Yes I know, I always seem to be watching documentaries on BBC 3
It was part of a season of programmes about loving/hating your body
It followed 4 girls in the year running up to the pageant
The girls were all ranging in size from 18 - 30 and everything in between
One of the girls (size 18) complained that she felt too thin compared to the other girls
The girls went through training for the pageant
Things like how to walk and how to pose for photos
Each girl had their own story
Some had been battling with their weight for their whole lives
Some had recently put on a lot of weight
But the common thread was that they had accepted and embraced their bodies
They were all beautiful girls but I have to admit I found it hard to believe that anyone could accept their body at that size
But they did
They were outgoing, bubbly, cheeky and brimming with confidence
They even had a swimwear round in the competition
As I watched the programme and listened to the girls I couldn't help but be endeared by them
They were normal girls just like you and me
They had the same insecurities
There were parts of their bodies that they didn't like but overall they accepted themselves and didn't see any reason to change
One of the conditions of winning the pageant was that the girls couldn't lose a significant amount of weight for the following year
A beautiful Essex girl called Gemma won the in the end ( I was glad, I was hoping she would win)
She truly did look beautiful
As ashamed as I am to admit it, sometimes I judge people who are overweight
And especially if they are unhappy with their weight
I think to myself 'If you're not happy then do something about it!)
And of course other words come to mind when you think of the word fat, like lazy
No one in my family is overweight so I have no experience of knowing someone who really struggles with their weight in this way
We've all seen the programmes on tv
'The 500lb man' or 'The 600lb woman'
It's like car crash television
We know we shouldn't look but we can't tear our eyes away
I guess it's the same with someone who is emaciated
It's the extremes that fascinate us
And yes I have judged these people
I'm disgusted by how I look therefore I feel the same way about these people
Logically and rationally I know I'm not overweight
My scale says I'm not
My clothes say I'm not
But I FEEL fat
I feel fat therefore I am fat
At my highest weight I was 130lbs at 5'5
Still in the healthy weight range for my height but in my head I was obese
I couldn't stand being in my own skin
I wanted to unzip my skin and step out of it
I look at photos from that time and cringe
It didn't suit me
I have a small frame so any extra weight really stands out
I went shopping yesterday to buy clothes for my trip
No mean feat trying to find summer clothes in the depths of winter
I found 3 tops I liked and took them to the changing room
As I stripped I caught sight of myself in the mirror
I felt like punching my reflection
Like screaming at the top of my lungs
Even though the clothes that I was trying on were a small size, I still saw a grossly over weight person staring back at me
I came out of the shop and unloaded on to my mother
'I'm so fat!'
'Am I really that fat?'
'Why didn't you tell me I was fat?'
She tries to placate me but it makes no difference
I know that no matter how small I am I will always see a fat girl
I'm a fat girl living in thin girls body
After watching this documentary I felt real admiration for these girls
They are bucking the trend and I love that
Every magazine, tv programme, actress, model tells us that we should be thin
That thin equals happiness and success
The thinner the better
But these girls have found that happiness does not come in a dress size
Does not depend on the number on a scale
You don't have to be skinny to be popular or loved
People who really love you will love you no matter what size you are or what you look like
So is big beautiful?
Well how can a size be beautiful?
Big isn't beautiful
Small isn't beautiful
It's the person within the body that is beautiful
Beauty radiates from within
If someone is truly beautiful it goes beyond the shell of a body
It resonates deep inside and shines out through every pore
Do you ever notice that sometimes a person can be physically beautiful but because they are a mean spirited person they begin to look ugly
Or the opposite, a person may not be typically handsome but because they are such a beautiful person it shines out of them
Why do we judge ourselves so harshly on our weight?
Why do we put so much effort in to being skinnier?
