Happily ever after?

Hello my lovelies,
I hope this post finds you all happy and healthy,
I can't believe it's June already, my cousins wedding abroad is less than two months away and I still have no dress, no shoes, nothing.
I'm not great at putting clothes together so I need your help. I'm 5'4, small frame, my hair is brown now but will be blonde for the wedding. The wedding is in Italy so it will be hot, do you have any suggestions of what I should wear. Any ideas greatly appreciated.

What I really wanted to write about today is relationships or boyfriends. I gather from reading your blogs that a lot of you are in relationships and some are married. I myself am single and have been for a long time. I had my first serious boyfriend at age 17 and we were together for about 6 years. We both became addicted to drugs though so it was not like a normal relationship. We were more like partners in crime, we didn't go on dates or meet each others family. We used drugs and that was about it. I had a couple of flings after that but because I had stopped drinking by this point it was harder to meet people.
My next boyfriend I met in drug treatment (I know very classy) Nothing happened while we were in treatment but me hooked up when we had both left. It was amazing how many people actually got together while actually in treatment. People were secretly meeting up in the middle of the night to get it on. I think because we were all living together in close quarters and all those hormones flying about the place contributed to this.
So I met this guy who I will call John. There was a spark between us and we both could feel it. Because I couldn't go near him (no physical contact allowed) it made me want him all the more. Nothing happened between us and I left treatment first. He then left and we met up the first chance we got. He lived on the east coast and I lived in the west coast so I booked a b&b and planned to stay the night. It was pretty awkward at first and our first kiss was sweet but clumsy. We were both so awkward that we decided to go for a drink (bad idea for two addicts) so be basically relapsed that night.
I continued to see him, going to his place one weekend and mine the next and neither of us were going to meetings. Eventually the inevitable happened and we ended up using one night. That was it then, we were both back on drugs.
Things went from bad to worse and there was one terrifying night when John overdosed in my house ans I had to call an ambulance. We both knew things couldn't continue like this so in the end the relationship fizzled out.

So I guess I've never really been in a relationship clean and sober. My eating disorder also contributes to me being single for so long. There is a guy who comes to do some jobs around my house and he expressed interest in me and we even went on a few dates. He tried to kiss me once but I just don't have any feelings for him. He is kind, sweet and an all around good guy but the feelings just aren't there. But even he has found  someone else now and is engaged to be married.
I guess what I'm trying to sat is I envy those who are in loving relationships. I am at the age where people normally settle down, get married and have kids but when have I ever been normal?
I don't even know if I want to get married but maybe that would change if I met the right person. Not to sound too cheesy but I suppose I have to get to know and love myself before I can love someone else. Who knows, maybe I'll meet someone at the wedding.

Oh, remember I posted a couple of days ago that I was tempted to steal a pair of sunglasses from the chemist, well I had to go there again today and I' ashamed to tell you that I took them.
I'm beyond disgusted with myself.
I wasn't even going to admit to it but I have to be honest about my dishonesty. Wow, that's a complete contradiction but you see what I mean.
And the stupid thing is I don't even need sunglasses, I have plenty of sunglasses. I could have bought them, they were 45euros.
I swear I need my head examined, this is getting out of hand. It used to be just food but now it's other items like jewellry or makeup, all things I don't want or need.
I feel like I have let you and myself down and I really think I need to tell Mary about this before I get caught.
The embarrassment and the shame don't bear thinking about.

Thanks for reading this, any advice greatly appreciated,

Much love to you xxx