Saturday

I usually work Saturdays 

But 

Work is quiet so I have another day off

This is both a good and a bad thing 

Bad in that I don't get paid 

Meaning that this week I have only worked a total of eight hours

But good in that I get to do fun stuff

Like sleep in 

Watch TV 

And blog and generally relax

So that's what I'm doing today

There are a lot of things about work I would love to blog about 

But I don't feel right writing about them

And posting it on the Internet 

So I will just keep things general

Last week 

And the week before 

I picked up extra hours 

As one of the girls was unwell

I was grateful to have the extra hours and pay 

But towards the end of the week

I kind of felt like I was being tAken for granted 

The sick girl was supposed to come back to work Thursday morning 

But I got a text at midnight on Wednesday from her 

Asking me to do her shift 

I was pretty annoyed about being asked at such short notice 

But 

I thought there was no one to go in to do the shift 

So I agreed to do it

I got up at 7am the next morning 

To be in work for 8 am

I was not a happy camper to say the least 

I thought I was on my own to do breakfast 

So you can imagine my surprise when one of the other ladies who works there walked in the door 

She was just as surprised to see me

Then the girl who had been poorly turned up too 

I was pretty annoyed 

Although I didn't show it 

Needless to say 

I left them to it 

And headed home

Later on that day 

I got a call from Georgina 

She apologised about the morning 

And said that this girl should never have asked me to work 

Without going through Georgina first 

She had a stern talk with her 

I then got a flurry of texts from the girl 

Apologising 

And trying to make things right

Of course I won't hold a grudge 

And apart from my feeling a little bit used 

No harm was done 

So we will build a bridge and get over it 

In other news 

Following my last post 

A few of you were adamant 

That I should not weigh myself on Monday

Just to remind you 

I have been feeling very fat and cumbersome

And had planned to get my doctor to weigh me on Monday morning 

I just feel like there is so much of me 

Sometimes it bothers me 

But most of the time I can rationalise that I am not obese 

And am in fact a healthy weight 

But recently 

I am finding it hard to appease myself 

I know there are other ways to keep an eye on my weight

Like how my clothes fit 

They fit perfectly 

In all honesty 

I feel no difference there 

But then I look in the mirror 

And I estimate by looking at myself 

They I am  size 14-16

Even though my clothes are size 8-10

And as well as that 

I hate that it still matters to me what I weigh 

Up until now 

I have been going by how I feel 

And not how I look 

I feel pretty good 

So who cares what I weigh?

Well

Me apparently 

I bloody care 

Or at least the ED part of me cares

But really and truly 

Weight should be the last thing on my mind 

And most of the time it is 

But just in the last week 

Having so much time off 

Has me looking for trouble 

This is why being busy is good for me people 

It keeps my mind distracted 

And I don't have time to think about things like weight or drugs 

But look

Hopefully this is just a temporary thing 

And I will move past it 

I am undecided whether to weigh on Monday or not

I guess one of two things could happen 

I could be relieved and reassured 

Or I could be horrified and repulsed 

But really 

I shouldn't let those numbers get to me so much 

However 

I will think about it 

And as ever 

I will keep you posted 

There is a girl at work 

And she has taken it upon herself to set me up with a guy 

She herself is all loved up 

So I guess she wants me to be too

She spoke about a few possibilities 

Even the chef at work 

But another girl that works there has a little crush on him

So I couldn't really do that to her

She could very well hunt me down and kill me in my sleep

But to be honest with you 

I do think the chef is a really nice and good guy 

When I first met him 

I didn't feel any attraction at all

But as I got to know him

And saw what a really sound guy he is 

He became more attractive to me 

Now 

The thing is 

I am not sure if I am mistaking friendship for something more 

I mean 

We get on great 

And he knows some of my history 

And didn't run in the opposite direction when I told him

He's just a very kind, caring and considerate guy 

I like him 

I'm just not sure if I like him like him

Am I making any sense here at all?

Watch this space I guess 

So 

All in all 

Things are going well 

I'm happy in work 

Happy with my friends 

Happy with my hobbies which keep me sane 

Happy at horse riding 

Happy in my recovery 

It's only been a few months 

But my life has changed drastically 

It's unrecognisable to what it was 

And I am so very grateful for that 

Also to have this community 

You all have been there for the past four and a half years 

Laughed and cried with me 

And always there by my side 

I am eternally grateful for that 

I will never forget you 

Thank you 

To each and every one of you 

From the bottom of my heart