Week 2

It seems since starting my course 

That I'm only posting once a week

I'm just so very tired during the week

That when I get home 

I don't have the energy to do anything 

But anyway 

I made it through week 2

Which I must admit 

Was a lot tougher than week 1

The other new girl who started with me hasn't come back 

She was offered a job 

So I guess she took that 

I think I already mentioned 

That we spend three days in the classroom 

Two days of doing our portfolios 

And one day of horsemanship theory 

Then we spend two days in the stables 

It's one extreme to another 

The classroom is laid back 

No pressure 

And the stables is hard physical work 

It's go go go

So 

On a Thursday we get a bus out to the stables 

And gather in the classroom to go over some stuff 

Our tutors name is Grainne 

And she is one hardy buck 

She pulls no punches 

And takes no shit 

Truth be told 

I'm just a little bit afraid of her 

Our other tutors name is Joanna

And I swear 

Only for her 

I don't think I would have got through this week

Where as Grainne is tough and hard on us 

Joanna is kind and super encouraging 

It's a kind of good cop, bad cop I guess 

After the classroom 

We head to the stables to muck out 

We find a wheel barrow 

A pitch fork and a brush 

And literally clean all the droppings and old hay and anything that's damp or wet 

Let me tell you 

It's not easy 

Once your barrow is full

You wheel it around to the dung heap 

But even wheeling it is hard work 

And boy do I struggle 

Then 

You go to the very edge of the heap 

And tip the barrow over 

Emptying the contents over 

This also is not easy 

Having done that 

You go back to where the saw dust is 

Fill your barrow 

Wheel it back to the stable

And tip it in for new bedding 

Then you brush it out 

And job done 

This week I've mostly been cleaning out Blue 

A real pet 

Once you have mucked out 

And presuming that you have any energy left 

You are assigned a horse 

And it's time to groom and tack him up 

So 

I get a grooming kit 

Put a head collar on the horse 

And tie him up 

I brush him down 

And pick out the dirt in his hooves 

I actually enjoy this part 

As you feel a connection with the horse 

I talk to them 

And it's just very enjoyable 

Grooming done 

It's time to tack him up

I get Blues bridal and his saddle 

The bridal goes on first 

Then the saddle 

It's actually the equipment that I have been really struggling with 

I look at a bridal 

And all I see is a pile of leather straps and buckles 

It makes no sense to me at all

This is where Joanna is a great help 

As well as being very nice 

She is also a great teacher 

With endless patience 

So 

I get the bridal on 

And the saddle 

Before I know it 

It's time for our first lesson 

On Thursday 

There were five of us in the lesson

I lead Blue in 

Adjust my stirrups and my girth 

I'm looking for the block to mount Blue 

But one of the girls encourages me to mount him without it 

I'm doubtful I can do it 

But I try 

And I do it!!

I feel so happy that I actually did it!

