I don't usually like New Years eve but this year I saw in the new year in style watching the fireworks at Sydney harbour bridge
It was truly spectacular
It's a new year
A fresh start
A new beginning
A chance to wipe the slate clean and start over
A chance to make goals and resolutions and a whole twelve months to meet them
Although I didn't make any resolutions as such
I remember a few months ago thinking that I would go in to treatment in the new year and sort myself once and for all
But now that next year is here I am having second thoughts
If I go in to treatment I have to be sure that recovery is what I want and to be honest I'm just not sure
I am so very scared of taking that leap of faith in to recovery
I feel like I can't live with my eating disorder but I also feel like I can't live without it
It's my enemy and so I keep it close
Better the devil you know right?
So whatever you decide to do this new year
Whether you starting a new diet
Or taking a chance on recovery
Maybe you vow to be a better person
Maybe your starting a new job or course
You could be giving up chocolate
Or cigarettes (I should really consider that one!)
You could be taking on a new fitness challenge
Or volunteering
Whatever it is you decide to do this new year I wish you good luck\\
I wish you every health and happiness
This life is short
So very short
We need to pack in as much living as we can
Being here in Sydney reminds me that there is a whole world out there
New countries and cities and towns
New sights and smells and tastes
People from the four corners of the world
There are so many things that I want to do
I want to walk the Camino is Spain
I want to go whale watching in south America
I want to drive down route 66 on the back of a Harley Davidson
I want to go skinny dipping in the middle of the night
I want to see gorillas in Uganda
I want to live hard
Work hard
Play hard
Love hard
I want to go to a full moon party in Thailand
I want to fall head over heals in love
I want to laugh until I think I'm going to burst
I want to go fishing in Alaska
Watch the brown bears catching salmon in the rivers
I want to share all these experiences with someone special
I want to dance until I can't stand up
I want to kiss until my lips hurt
I want to eat my favourite food when ever I want
I want to feel the full gamut of emotions instead of feeling numb all the time
I want to cry until I can't cry anymore
I want to scream until my lungs burn
I want to feel pure pleasure through my whole body
Scream in ecstacy
I want to be loved
I want to feel desired
I want to feel sexy
I want to know what it feels like to feel comfortable in my own skin
I want to wake up in the morning and not dread the day ahead
I want to like myself
I want to feel comfortable in my own skin
I want to enjoy my body instead of hating every inch of it
I want to look in the mirror and not want to punch my reflection
I want to be free
Free from the demons that plague me
Free from the obsession of food and numbers
Free from self hatred
Free from me
Here's some photos from the last couple of days
