'm pretty invisible on the blogging world, and am thinking to soon pulling out the plug and just say I tried this part.
    Depends. I think I would like people to read it, whether I know them or not.
    But it always depends.

    Thank you for your insight! :) I tend to be shy in mentioning that I do write and publish books, so not many people know about them. Regarding my book writing, I actually wanted to publish them under a different name, but my publisher gave me an ultimatum that I shouldn't let my life be controlled by bullies and what students think of me. He pushed me in publishing my books under my own name :)..

    Thank you! :)
    Sera :) xxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ohh, and I've never told my therapist about my blog either.

      Delete
    2. Oh you are thinking of stopping blogging?
      How come?
      I still have to check out your blog properly
      And I will get around to that

      Wow you have had books published!
      That is really cool!!
      Would you mind sharing some of the titles?
      I'd love to check them out x

      Delete
    3. I don't seem to be interesting anyone in my blogs. I'm giving it some more time, but if it doesn't work, I think I'll be stopping.

      The books I published are in Maltese (my mother language) my next one is in english.
      This is one of the books in maltese - http://www.sierra-books.com/pages/sierra

      Thank you! :) xx

      Delete
    4. I don't seem to be interesting anyone in my blogs. I'm giving it some more time, but if it doesn't work, I think I'll be stopping.

      The books I published are in Maltese (my mother language) my next one is in english.
      This is one of the books in maltese - http://www.sierra-books.com/pages/sierra

      Thank you! :) xx

      Delete
    5. I would give it a chance if I were you have been blogging for long?
      Sometimes it takes a while to get going
      But it's definitely worth it
      Oh thanks
      I will check those out x

      Delete
    6. A week or so I think. Something like that. I've always wanted to blog, only now I'm down with chicken pox, and decided to give it a try as I do have time on my hands.
      Thank you :) I will give it sometime to get going :) Thank you :)
      Sera :) xx

      Delete
  2. A few of my friends used to read my blog and one of my teachers- but now it's just my best friend. I don't really care, it's my blog so I say what I want :P I sometimes regret it but oh well~

    Love,
    Christie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Christie,

      Good to hear from you
      Are you still blogging?
      Hope you're doing ok? X

      Delete
    2. I'm doing fine at the moment, and I'm still blogging. I just tend to drift off :P I don't always comment (because I'm lazy) but I read most days.

      Love,
      Christie

      Delete
  3. Everyone needs to vent every now and then, and it helps to vent to someone unbiased. I see the blog as sort of like a therapist--somewhere I can be totally honest and without fear of judgment. Only a couple people I know in real life know about the blog, and I don't know if they even still read it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree Mich
      My blog is the one place that I've been entirely honest with over the years
      It's like my best friend
      Especially when my real life BF has let me down
      You guys have been my rock
      And I love each and every one of you x

      Delete
  4. I don't think you've ever really said anything our of order. It's all pretty normal for this kind of stuff. If your doc did read a page or two it would only confirm the truth. That you're a good person.

    Shelby

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hope so Shelby
      I would actually be mortified if he read it
      So here's hoping he won't.... X

      Delete
    2. I don't reckon he would anyway x

      Delete
  5. Hey, Rubs;
    Dinna have Blog yet, but when I make it, I'd just as soon no IRL-er was sniffing about!! I want what You have: A safe harbour in the sea of madness that is the world, (or more accurately, that be my own headspace-!) ; )
    I'd be Anons[-ISH]: I have a semi-distinctive writing style which would readily identity me to those I've IRL mailed/txtd. 'Nowt'-withstanding my over-gift for gab & all my "openness," I need a space I can talk about REAL-LIFE in a manner that (ironically) l cannot whilst IN that venue…-!!
    <3 Jils

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  6. Rubs honesty is the best policy to live in a reality, in the now. You have a clear mind knowing that there's no way to start being a trickster, which we once were and some of us still are. I know I am for once!! It indicates your total commitment to recovery, the good and bad, no way to bullshit yourself, the only thing you control is what you sharing and it seems to me you are sharing so much it takes my breath away and something I am humbled by. So please keep sharing, you are helping so many along with yourself and we're not lonely anymore in this perpetual hike of ours xxx k.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Did you know you're blog is listed as the top something eating disorder blogs for either this year or last? I think that's how my treatment centre found it and reccommended it to me. So cool though, it's crazy when you find people who relate to you like that.

    But I prefer that people I know in real life don't read mine, simply because of the darkness and honesty. I know many people can't handle that so I just prefer to be anonymous, or at the least, not have people I know in person read it.

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for leaving some love x