The lessons here are much different to the horse therapy I was doing 

I'm these lessons we get no breaks 

It's straight in to a trot 

And it's action stations for the whole hour 

Circles 

Little jumps 

Jumping position 

It's tough going 

You would think that sitting on a horse is easy peasy 

But make no mistake 

It's is a workout riding a horse 

Your legs 

You arms 

Your core 

They are all engaged and working hard

My buddy Blue is quite lazy 

He cuts corners 

Although that's my fault for letting him

He is a devil to get going 

And when he comes to a jump he stops dead and literally steps over it

But I still love him 

He looked after me well

After our first lesson 

We intact the horses 

Groom them again 

And put their rugs on 

The Grainne brought us in to the tack room 

And we had to take apart 

And put back together a bridal 

Boy did I struggle 

But with help I got it done 

I was totally confused though 

I know I wouldn't be able to go that again 

After that 

It was lunch time 

Do we headed upstairs to relax for a hour 

Last week 

I bought a thermos flask 

So I can have hot tea all day 

What a great buy it was 

During lunch I began to struggle 

Our group in small 

But there are some really big personalities 

And I really don't feel like I am fitting in 

I feel like I am an outsider 

And yes 

I know I'm still very new 

And these people all know each other a lot longer 

I have really made an effort to talk to them 

But during lunch on Thursday 

I felt so left out 

That I could feel tears stinging my eyes 

I texted my Mam

And she texted me back such a lovely text that I had to fight back the tears 

I just wanted to go home 

And the day felt endless 

After lunch 

We groomed and tacked the horses again 

And had our second lesson 

Holy shit did I struggle 

I literally had no puff left in me 

Everything hurt 

And Blue was hard work bless him

There were time when I thought I was going to have to stop 

But I pushed through 

And got through the lesson 

Then we untracked the horses 

And gave them a quick groom 

I swear I was so glad to see the end of that day 

I got the bus home 

Stinking of horse shit 

I got home 

And I was in serious agony from all my exertions 

My legs were seriously sore 

I lay on the couch with a hot water bottle trying to get comfortable 

And went to bed early 

Yesterday

I have to admit I was dreading the day 

I got in to town early 

And was so very tempted to ring in sick

I just couldn't face another day of hard work and feeling left out of the group 

But I figured that I only had a half day 

And I would probably regret it if I didn't go in

We arrived to the stables 

Gathered in the classroom 

And Grainne had a test waiting for us 

I actually surprised myself with how much I had learned in the past two weeks 

And I didn't do half bad

Then it was time to muck out 

Groom 

And tack 

I was assigned a different horse today 

A beautiful boy called Arrow

Who was a it bigger than Blue 

I felt a bit more comfortable and confident with the tack today 

I'm slowly but surely getting the hang of it 

We headed in to the arena 

And again 

I managed to mount Arrow without the block 

I can't tell you how good it feels to do that 

I felt like a proper horse rider 

Straight away 

Arrow felt quicker 

And more forward than Blue

He felt great though 

When it was my turn to trot on my own 

I obviously gave Arrow too much of a kick 

And he shot off in to a canter 

I loved it!

It was a real buzz

But I guess I learned that I don't need to be so hard kicking him on

Again though 

I struggled to get through the lesson 

And felt so exhausted 

But 

It eventually came to an end 

I untacked Arrow 

And gave him another quick groom 

And put his rug on 

Then we practised doing tail bandages on the horses tail 

Which you do when the horse is travelling 

Then 

Before I knew it 

It was lunch time 

And the day was over 

I can't tell you how relieved I was to finish this week 

I also have Monday off 

So I have an extra day to recharge my batteries 

We got the bus back in to town 

And I met my Mam 

Before heading home 

I was literally sweating bullets 

So the first thing I did when I got home was have a hot shower 

To wash off what was a really tough week 

Then I had to go to the doctor and collect my meds 

I must admit 

This week I really had to ask myself the question 

Is this for me?

Am I enjoying this?

And what are my options after the course?

I'm 35 

Am I starting off too late?

Am I doing the wrong thing?

I spoke to my Mam

And she made the point that I lost a lot of years to addiction and my ED

I have had to work my ass off to get t the point where most people start off

And also the physicality of the work is kicking my ass

My body is still recovering 

And I'm not as strong as the others 

Also

I know that I am losing weight 

I can feel it 

And it's not they I'm trying 

It's that I am going do much hard work 

So I know I need to be careful 

As if I continue to lose weight 

I'll never be able to do this course 

But look 

I had a tough couple of days 

An the fact that I don't feel part of the group is getting to me 

However 

I'm not giving up just yet 

I will give the course a proper go

I am giving it my best though 

And that's all I can do

Thanks for sticking with me guys 

I know I haven't been the best blogger recently 

Life has been shooting forward faster than I can keep up with it 

But hopefully I will get used to it 

I truly hope you are all doing ok

You are never far from my thoughts