Day Off

I'm taking a day off today

As in not venturing out in to the city 

And retiring to the hotels roof top terrace 

To read and catch up on sleep

And generally do very little

The past few days have been so busy

I just need a day to catch up on myself

So I will be refreshed for the rest of the holiday 

I told my family they I was taking a day off

They expressed concern

That I would overtake my meds

And possibly OD

My sister actually used the word overdose

They said it was not like being at home

They it would be a huge deal if I got ill here

Or something happened with my meds 

There have been days when I took no meds this week

In an effort to stay awake 

And keep up with my family

So today I have more meds left than I need

This morning I decided to take one days methadone as normal

And two days tablets 

Not too much

But just enough to make me slightly sleepy

I know what you are thinking

I am in one of the most exciting cities in the world 

I shouldn't want to miss a thing

But I think it's fair enough to give myself one day off 

Isn't it?

Another thing about Turkey

Everybody smokes 

And I mean everybody 

Old 

Young 

Men 

Women

All religions 

All nationalities 

Even children 

I swear I saw a group of eight or nine year old kids all with cigarettes in their hands

Puffing away 

So I'm guessing that cigarettes are very cheap here

And also it just seems to be part of the culture

It's just what people do

It's the done thing 

But honestly

I haven't had a smoke craving yet

Like the ones I've had here 

I've literally been gasping for a cigarette

Even dreaming about the damn things

It just looks so relaxing

Having a smoke with a tea or coffee

Having one after a meal 

With a drink at night 

It just looks so tempting

But so far

I have resisted 

It seems that my second year smoke free is proving more difficult than the first

I guess during the first year

I was full of motivation and gusto

And now 

Well it's just becoming like hard work

Anyway 

The cravings go as quickly as they come 

I just need to ride it out

As I said in previous posts

The poverty of this country is very in your face

I went out for five minutes this morning

And was accosted no less than four times in those few minutes

Twice by children

And twice by girls

My sister and I were sitting having a quick coffee 

They come straight up to you with their hands out 

Literally begging

It's really difficult

Because part of you wants to give them something to help

But another part of you knows that If you do give them something 

They will see begging as a source of income 

And continue to do it

As wel as using their children

Which is blatant exploitation

I know when I was living in Dublin

There were a lot of homeless people on the streets

I knew if I gave money 

The majority would use it on drugs no or drugs 

So I used to give them food

At least then you know what you are giving 

Both parties win

I love being in a city

I love the hustle and bustle

The constant noise

And this city doesn't seem to sleep at all 

I live in the country

So this is a complete change of pace for me

But I love the extremes 

The silence to the noise 

It reminds me that there is a whole world beyond my four walls

A whole host of countries and cities who are as different as they are similar 

It also reminds me that I am but a mere speck on the canvas they is this earth

This life

I am not that important 

I'm just another person

Another body 

Trying to figure out this thing we call life 

And it reminds me that I am very lucky

To live in a county where men and women are treated equally

Most of the time 

A country where I can get a good education for next to nothing 

Where I can be free to be me 

Whoever that is

Gay 

Straight

Bisexual

Trans 

I have the freedom to do and say what I like 

When I like 

Where I have the comfort of being part of the middle class

Most of my problems are first world ones

And ones that can be solved 

I know I am blessed

In so many ways