If someone patted you on the stomach
And told you that 'you've really filled out'
And when told that you are recovering from an eating disorder
Jiggles your arm
And continues to point out weight gain
Yes
This happened to me today
Thankfully I had some good friends around me
Who gently pointed out to this person
That I used to be at deaths door
I was in shock at the time
I couldn't quite believe this person put her hands on me
And jiggled my arm!!
I mean who does that?
I must point out
That this happened at a meeting
Where everyone is not well
But I think this person was way out of line
Said person then asked me for a lift home!
Which I obliged
Because I am a nice person
But really I wanted to throttle her
I couldn't even bring myself to make polite conversation on the way home
Now I am home
I realise that I was in shock while she was pointing out my flabby bits
I literally couldn't say anything
One of my friends pulled me aside afterwards
To make sure I was ok
But Jesus H Christ
Since when is it ok body shame a person like that?
I don't know
I despair
I went on an instant diet
That lasted ten minutes
I know better than to let a comment like that get the better of me
Interestingly
This woman also commented to another lady that she had lost weight
So who knows
Maybe this woman has her own issues with her weight
You never know....
I was wondering about you
Has this or something similar ever happened to you?
How did you react?
Do you think it's body shaming?
Answers on a postcard please...
This happens to me alllll the time, and be main culprit is my husband!
ReplyDeleteI don't think it's ok, and I always tell him that it bothers me. But in his defense, he is not so sensitive to that sort of thing and he must also think it's sort of cute? He doesn't criticize me, but he'll touch my pudgier bits where I've gained since we first met and gently tease me about it. I hate it, but at the end of the day I know he means well and SUPER sensitive in that regard.
I don't really have advice for how to deal with it with a stranger or acquaintance other than being direct and saying, "I'd prefer if you don't make comments about my body or touch me."
People can be so thick in the head... Ugh!!
It's definitely not ok
DeleteI agree
I really don't know in what planet she thought it was ok to do that
The bloody cheek of her!
I swear I came home
And felt like me a right big lump
Thankfully I had friends with me who jumped to my defence
But hell
That is not ok
Not one little bit
Hope you're well Hun
Lovely to hear from you! X
Some people really need to learn to shut up.
ReplyDeleteI know a lot of women who make comments like that when they're feeling badly about their own bodies. I even had a friend at one time who was always quick to point out where I needed to lose weight when she was feeling bad about her own weight gain. There is a good chance that lady made those comments to you out of jealousy. Girls are mean.
xo
You could be right Mich
DeleteI still don't know if this woman was trying to give me a compliment
Or was just making an observation
I guess I had the opportunity to say it to get in the car
But I was literally gobsmacked
Every time I think of it
I can't quite believe it happened!! X
As stupid as it can be, the women of the WWE really helped with my recovery as far as body image. Sure most of them have fake boobs, but none of them are twigs. They're all fit and toned, and that's what I'd like to be. I'd much rather look like I could beat someone up than look like a chemo patient. You can't swing your battle axe if you're too skinny and frail to pick it up.
Deletei could write sonnets about the amount of times people have done this to me. here, it's made to be something that you should just shrug off and accept as just "tough love."
ReplyDeleteit is uncalled for but i just try to do as i can about it - shrug it off. and oi, i've had people touch over my pudgy bits - my arms, my arse, my lower stomach, my thighs. everything really. more than i could count and say i should consider tightening that bit up with a bit of strength training. one even suggested plastic surgery??
come on, son.
unfortunately, the only thing i could do is smile. i try to maintain the image that i don't care at all about my own appearance in front of others. but i've surely had a lot of people telling me that i could do with losing a few pounds. some suggested a few stone. in the same moment, someone else would tell me that i looked like i was about to kneel over and die from starvation. i've literally had these comments sometimes literally a minute apart.
i remember one of my biggest moments of humiliation was when i was in school. i believe i was 14-15 by then and one of my teachers was like, "thankfully, nobody has a weight problem in this class... except for /Percy/." all of a sudden, everyone in that class suddenly turned to stare at me like i was 50 bloody stone. i've had a lot of weight-related humiliations but for me, this one took the cake.
i'm sorry this happened to you. it's highly uncalled for and i'm not even sure what she's referred to by your "pudgy bits." as far as i could see, you've always been on the slim side, Ruby. i mean to say this with love, hopefully it doesn't come off as enabling in any way. i just say this because our perceptions of ourselves is so warped.
i love you, Ruby. don't let this comment get to you. you're too special for that!
also, i've read the comment you've left on your other post. thank you so much for replying to these comments, and i absolutely adore your explanation of how Honey and Lea got their names. give my love to them x
-Sam Lupin
What is wrong with people Sam?
DeleteSince when is it ok to body Shane someone let me this?
Apart from being out of order
It's just plain rude to poke at someone like that
And point out that you have gained weight
I am self conscious enough without everyone pointing out my not so toned areas
At least we know better than to doing that
Some people just don't think
Oh I'm glad you saw the reply
And I will of course give them your love
That's what I love about you Sam
You are 100% genuine
Something that can be rare to find these days
Thank you x
Really interested to read this. Thank you for posting it! And don't, don't, don't dwell on it.
ReplyDeleteI didn't realise it happened so much.
