Home Sweet Home and Holiday Photos

I'm back on home turf
I'm aware my last post was quite negative about my holiday but things kind of improved towards the end of the week
I always seem to find that I only start to enjoy myself just when it's time to return home

One of the highlights of the week was when we went to Verona to see the opera Aida
The opera was set in the Arena Di Verona which has been standing since the first century
It was an amazing setting, it held 40,000 people
We were sitting in the nose bleed seats right at the back but the stage was so big it didn't matter
As the sun set everyone lit little candles that they had handed out and it looked so beautiful
It was 4 hours long but was so worth it just to experience it
On the drive back to Sarnico I counted the prostitutes on the outskirts of the city

I don't need to tell you that I struggled enormously with food
I'm sure it was totally obvious every time I excused myself after a meal or snack to use the bathroom
I could have played safe and restricted but I didn't want to miss out on the gastronomic delights of Italy, a bulimics paradise
So eat I did, pasta, pizza, steak, overflowing sandwiches with crunchy bread
Towards the end of the holiday I obsessively took photos of everything I ate
The food was so colourful when it was served but the plate looked so ugly when the food had been demolished
 But 10 days of restaurant eating soon gets old and I am glad to be home without the pressure of eating breakfast, lunch and dinner everyday
On the day we left I braced myself to try and squeeze myself back in to my jeans that had fit me perfectly on the way over
Thankfully I slipped neatly in to them
Relief, maybe I hadn't done as much damage as first thought

Our last night was spend in Bergamo
Compared to the sleepy village of Sarnico it was all hustle and bustle
I loved it
Being able to walk down the street as just another visitor and not Ruby the eating disordered, heroin addict was such a joy
I love the fact that no one knows your history, you're just another face in the sea of people

I am so glad I pushed through my anxiety and went on this holiday
I would've been so angry with myself and deeply regretted it if I had backed out
It was the first time myself, my brother and my sisters had been on holiday together and we took some lovely photos

So now I am home
Back to reality
In one way I'm glad to be home, my eating disorder demands 24 attention these days and it was not one bit happy with the unpredictability and spontaneity of meals abroad
But in another way I am sad to be back
I got a taste of the life I could be living while in Italy
The friends I could have
The partner I could meet
The places I could go
The experiences I could have
Instead I am back to a life ruled by food and numbers
An unwilling slave to this sinister illness
It feels like a cruel joke
Flirting with the life I could be living and then thrust back in to a nightmare
If I were smart I would use this as the catalyst to get well
Jump at the chance while I still remember the feel of the warm sun on my skin
What better motivation
But I know all too well it is not that simple
The answer is not a geographical one
My sister who lives in Australia is home and as I type she is making homemade chicken soup
She is banging around the kitchen as if she were building a house
The perfect antidote to a week eating rich food
I am already planning how I will get out of eating it
Planning a detox and maybe a fast
Bulimia is somewhat tired after her food holiday and is handing over the reigns to anorexia
No doubt she will gladly accept
How will this pan out?
Watch this space I guess

Anyway on to the photos
We tool so many that I'll probably post them in stages and maybe do an Italy food post
Myself and my family are in these photos so I may take them down in a few days

Anyway enjoy.........