Friday, 2 May 2014

NA

Just a quick post to let you know that I did it!
I went to the meeting
I can't quite believe it
It's been 2 years since I was last at a meeting
And I finally got my bony bum there

Today was hard
I argued with myself all day
Picked up my phone numerous times to cancel
But I couldn't think of a reason so I didn't
I wasn't sure how much medication to take today as I didn't want to be drowsy
But I also didn't want to be anxious so I finally decided to take the recommended daily dose
I wasn't as anxious as I thought I would be
I wasn't as scared as I thought I would be
It would have been so easy to let my eating disorder and addiction win
It would have been so easy to stay at home in my safe little bubble
It's would have been easy to go in to hiding
But I didn't
I went
And now I feel so good

My friend and her boyfriend picked me up about 8pm
We chatted the whole way there and anything and everything
My friends boyfriend reminded me that the last time I saw him was about a year ago
I remember I met him at a garage
I told him I would see him at the next meeting
It's hard to believe that a whole year passed by before I got to that meeting

We arrived at the venue and there was both an NA meeting and an AA  meeting on
I decided to go to the NA
It was a small meeting
Just 7 of us
I spoke only briefly
It was so good to listen to the others
They talked so much sense
And so positive
So real
Exactly what I needed

I met a girl there that I haven't seen in years
The last time I saw her she was in a bad way
She had an eating disorder and addiction issues
To listen to her tonight was amazing
She has come so far
And she helps others with eating disorders
We spoke after the meeting
She asked me how my eating was going
I told her the truth
How I was stuck in the binge purge cycle
How I nearly didn't go tonight as I thought I was so fat
She told me that I was the thinnest person she had seen in a long time
Boy did my eating disorder love to hear that

I'm back home and I feel tired but so glad that I went
I am so grateful to my friend and her boyfriend
To have people like that in my life
I feel positive
I feel hopeful
I feel alive
With love from at

12 comments:

  1. PrettyLies2 May 2014 at 18:41

    I love you so much dear. I hope you can have more nights like this. <3

    ReplyDelete
  2. hiding_in_public2 May 2014 at 20:25

    My problem isn't drugs.. it's alcohol and bulimia, but I have to say.. meetings make such a difference. I'm not sober and really not even close, but it helps to hear others. They stop and ask me how things are, and they tell me to call them or talk to them. No matter how shit my life is, it's wonderful. I think that's what you experienced. I think people are powerful. Hopeful people, even sick people if they have something we can identify or learn from. Sorry, I'm rambling, but I know how terrifying it is going into meetings and how amazing it can be leaving. Glad it brought you hope

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ruby Tuesday3 May 2014 at 00:35

      The meeting gave me so much hope
      The people are so amazing
      So generous to help others and tell their story
      Now I feel stronger and more positive
      I'm so glad that I went

      Take care x

      Delete
  3. Bella2 May 2014 at 22:37

    Well done Ruby! I am so frikkin' proud of you right now. I know it's something you've been trying to do for a long time now, and I'm so happy to see you finally did it. It sounds like it helped you a lot in some way, to feel so positive, and that was just one meeting! I hope you can find it in you to keep going, even just to have the support of like-minded people.
    xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ruby Tuesday3 May 2014 at 00:38

      Woops! I left your comment down below
      Silly Ruby x

      Delete
  4. TheWriterNamedA2 May 2014 at 23:23

    Weel, I feel proud.
    You did good, ....
    love,
    A

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ruby Tuesday3 May 2014 at 00:37

      Thank you so much for your support
      It means so much to me

      Love to you x

      Delete
  5. Ruby Tuesday3 May 2014 at 00:37

    Thank you so much Bells,
    I know you know how long I have been trying to do this and it feels so good to have finally done it
    I can't wait to tell Mary!

    I'm going in to town today to get you a little something
    I'll let you know when it's in the post

    Love x

    ReplyDelete
  6. josie135 May 2014 at 00:58

    So proud of you Ruby! The first meeting is the hardest to get to. I have been trying to get to the OA meeting that is only 2 blocks from my house for 3 years now.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Peridot (G+P)5 May 2014 at 20:34

    Going to a meeting where you get positive reinforcement for reasons to stay the fuck away from narcotics from people who understand the hell you're in.

    BEST. IDEA. EVER!

    You rock <3

    ReplyDelete
  8. Alie5 May 2014 at 20:48

    I'm so proud of you for pushing through the fear and anxiety and going! That's so great! I'm glad you were able to be in a supportive and healing place and really felt good about it! You're awesome!

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for leaving some love x

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