N is for Night time!

N was another tricky customer

I was going to go with numb

But then decided on night time 

As I think I can write more about that 

Up until a few years ago

I was most definitely a night person

During my drug using days 

I would typically get up in the evening 

Stay up all night 

And go to bed in the morning 

It wasn't unusual not to see daylight for weeks on end 

When I first started using drugs 

I associated them with night time 

It was some thing you did at night 

At the weekend 

Even when I first started taking heroin

I still associated it with night 

I remember the first time I saw someone using heroin first thing in the morning 

It had never occurred to me to do that 

But it seemed like a good idea

So I started using in the morning too

This is how an addict is made 

My drug use began to bleed in to the day time 

The weekend began to get longer and longer 

Until my drug use became an every day thing 

But

As with everything 

You take the bad with the good

And with heroin 

Comes a physical addiction

It's a cat and mouse game to stay one step ahead of sickness

And I was always playing catch up

And can remember nights when I had no drugs 

And no money to get drugs 

Those nights were sheer torture 

As I've said before 

I was a greedy addict 

And whatever I had 

I took there and then

Leaving nothing for the following day or days 

Withdrawal is a horrific thing 

You will start to withdraw about 24 hours after your last usage 

It starts off quite mild 

Your eyes will begin to stream

Your nose will run 

You will yawn continuously 

Then your muscles will begin to get sore 

A dull ache in your bones that saps the energy right out of you 

By now you will take to the bed

As you won't be able to do anything other than lie down and wait it out 

You will sweat profusely 

Alternating between hot and cold

The sheets of your bed will be damp with the sweat 

What ever way you lie 

You can't get comfortable 

And even though you are mentally and physically wrecked 

Sleep eludes you 

Then comes the stomach cramps 

The vomiting 

The diarrhoea 

As the last remnants of the drug leaves your body 

You are now in full blown withdrawal

You are climbing the walls 

Hallucinating with fever 

It feels like your body is trying to turn inside out 

If only you had the drug 

One smoke 

One turn on

Could put an end to all of this 

The night is endless 

And everything seems worse at night 

You are lonely 

So alone 

It seems like you are the only one in the whole world who is awake 

The nightmare goes on 

Until you find someone you can borrow money off 

Or you manage to drag yourself out of bed to find money somehow 

And when you finally get the drug

The feeling of the sickness draining out of your body is the best feeling ever

You immediately stop sweating 

The ache in your bones vanishes 

The mental torture subsides 

All is well 

Until the next time 

Over the years 

I have turned from a night owl 

In to a morning bird 

Nowadays 

I don't stay up past midnight 

And I am up between 7am and 8am every morning 

I like to go out and do my bits and pieces in the morning 

There is something lovely about that time of the day 

When there are only a few people around 

When it's still and quiet

And the world hasn't quite woken up yet 

When the surfers 

Dog walkers 

And runners are all about 

It's a magical time of the day

Night time can be magical too

But I just don't have energy or the inclination to be a night owl any more 

Which are you

A night owl

Or a morning bird?