Bulimia, are you listening?

I am so very tired this morning.
I didn't sleep last night due to being up in the night multiple times binging and purging.
It's getting worse and it's getting me down.
I don't know how to stop.
Bulimia, are you listening?
Fuck. Off. Away. From. Me
I can't take it today, take the day off, I'm giving you the day off and take ana with you..
I just want one day eating disorder free.
One day not obsessing over food and weight and numbers
You can come back tomorrow, just leave me alone today
Did you hear that?
Good

So anyway, I went in to town yesterday. On the way in we stopped at a cute little craft shop to buy my sister a birthday gift. My mother bought her a beautiful bag and matching scarf.
I'm ashamed to admit I stole a bottle of bubble bath.
I stole her birthday gift. Very classy Ruby.
I thought I had stopped this shit. Apparently not.
I can't think about it now though, it will drive me crazy.
We then went to Monsoon where I found the yellow dress I had tried on before.
I tried on the smallest size, a size 8 but it was too big and just didn't look right.
I was disappointed but the sales girl suggested another dress in the same colour. It was still a bit big but the style suited me a lot better and she pinned it for me so I can get it altered.
So yay, I got a dress and am delighted with it. I'll post pics soon.
And in case anyone is wondering, yes I paid for the dress, I'm not that bad!

When I got home I got a phone call from a lad I was in hospital with. I hadn't heard from him in ages, he was my gay bestfriend in hospital. He informed me that a few of them are getting together on the 23rd at his apartment in Dublin. They meet up about once a month to see how everyone's doing.
It's not just people with eating disorders, it's also people with anxiety, depression, bipolar.
So I think I'm gonna go. It would be good for me I think.
I'm a little nervous to go to Dublin as that's where I used to use but he said he would meet me at the train station and I'd be with someone all the time.
He also told me that another lad who had been in with us had killed himself.
I was crushed to hear this. This lad was so sweet and he was one of the smartest people I have ever met.
I know he was in a lot of pain and I guess it just got too much for him.
I hope he is at peace now.
So yea, I think I'll go and meet them.
As I said before I have a bond with these people that will never be broken. They saw me at my very worst and helped me to recover. I have so much love and time for these people
I remember one time in particular, I overheard 2 nurses taking the piss out of me (I'll write about that some other time) I was so hurt and these people rallied around me and really got me through. We helped each other through all kinds of situations and still managed to have a laugh along the way
So that's decided then. I'm going.

I hadn't eaten anything all day by this stage but evenings are my worst binge/purge time.
I broke at about 7pm and drove to the shop to buy/steal binge food
You can guess how the rest of the evening panned out.

It's a beautiful day here today so even though I'm hungover from binging and purging I'm gonna go do the cat cliff walk at the beach nearby. My 2 dogs don't care that I'm hungover, they want to go walkies.

So I hope everyone's doing ok,
Thanks for reading this and much love to you xxx