I have every weight from 77lbs to 130lbs and was equally miserable at all of them
And after all the body is just suitcase
Carrying the precious cargo that is inside
We have been conditioned and brainwashed to believe that thinner is better
Mostly by the media
That's why I love people like Adele
She has a great 'take me or leave me attitude'
I'm sure she has felt massive pressure to lose weight
To fit the mould of the perfect popstar
But her talent is so great she doesn't need to rely on her appearance
Her talent stand alone
Lady Gaga has received a lot of criticism over her recent sudden weight gain
Reports suggest that she has put on 2 stone
But I thought that she was definitely too skinny in videos like 'Born this way'
In fact I found this video very triggering to watch
But now she looks normal
She has curves and a shape
She has hit back by saying that she has 'battled anorexia and bulimia since I was 15'
And '"My boyfriend prefers me curvier. When I eat I am healthy and not so worried about my looks, I'm happy. Happier than I've ever been.
I can't imagine how difficult it must be to be in the pubic eye and have your weight scrutinised by the whole world
I know I couldn't deal with it
But I admire these women for not buckling under the pressure to conform
Now if only I could apply that in my own life............
Do you judge people who are overweight?
Hi! I saw this too, and I liked it, but I must admist I am a little baffled at times because obesity has health risks as well, and one of the girls, kirtsy I think, who had post natal depression and gained weight from that, made a comment that skinny girls weren't happy and it was pure stupidity... and I was like, well you just said you overate and were miserable, maybe they are miserable and feel the need to undereat so I didn't appreciate that comment. But I do agree it was nice that they could celebrate their size, I just sometimes don't appreciate how media raves big is beautiful when overweight is unhealthy too, but thin is frowned upon when those girls need help and to love their bodies as well, you know?
ReplyDeleteLove you xxx
I agree Nina, these girls can't be healthy and not all of them were happy with their size
ReplyDeleteI think I just like it when people rebel against the norm and stand up for what is right for them
I don't think weight equals happiness no matter what size we are
I really don't like the pressure girls are put under to look a certain way
How boring it would be if we all looked the same
Love you too x
Unfortunately I do judge them, not personally but more with just thinking to myself "that's what you look like, that's how lazy you are, that's how you'll be if you eat." I use other peoples obesity to scare myself skinny and keep myself 'healthy'.
ReplyDeleteBut everyone that I know who has a bit of weight, they have a thousand times more confidence than me.
Take care you are beautiful xx
It's true Melrose, just because we are thin doesn't mean we are happy or confident, that comes from within
DeleteTake care of you too x
I adore bigger people. Yes, the happy ones (and mostly of them are). There’s something warmly about them, sparkling, bright while the skinny ones are sad, mean and cold.
ReplyDeleteI must admit I judge the ones who come attacking me because of my looks (no matter what size they are). Not the sincerely concerned ones, but people with mock smiles accompanied by words “you look sick! What do you eat?” or something… it hurts and as a defense factor I judge them back. So wrong. I’m really ashamed of that.
It's hard not to judge Greta but we all do it at some stage
DeleteI can't understand how someone could get to a few hundred pounds and be happy that way
But yes we are judged too for being too skinny x
This made such a difference to me. It's really made me think, and I also agree with you. I do judge people who are overweight, because that's what I am. To me, it's like i'm judging myself, and also that they don't have the control to change it.
ReplyDeleteBut for the people above, like Adele and Lady Gaga, I really understand. I want to get to that point one day when my weight no longer controls everything. Thank you for posting this.
Your so welcome Camille, I'm glad you can identify x
DeleteYes, like you I do judge overweight people to an extent. I think I just judge their attractiveness and not really their personality. But you're right, the person inside the body matters more than the body itself. There are many overweight people that are so bubbly and have such contagious personalities that I think they're gorgeous even though they don't fit the beauty standard.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad they can accept their bodies but it's also probably not good for women who are overweight to want to gain to fit a standard. Just as losing weight when skinny isn't healthy, gaining when you're overweight isn't healthy, so I don't really like that aspect.
But I am glad they accept themselves.
