It's the morning after the night before
You guys
I actually went!
I can't quite believe it!
On my gosh
Yesterday was tough
My anxiety was through the freakin' roof
I walked the dogs in the morning
Went in to town in the afternoon
Saw Mary at 2pm
Told her about my date
She was super excited for me
Which was nice
She told me it was completely natural to be nervous
But I was anxious to the point where I was hoping he wouldn't call
I was actually praying that he didn't like me
And because I was going out
I didn't want to take my meds
And risk being all sleepy and dopey
So I was on high alert all day
I got home from town at about 4 30pm
I was so keyed up that I couldn't eat a thing
Then I realised that I couldn't remember if we said I was going to text him
Or if he was going to text me
So I agonised over that for a couple of hours
My sister was away
So I only had my Mum here for support
But she was great
And helped me every step of the way
I decided to wait for him to text
And he did
At about 6 30pm
Hey you want to go to cinema at 8 15pm or 11pm?
Part of me was glad he texted
Part of me wasn't
I texted back
8 15pm I guess, if that suits you?
A few minutes later he rang
And we arranged to meet outside the cinema
I said I would give him a ring when I got there
All too soon it was time to get ready
To save on time and stress
I had already picked out what I was going to wear
Blue sleeveless shirt
Blue ripped jeans
My Roxy sneakers
And black leather jacket
Casual
But smart
I straightened my hair
And wore minimal make up
Before I knew it
It was time to go
But I had one dilemma
I was meeting him there
And I wasn't 100% sure what he looked like
So I had to come up with a strategy
I decided to arrive early
As I was to ring him when I arrived
My plan was to wait just inside the door
And be on my phone when he came in
So he would have to come up to me and say my name
I could imagine myself wandering up to single men saying
Are you The Plumber?
Are you The Plumber?
The hardest part was actually getting from my front door to the car
I really didn't want to go
But all I could think was that it would all be over in a few hours
And I would kick myself if I didn't go
So I said goodbye to my Mum
My dogs were sound asleep
Completely oblivious that their Mama was going on a date
For a moment I wished I could swap places with one of them
But
I got my shit together
Grabbed my car keys
And headed out in to the big bad world of dating
Once I got in my car
I was surprisingly calm
I was thinking about the most bizarre things
My head really was in a strange place
I arrived about 8 10pm
Positioned myself just inside the cinema door
Took out my phone
And pretended that I was sending some very important texts
I rang him
Told him where I was
And waited
You know the way when you speak to someone on the phone first
You kind of build up a picture of them in your head?
Well I had an image of what he looked like
I knew he was tall
But apart from that I had no clue what he looked like
I looked up from my phone
And saw a white van with blacked out windows
I suspected that was him
So I went back to my phone
I could sense him approaching
I braced myself
Hello Ruby?
Yea hey?
We headed in to the cinema
Got our tickets
He paid which was nice
He got a drink
I just couldn't stomach anything
We headed in
We were the only people there
In the whole cinema
We took our seats
And I took of my jacket as I was starting to sweat
Surprisingly
Conversation flowed
We chatted easily
Laughed at the fact that we had the whole cinema to ourselves
And bonus
He was really cute
Talk
Broad
Nice smile
Kind eye
Things were looking up...
The film started
As I said in previous posts
I was not thrilled about going to see Amy
But I had kind of prepared myself to be disconnected
So I wouldn't get upset
The documentary was great though
So much amazing footage
But it was so very sad
At times I had to remind myself that this was really her life
And not fiction
I just find the whole thing incredibly upsetting
I followed her career
Watched her rise to fame
And her spectacular downfall
To be honest
I was glad when it was over
We both stretched
And got up from our seats
We headed outside
I was kind of afraid he would suggest going for a drink
But he didn't
Do you want to come back to mine for tea or are you heading home?
I decided what the hell?
