Thursday

Yesterday was a long day

I went horse riding in the morning 

Which as always was brilliant

We are now concentrating on our technique 

Our position 

Our leg position

It was all a bit confusing if I am honest 

But I am just trying to concentrate on one thing at a time 

And hopefully it will all come together in the end 

Star was in great form yesterday 

And was truly a joy to ride 

Even if he does spend quite a lot of time trying to bite me 

He lives up to his name every week

He is a star

We also did some cantering 

Which is exhilarating 

Every time I do it 

I get butterflies in my tummy 

But then it is just pure enjoyment and fun 

It's a buzz 

The kind I used to get off narcotics 

It's amazing to have found a natural high 

So bloody amazing 

After riding 

We had a quick cuppa 

Before heading off

As i had to work at 4pm

I get a lift to riding with Fintan every week 

He picks me up in town at 10am 

And we head out 

We always stop in the village 

To buy carrots for the horses

And a bit of chocolate for a bit of energy 

Myself and Fintan have become great friends 

And we have discovered that we have an awful in common 

Not just the horse riding 

Fintan is what they call a para rider 

As he has a condition that effects his muscles 

I really enjoy his company every week

And we always have a good laugh 

Sometimes we have serious conversations too

But whatever the topic 

We always enjoy it 

We keep in contact during the week too

In fact I am just off the phone from him

He is about 15 years older than me

So I get to see the benefit of his experience 

Which is great 

Especially where the riding is concerned 

It also has shown me what true friendship looks like 

And Fintan is fast becoming a very good friend 

In fact I have made a few new friends recently 

At work too

And slowly but surely 

I am letting go of people who have thrown me the scraps of friendship 

And expected me to be grateful for the fumes of friendship

I made the mistake of depending on one person 

And when that person inevitably lets me down 

I have nothing 

There is one particular girl 

Who blows hot and cold 

And often lets me down 

Now I can see that I don't have to put up with that shit 

I deserve better 

I am a good friend 

Loyal 

If you are my friend 

Then I look out for you 

I have your back 

I'll be there to laugh with you through the good times 

And let you cry on my shoulder through the tough times 

But treat me badly 

And I don't stick around 

You won't see me for dust

Anyway 

After riding 

I went to my favourite shop 

To stock up on dog food 

Before heading home 

I was home just after 2pm 

And had to work at 4pm

I forced myself to eat something 

As if my brain is not fed properly 

It just won't function

And I generally feel all over the place 

So I had some tea and toast 

Another little issue im having is my Meds 

If I am working 

I usually don't then until I get home

But yesterday for example 

On the way home from riding 

I was yawning non stop 

And my eyes were streaming 

The first symptoms of opiate withdrawal 

So I took my methadone when I got home 

And waited to take my Meds until I got home from work 

But it flags a problem 

In that I do need to sort out the way I take them 

So I guess I will talk to my doctor next week 

So yea 

Life is good 

And my faith in the human race was restored yesterday 

When I was in the super market 

And when my items were scanned. I realised that I didn't have my wallet with me 

In a fluster 

I apologised to the check out guy 

And said that I would have to leave it 

I was walking away 

When someone called me back 

The man behind me in the queue paid for my shopping!

How nice was that?

I thanked him

And was really blown away

It was only a few euros 

But the gesture was huge 

So today 

I did my good deed 

And picked up an old man who was walking in to the village in the pouring rain 

And it felt good to pay it forward 

Apart from that 

All is well 

I'm working

I'm also working on my recovery 

I'm getting out there 

Socialising 

Mixing with people 

I'm getting out of the house 

And out of my own sick head 

I'm doing my best to be a good person 

And every day I ask for help to not hurt myself or anyone else

God knows things were sour for long enough

But that just makes the good times that bit sweeter 

So 

That's me over and out for today 

I will love you and leave you 

And see you on the next post 

I must post some photos too

As I haven't done that in a while

See you soon....