Confessions

I told Mother about the shoplifting
We were doing the cliff walk and I hadn't planned to tell her then (thinking about it, it was a dangerous place to tell her lol)
But I suddenly found a bit of courage from somewhere and decided to confess
'Mam, I've something else to tell you'
'Oh God what?'
'Mary thinks it's a good idea to tell you so I'm just going to say it'
At this point I decided to see if she knew already
'Have you any idea what I'm going to say?'
'Is it something you used to do when you were on drugs?'
'Yes'
I knew then she knew but I just couldn't find the words, shame washed over me
'You say it'
'No you say it'
She finally said 'Is it shoplifting?'
'Yes'
'Oh Ruby'
'I haven't done it in nearly 2 weeks and I really want to stop'
'What are you taking?'
'Food'

The conversation didn't last too long and I tried to convey that I was determined to stop but she knows by now that words are cheap
She pointed out that I could ruin my and destroy my reputation in our community
I know this
I haven't shoplifted in almost 2 weeks now and the truth is I used to be a lot worse
When I first moved here I was fresh out of heroin addiction
I stole everyday
My favourite haunt was the chemist where I collected my methadone
It was like a pick n mix
I stole everything from makeup to jewellry to anything and everything
I still have 2 boxes full of makeup and 2 bags of jewellry in my bedroom
Most of which has never been used
I started to feel guilty because the chemist was so nice to me, he always took the time to ask me how I was doing and was very encouraging
Over the next 5 years I would tell him about the highs and lows of recovery
Then one day a staff member told me the chemist wasn't coming back
I was crushed
I wanted to thank him so I wrote him a card and left it in the chemist for them to post
Then I found out he had been fired, the way I heard it he had been 'too friendly' to a female customer
To be honest I don't believe this, it's only hearsay anyway
But he was fired for something, I don't know what
The chemist that replaced him wasn't half as nice
I think it's the chemists loss because he was a great chemist, caring but not patronising
I started shoplifting there again
Over time I have gradually realised how stupid it is to steal from there
They are one of only 2 chemists in the town and I don't fancy having to go to the other one
Overall they are lovely to me in my chemist and I always have a chat with the girls
I often wonder if they ever knew
They could well have
So I've stopped taking from there, it's plain stupid
I remember once feeling so guilty for taking something that I was very close to going back and confessing but someone talked me out of it

So hopefully this is the end of my shoplifting career
Time to get honest
Quit while I'm ahead

I got a new camera yesterday (from said chemist and yes I paid for it) so I'll be able to add more photos from now on

Have a happy Saturday x