Yes, one of my dearest friends, whom I most respect, put her hand on my stomach at Christmas and commented on the size of it. She is elderly, and I thought that accounted for it. It was not the only difficult thing that happened. I love this person dearly, and she did not understand, and did not mean the slightest harm. To her, she wasn't doing anything wrong.
I didn't react well, and I regret it hugely. I treasure this person, and I HATE the fact that my history of wound-up-ness about food &c makes me so sensitive about these things. In reality, that friendship is worth a thousand times more to me than my body, comments on my body, what I eat, or anything like that. It's my reaction, both inward and outward, that I regret. I don't know if she knows how I love her, and it saddens me deeply that I may well never see her again - as she is elderly.
Life's too short to worry about body and food. Friends mean the world. Sounds like you did a much better job at moderating your outward reaction than I did.
I'm really trying not to dwell on it
DeleteAnd not let it get to me
But as you know
It's hard
And it's even harder not to react
I immediately planned to lose weight and tone up
And generally punish myself for being so fat that someone could jiggle my arm
But you know what?
You're right
It's not important
As my friend said to me today
What matters is that I am well
Better off having a wobbly belly
Than an emaciated one x
We all have wobbly bits, if we're healthy. But like you said, it's not important. Seriously, who gives a crap? No one who matters. My last serious boyfriend actually liked my wobbly bits...
DeleteOhmygosh, I am absolutely appalled and disgusted that someone would do that to you. It's so wrong on so many levels, whether you were recovering from an eating disorder or not. Please, please I beg you, do not let it get to you, do not let it trigger a relapse, you are far better than that. Keep fighting for your life, you're doing so well. xxxxxxxxxxxx
ReplyDeleteThank God I'm in a good place Annie
DeleteAnd I'm able to hear the insult
But not take it to heart
I have too much to lose now
And I'm not willing to throw my recovery away for a pass remarkable woman
Thanks Annir x
Thank God I'm in a good place Annie
DeleteAnd I'm able to hear the insult
But not take it to heart
I have too much to lose now
And I'm not willing to throw my recovery away for a pass remarkable woman
Thanks Annir x
after many years I'm not surprised by this at all even kind people are stupid, just put it behind you and realise they won't give it a thought just making conversation,they just don't get why you wouldn't be pleased your better! besides you haven't put on much anyway and studies say no one notices the first ten pounds except you and closest family. how did work go more importantly?xxx jo
ReplyDeleteYes!
DeleteI just realised that I never write about work
I was in for a few hours this morning and got on grand
Tomorrow all the guests arrive
So it will be go go from now on
Super excited
And slightly nervous
I am just going to give it my best
That's all I can do
How are you Jo? X
Argh!!! I'm not sure how I would have reacted. How insensitive of her!
ReplyDeleteSeveral years ago I had something similar happen to me. I was visiting my parents for a holiday. My dad and I went out for a walk down the street and just out of the blue he reached over and pinched my arm and told me I looked like I was gaining weight, and I'd better not gain too much. I was a mixture of horrified and pissed off. I honestly don't remember what I said, or even IF I said anything back to him. It was pretty triggering though, I do remember that. My dad knew my history with anorexia, and as far as he was concerned I was "over it". *sigh*
I know it's difficult to do, but please don't take her words/actions to heart. You look great, you feel great, you have beautifully healthy hair and nails....and you are living your life to the fullest with horse riding and your new job. None of that is worth sacrificing.
OH and one more thing....hello physical boundaries!! Even if I had no body image issues, I would not be okay with someone reaching out and touching my belly like that. Yikes.
ReplyDeleteI guess people are totally unaware that this kind of behaviour in unacceptable
DeleteWhatever about telling someone they look well
That's fine
But don't talk about gaining or losing weight
Interestingly this woman also commented that another lady had lost weight so maybe she has her own issues
Who knows?
But yes
Don't invade my personal space either
And definitely don't jiggle my arms
How rude is that? X
Moron alert!!!!!
ReplyDeletePeople are always commenting stuff like that to me.
They're probably disappointed I'm no longer a doormat/mouse and would secretly prefer i was anorexic.
Actually i know some who would. They preferred me down and out because it made them feel better about themselves.
Don't let it be a trigger to you.
At least you aren't a stupid clueless loudmouth.
Shelby xoxo
Oh and another thing.....
ReplyDeleteI'm much sexier these days.
I used to be a twig in a jumper all year round but now I wear leggings and wear all my curves loud and proud (though i don't wear anything short or boob exposing) and it drives the bitches nuts.
I'm a lot more visible and attractive these days.
I'll be you are too.
Xoxo shelby
I feel exactly the same Shelby
DeleteThe underweight heroin chic look is not a good look
On anyone
I am just starting to accept my curves
My thighs
My boobs
My bum
I feel like a woman now
Not a little girl
Thankfully
I am in a good place
And I can shake this comment off
I'm actually sorry that I didn't say anything to this woman
Just so she's knows what's what
Anyway
I will move on
And continue to rock my curves!
Hell yea!!!
Thanks Shelby x
I love that you said, "I have too much to lose now" (as in if you were to go back into an ED). That was a phrase that really helped sustain my recovery when I thought I could slip.
ReplyDelete