'Ivory'

Thanks for all the great feedback on'are we all addicts?'

It was a good documentary and really got me thinking

It reminded me of the one and only time I've used legal highs

Let me share it with you

It was a perfectly normal Saturday afternoon, drugs were the furthest thing from my mind and I was heading to my regular 1pm NA meeting

It was a small meeting only 3 of us when an extremely thin girl walked in

She was a bit flustered and when she sat down and looked into her eyes I could tell she was on something but I wasn't sure what

She spoke but didn't make a lot of sense, cementing my impression that she was a bit out of it

The meeting finished up and I ended up sharing a smoke with her out the back

She confessed that she was using, something called 'ivory'

She explained it was a legal high and she bought it in a shop (called head shops here) just down the street

I was intrigued as I had no experience with legal highs as they were new on the scene

She spoke at length and without being aware of it (or maybe I was) I found out exactly how to obtain this 'ivory'

She also admitted that she had an eating disorder and that the drug kept her weight down

Well that was it for me, I was already getting directions to the shop and making my excuses to leave

I must add this girls life was a mess, she looked like hell, owed a lot of money and was at the meeting to get help

Of course the addict/anorexic in me ignored this and only saw what I wanted to see, a way to stay skinny with the bonus of a buzz

I left with butterflies in my tummy, the way I always feel when I know I'm about to use

I could not get over how easy it was to buy this drug

It was as simple as buying sweets

I inspected the packet and it was advertised as 'bath salts' and 'not fit for human consumption'

This was how it was legal, stating this meant they fell into a loop hole in the law

I rushed home

My family were going out, perfect

I can't snort so I wrapped half the packet in tissue and swallowed  

I waited and waited and as I waited the guilt set in

What the hell was I doing?

I decided nothing was happening and it really was bath salts

I rang an NA friend to confess all

I had got to the point where I was chatting to the girl when I started to feel strange

My voice started to speed up and I felt like I was in fast forward

Shit, I couldn't confess now

I suddenly couldn't stop talking and kept her on the phone for ages

It was only when she hung up mid sentence and I realised I had been on the phone for 2 hours that I realised I was out of my fucking box

It was like cocaine multiplied by 100

My mother had come while I was on the phone

I tried to act normal but I couldn't stop talking, I literally couldn't control my mouth

She knew and I knew she knew but nothing was said

I spent the next 3 hours talking at her, complete shit of course

She escaped to bed

I tried to make tea but I couldn't get it together long enough to complete the action

I spent the night chain smoking and manically walking around my house

I started to worry when I hadn't come down by the next morning and I had nothing to speed (or slow down the process)

That evening still fucked up I confessed to my mother

I couldn't take the manic feeling anymore and retreated to my bed

I curled up  in the foetus position and prayed for the feeling to go away

The next few hours were hell as I slowly came down

I cried with relief when I finally felt normal

I was blown away how strong this 'legal high' was

I have never experienced anything like it

The feeling of not being able to string a thought together but yet not able to stop talking was terrifying

That was the last time I used ( apart from prescription drugs)

I'm kind of grateful that the experience was negative and I didn't want to use it again

It also solidified my opinion that man-made, synthetic substances are worse than natural drugs

A law has now been passed and the head shops have all been shut down

I've heard other horror stories about these drugs

God only knows what they're made of

Have you ever tried legal highs?

What was your experience?

Was it as scary as mine?

Thanks for reading and as always much love x