I could go for an innocent cup of tea
So I followed him in my car back to his house
He lives on his own
And has a really lovely house
Typical blokes house
Sparse and bare
With a huge f**k off tv
And various computer consoles
He turned on the tv
Made tea
And settled on the couch
Again
Conversation came pretty easily
I felt relaxed
Even when he turned off the main light and switched on a low lamp
I managed to stay cool
We were watching a show about a hypnotist
Which was good as it was funny
As soon as it was over
You guys!!!
He totally jumped my bones!
I swear I didn't even see it coming!
One minute we were just sitting there
The next he had pounced on me!
I felt like I'd been hit by Mike Tyson
Holy shit I really wasn't expecting that
I went along with it
Up to a certain point
When i started to feel uncomfortable I kind off pushed him off
And put a stop to his wandering hands
I mean he was going from zero to 60 very freakin' quickly
Go easy I said
Calm down a bit
He got the message and backed off
I was honest
I said I hadn't done this in a long time
So he really needed to pace himself
He got the message
And I was glad
I just can't even go there in my mind
And I was a bit annoyed that he had put me in that position
I mean maybe this is what happens
Maybe I am being naive thinking that good old fashioned manners are still practised
I really don't know
I decided to head home
And said so
He leaned in again
I gave a little
A very little
And pushed him off again
By now he had definitely got the message
I put on my jacket
And managed to nearly fall flat on my face as my foot caught in the strap of my bag
Ha!
Typical me
Graceful to the bitter end
Needless to say
Things were a bit awkward after that
I tyres to compose myself
And stood up to leave
I walked over to the double doors to leave the living room
But the door wouldn't open
I was pulling it and pushing it but it wouldn't budge
Eh it's the other door
Don't worry I haven't locked you in
I thought that was funny
And laughed
Oh I almost forgot
In between everything he told me that he was single
Get this
Only the last couple of weeks!
I was really surprised to hear this
As it's been more than that since he asked my neighbour about me
Red flags flying up all over the shop
I made my way to the front door
He leaned in again
Said he would text tomorrow
And I left
Oh my goodness
I was glad to get back to the safety of my little car
I started the engine and made for home
Trying to process everything that had happened
I had to smile as I though back on the night
I'm not sure if I like him or not
I mean
He's definitely good looking
But I worried that he thought of me as a one night stand
As that was really the last thing I was looking for
I arrived home
My Mum had waited up
I told her all about it
Omitting the fact that I had been pounced on
She told me that she had been half expecting me to arrive home early
Or not go through with it at all
It would have been easy to cancel
But I don't get dates that often
And I really wanted to get out there in the big bad world
Really live
Really push my boundaries
And I sure as hell did that
My sister texted me
And I filled her in
She thought it was hilarious
And I guess it was kind of funny
Men are strange creatures for sure
I was all wound up when I got home
And tried to relax with a cup of tea
But my mind just kept playing the nights events over in my head again and again
I went to bed
Read for a while
And eventually drifted off to sleep
So now it's morning
And I find myself hoping that he will text
Just to know that someone likes me would be enough
I mean he must have been attracted to me or he wouldn't have jumped me right?
Unless he was just looking for one thing
And I truly hope he wasn't
That is just not my style
And he's going to have to suck that up
I have no idea where this will lead
I mean I'd like to see him again
I think
But again
I'm expecting nothing
And not getting my hopes up
Gosh this past few days have been stressful
At least now I can relax today
Take my meds
And have a day off
During the film I did wonder what he would make of me having the same issues as Amy
He strikes me as being really good, decent and clean
But I'm also glad I didn't tell him any of my past
That would have been way too heavy
But still
It's a worry
I am just glad that I actually went on the date
And that I made it out alive
It will be interesting to see if he texts or rings
Iive in hope.....
Also
Thank you do very much for your support through all of this
You guys have been a tower of strength
And I know I couldn't have done it without you
You are all shining stars
Love you all to bits and pieces