34 (And none the wiser.,,.)

As I type this

I am sitting in the chemist

Waiting for my prescription to be filled

My doctor was back this morning

The kids are gone back to school

The radio is back to its usual schedule

Everyone has gone back to work

So all in all

Everything is getting back to normal

Just the way I like it

I guess I don't like the summer much

Maybe I would if we actually got a summer here 

But no

Autumn is my favourite season by far

We had a birthday dinner yesterday

Which was nice

My sister made my favourite dinner

Boeuf bourguignon

Delicious!

It was a relaxed laid back affair

Followed by tea and apple tart

People have me money instead of gifts

As I am going away in a couple of weeks

My mum did get me some beautiful Cath Kidson tea cups though

And white chocolate

And talcum powder

Which I love

I collected my meds 

And headed back down to the surgery to see Breda

It was a really good session with her

One where we acknowledged the positives that are happening in my life

She noticed my glasses 

And my piercing 

And said I looked really well

Which was nice to hear 

It used to be a case that when someone told me that I looked well

I had a mild panic attack 

But now

Now I am learning to accept the compliment in the spirit in which it was intended

Who'd have thought it...

I guess my look is changing 

During my addiction and ED

What I looked like just didn't matter 

I had no interest in clothes or hair or make up or my appearance at all

It's only really in the last year that I've started experimenting with my look

I guess now I know what I like 

I know what clothes suit me 

I'm a bit better at hair and make up 

As you know 

I go for the surfer type look

Even though I've never surfed a day in my life

I still like the look

I've changed my whole wardrobe in the last year

I'm much more confident in what I wear 

And how I present myself 

Breda also noticed my piercing 

She said it was a really good look on me

She also mentioned how it's great thstbibdm asserting myself 

And doing what is right for me

This is the great thing about being that little bit older 

I'm more confident in myself 

More sure of myself

I know my likes and dislikes

What suits me 

What doesn't 

I guess I'm now doing the experimenting thstbibfidnt get a chance to do in my twenties 

And it is such good fun!

I told Breda about being discharged from Mary

She thought that was great 

The only negative is that I haven't gone back to meetings yet

And she strongly advised that I do

I know that I need to

But I'm finding it really hard to go back

I know the longer I leave it 

The harder it will be

So my goal is to get to a meeting before I go away

I have such a good feeling that this year is going to be the best yet

I'm the most well I've been in years

And I plan to make the most of my health and well being 

As I said to Breda this morning

It has been a team effort to get this far

My family 

Friends 

Mary 

My doctor 

Breda

My psychiatrist 

You my fellow bloggers

Have all played an integral role in my getting well

I couldn't have done it without each and every one of you

If I could say one thing 

To all of you that are suffering right now

Please

Please 

Please

Don't leave it as long as I did to get well

I know a lot of you are in your early twenties 

Some even younger than that 

My own twenties were a right off

And when I was in the midst of my illness

I couldn't see a way out

Weight gain was a huge barrier

I resisted it so much 

I couldn't see any benefit to it

I was willing to risk my health

My happiness 

And my sanity

Just to stay thin

I can't lie 

Weight restoration is not fun

The discomfort

Clothes getting tighter

Bloating 

Feeling fat and greedy

But slowly but surely 

I began to see the benefits of weight restoration

My General health drastically improved

I no longer felt dizzy 

Weak

Exhausted 

It was like a fog lifted

Suddenly I could see more clearly

Think more clearly 

And also I got to buy all new clothes

To replace the teeny tiny clothes I used to wear 

My mood also improved 

I felt more positive and content in myself 

I know when you are in the throes of our illness 

Recovery seems like something that happens to others 

A foreign concept 

But if we could just make that leap of faith

I promise you that you will get back ten fold what you put in

I remember when I was getting clean from drugs

I decided to give myself six months

And really throw myself in to recovery

If after those six months I didn't like it 

I could always go back to my ED

It would always be there 

My recovery might not be

I guess the sane principle can be used with an ED 

We have nothing to lose 

Anyway 

Below are a couple of photos 

Me and my pyjamas this morning 

A couple of the cards I got

And the cups my Mother gave me

M