And I really appreciate celebrities like Adele and Lady Gaga for going against the trend of society.
Thanks for posting this!
Your welcome Emily
DeleteI think we judge ourselves so harshly so sometimes we judge others in the same way
I think as long as we are happy and healthy then that's all that matters
I'd love to be more confident with my body but I don't know if I'll ever accept it x
Very nice post. I'll admit that I can be a bit sizest, though I try to remind myself that a lot of overweight people use food for comfort, just like some of us don't eat for comfort. Both are disordered.
ReplyDeleteI think its awesome that Lady Gaga has basically told people to just shove off about her weight gain. I can't imagine being in the public eye, constantly scrutinized. Good for her!
Thank you!
DeleteIt's true, we all use food, we just use it in different ways
Some of us turn to it and others turn away from it
I know, I think Lady Gaga is brilliant for not caring what others think, she is beautiful x
I find myself judging people by their size all the time. I mean, it's always just in my head, but it's still bad. And it's not just larger people that I end up judging, it's everyone. It's a constant "I want to be that skinny", "I would feel horrible about myself if I was that size", "I bet she doesn't eat either". I think that's human nature though, to compare ourselves to others. I definitely agree that beauty is on the inside, but the most direct way to express it is to show it on the outside. Your figure is the first thing people see when you meet them face to face. As much as I wish it wasn't true, no one can truly say that they look at the inside first.
ReplyDeleteGreat thought provoking post!
_Mystic_
Thanks Mystic
ReplyDeleteYou are right, we judged and are judged by our appearance all the time. It's the first impression we get of someone and it's human nature to make assumptions about that person x
I find myself judging everyone. If a girl is too skinny, I wonder if she is like me. If a girl is heavier, I wonder what it is that she has that I don't. It's natural.
ReplyDeleteXOXO
It is Katie, I think we do it without even realising x
ReplyDeleteI admire those girls so much. Getting up and doing that kind of thing at any weight takes major guts!
ReplyDeleteI never used to judge people on their weight. I just went "That's soandso, that's how they look" and left it at that. I took people based on how they treated others and how they acted.
I'm more judgemental now, mainly of strangers and hypocrites and rude people. If someone is a bitch they can expect I'll rip the shit out of them no matter WHAT their size is. If they're being a cunt to the people around them or they're rude to me or they complain they can't lose weight when they're eating maccas for every other meal and never taking the stairs then I'll put on the judge wig and go for broke.
I feel sorry for celebrities and how anything and everything gets picked on. They just can't win! As for Gaga: Fuck what the media and her boyfriend thinks. So long as she's feeling happier and physically healthier FUCK WHAT THE REST OF THEM SAY. I liked her when she was toned, but not when she got too thin and now I want to snuggle up beside her and put my head on her stomach and got to sleep.
Lol, you with the mirror is like a celebrity with the media. You'll never win so avoid the uneven battle. Pick stuff you like the look of that suits your bodyshape and colours that look good on you and give the finger to the fucker telling you you're fat. Trust me: The noisy fucking birds and massive spiders of Oz won't give a flying fuck what you look like ;) Try to get stuff that will be comfortable, ok?
Love you Ruby, sorry if this shit isn't making any sense. My excuse: It's my friday.
*Huggles* love you so much <3
You are so right Peri, I'm never going to win the battle of me versus the mirror so I don't know why I even try
DeleteI just have to accept that my perception is warped and I don't see what everyone else sees
It's hard though because that means you can't believe your own eyes which is very weird
You make perfect sense, you always do
Hope you're ok
Love you too x
"Big isn't beautiful. Small isn't beautiful. It's the person within the body that is beautiful"
ReplyDeleteThat just really struck me and I know it's going to stick with me. I have been doing all these awful things to get thinner and numb the pain and in turn it's just made me grotesque. I guess thanks for bringing attention to it, even if it is a shitty realization to make.
Hope you're ok Clytie x
Delete