Spot the anorectic

There is a girl in my area
I meet her from time to time
Mostly when I am walking my dogs
She speed walks up and down the beach and she is very underweight
I've never spoken to her
We just say hello as we whizz by each other
I saw her yesterday
She was ahead of me in the queue at my supermarket
She bought a bag of lettuce, plain yoghurt and bananas
Spot the anorectic
I bought chocolate and crisps and biscuits
Spot the bulimic

I am sure that this girl has an eating disorder
I wonder if suspects that I have one too
I am oblivious to my size
I go around thinking that no one knows I have an eating disorder
In my head I am a normal weight
I can't understand how anyone would guess that I am ill

For me, I find it quite easy to spot someone with anorexia
She's the girl examining food labels at the supermarket
She's the girl speed walking and looks like she's about to take flight
She's the girl whose body is so small, her head looks enormous
The girl whose eyes look massive in her head
The girl who eats nothing in public but binges in private
The girl who looks so scared
The girl who wears baggy clothes but you can still see her bones
She is a perfectionist
Her best is never good enough
She almost apologises for existing
She overly cautious
Afraid to step outside of her routine
She is in a constant state of anxiety
She feels that she has to be on the go all the time
Otherwise she is lazy

She's the girl who takes an hour to eat an apple
She cuts her food in to tiny pieces
Sometimes she weighs and measures her food
She weighs herself religiously every morning
Carefully recording any gain or loss
When she gains her whole day is ruined
When she loses she feels good
And then on to the next target

She believes that she is a bad person
Because she lies and keeps secrets
She believes that she is a burden to her family
That they would be better off without her
She believes that everything would be ok if she could just lose X amount of pounds
She remembers every comment anyone ever made about her appearance or weight
She stores them all in her head
She can never erase them

She feels that food is the one thing that she has control over
But realistically she knows that she is out of control
She wants to stop
She really does
But she doesn't know how
People are frustrated with her
Her family
Her friends
Her doctors
But she still can't stop

Sometimes she feels like she is going crazy
And fears she may already be there
Sometimes she feels like there is no hope
But she still keeps trying
Sometimes she gets angry with her situation and asks 'Why me?'
Sometimes she breaks and binges and purges for days at a time
She can't stop

Like most people she been through a lot
But she is more sensitive than the average person
She seems to feel things a bit more

Having said all this she is a fighter
And somewhere deep down, she believes that she will get through this
She is blessed to have amazing people around her
Who would do it for her if they could
If love could get her well, she would well be on the road to recovery

Even though things look bleak she believes that it won't be this way forever
She believes that there is hope
That there is life after an eating disorder
That one day all of this will be a distant memory
Someday.........