W is for weight!

Another ED related post

But there aren't a whole lot of words beginning with W

So weight it is

And it is topical 

Given my last post

First

I want to thank you all for your valued feed back on my last post

I know you all have my best interests at heart

And I really appreciate that

I've decided not to go ahead with the media company

It just didn't feel right

It almost felt like the photos I provided weren't shocking enough

And that is really sad

I could go ahead and share the ones of me in my underwear 

But they are so very personal

I just don't feel at all comfortable with it

You all made some really good points about the story they wanted to run

Emaciated girl gets healthy is a popular theme 

The before and after 

The shocking and the victory 

From illness to recovery 

That story has been told a million times

What about the majority of sufferers who are not underweight?

And who have never been physically compromised

That story is almost never told

Because it's not sensational

There are no emaciated bodies

No pointy bones 

Or sharp angles 

The story of say the girl with bulimia

Who is a healthy weight 

Just doesn't capture the attention of an audience 

But as you wrote yesterday 

It's that story that needs to be told

So people are aware that EDs come in all shapes and sizes

Not just super skinny

I have stopped weighing myself 

My scales broke 

And I was weighing in my doctors surgery on a Monday

But I've stopped doing that now

Why?

Because it doesn't matter 

The number does not matter 

All I'm concerned about 

Is that I feel good

I feel strong 

I feel capable and able

My clothes fit

My hair and nails and skin are healthy

Unless I drastically lose or put on weight

I am not going to worry about it 

And you know what?

It is the best feeling in the world 

Letting go of that pressure and control

I feel like a weight has been lifted off me

Now I have so much to stay healthy for

So much to live for

I am no longer Ruby the anorectic/bulimic/addict

I am in recovery 

I am a work in progress

I am letting go of the ties that bound me

Drugs 

Alcohol

Cigarettes 

Unhealthy food habits

I was at a meeting yesterday

And after it

Someone came up to me

And said that it was really good listening to me

That made my day

Because now I feel I have something to offer the world 

I feel I can help others 

Be a good person 

And spread a message of hope

Because there is hope

There is always hope 

I feel so blessed for what I have in my life 

My family 

My dogs 

My friends 

I have such good and strong people around me 

I know I am more fortunate than most 

If you do one thing today

I urge you to recognise the good things in your life 

The people 

The pets 

The family and friends 

As ED sufferers 

We are so hard on ourselves 

It's time we have ourselves a break

And look to the positives in our lives

Weight has absolutely no correlation to happiness 

If it did 

Then I would have been deliriously happy at my lowest weight 

I wasn't 

Happiness is not a number

It's a state of mind