The plot thickens

Good morning lovelies,
I hope this post find you well today,
Thank you so much for your kind comments yesterday and your advice about my dress, I really do appreciate every comment and reader
I'm heading in to town today to look for a dress and I'll definitely keep your ideas in mind
I'm probably on my own here but I don't like shopping all that much, well I don't mind it but it's the trying on of clothes I don't like. A lot of the time I buy clothes on line so I can try them on at home. But I think it makes more sense to go to the shops for this dress because I do want to get it right. Wish me luck!

The dreaded night binging is driving me batshit crazy. I was up every 2 hours last night and it's just not right. Obviously it's disturbing my sleep and I'm wrecked during the day.
I'm blaming the fasting. I'm not eating enough during the day so I'm waking up in the night absolutely ravenous and then proceed to raid the cupboards and then purge.
I have a path worn from my kitchen to my bathroom.
So I'm abandoning my fast, it just doesn't work anymore. I have no other plan, just to eat enough so that I don't binge. I guess that's what most people do.

The heat was stifling as I was walking my dogs this morning. It reminded me of a summer I spent in London when I was 23. Before the summer I was living with my mother in a renter house as her and my father had separated a couple of years previously. By this stage I was a few years into my drug addiction. Things were chaotic to say the least. My mother was doing everything she could think of to get me to stop but to no avail.I wanted to stop but I didn't know how and the sickness and mental torture I felt when I didn't have drugs was too much to bear. My aunt in London came to my mother with an idea, she had heard of an outpatient service in the city that dealt with drug addicts. They detoxed the addict with a medicine called subutex and then implanted them with a device so that if the addict used they would get no affect off the drug. I know it sounds a little crazy but we were desperate. I agreed to going mostly because I just couldn't carry on the way I was and I needed a break.
So off we went to London and the next morning I had my first appointment. I remember the Dr's name was Dr Kindness. He prescribed me the subutex and also prescribed me valium and another med I can't remember the name of. This surprised me because valium is highly addictive but I went along with it.
The detox was relatively straightforward, I guess because I had valium and sleepers and I also drank heavily.
Then came time for the implant. They implanted the devise into my hip and it released a drug called naltraxone into my system over a 6 month period meaning if I  used heroin in the next 6 months it would have no effect. Soon after I heard that a place in treatment had come up for me at home so I travelled back and went as soon as I could. I will save the treatment story for another day. But did the implant work?
Well it kept me in treatment for 6 months but after almost 6 months to the day I used again, the drugs had no effect and in fact the implant worked for almost a year, that didn't stop me trying though.
I have since found out that Dr Kindness and his team of implanters were closed down because they were prescribing too liberally. Go figure.
So yea the heat this morning reminded me of that summer in London, I spent most of it in a drugged up stupor but strangely I have fond memories of that summer, weird I know.

On that note I will leave you with my alltime favourite joke,
How many therapists does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, the lightbulb has to want to change itself

Thank you very much, I'm here all night. lol!

Anyway time to go dress shopping, I hope you enjoyed this installment of a day in the life of a messed up girl.

Enjoy your Saturday,

Much love to you xxx