In your dreams

My sleep continues to be a problem
I'm not going to bed at all
And just napping on the couch
It means that I am sleeping during the day
Which also means  that my food is all over the place

I was talking with my sister yesterday
And she asked me if I am having bad dreams
Then it occurred to me that yes, I actually am having bad dreams
Horrible dreams
I have recurring dream that I am using drugs with my ex-boyfriend
And they are very graphic dreams
Where I actually use the drugs
I always wake up in a panic
Thinking that I have used
It's such a relief to realise it was just a dream
I used to have this dream from time to time
But now I have it almost every night
And it's becoming distressing
Maybe this is the reason that I don't want to go to sleep?

I looked up these dream meanings
But the meanings are very subjective
They could mean different things to different people

Recurring dreams points to unresolved issues, negative thinking patterns, unhealthy behaviours or unexpressed emotions in your waking life

Ex partner dreams
To see an ex-partner usually represents a personality trait in yourself based on whatever quality or memory stands out most about that person. Ex-partners are very open symbols that are based completely on your most honest memories and feelings about them. Ask yourself what's the first thing that pops in your head when you think about that person. 

Alternatively, an ex-partner may reflect a bad habit or a failure you're experiencing. They may also represent the return of a recurring problem. If you really don't like your ex they may reflect a negative situation that is repeating itself in your life. Ex's can also reflect the re-experiencing of breakups or unpleasant relationship scenarios. 

Ex-partners can sometimes be a sign that you are unconsciously repeating bad habits or that your falling into the trap of dating someone who is just like your ex. 

If you still have feelings for your ex then they may symbolize your lingering desire for them. They could also represent your desire for something in life you really want, but feel is unattainable. A certain type of experience you want, but feel is not possible. 


I couldn't really find a proper explanation of a drug dream
At least one that made sense to me
But it must mean something
I'm pretty sure that it doesn't mean that I want to use drugs
As I am not thinking about them or craving them
But there is part of me that thinks I may relapse in the future
So maybe that is something

As regards my ex boyfriend
I haven't seen or spoken to him in years
And I have no desire to
Our relationship wasn't a typical one
We were both addicted to drugs
So we weren't doing things like going out for dinner or going to the movies
We bought drugs
And did drugs
And that was about the height of it

So I guess it's up to me to find out the true meaning of this dream
It could be unresolved issues
I know I felt a lot of guilt when I moved away from my old town and boyfriend
I was lucky enough to be starting a new life
And he was stuck in the old one

My addiction was also when  my eating disorder started too
When I was using I stayed in my boyfriends house
There was never a scrap of food in the house
And because we were using 
We never really ate any way
When the drugs ran out
I went home to recharge my batteries
There was lots of lovely food in the house
And I felt so overwhelmed by it all
I also felt so guilty that I had food and my ex-boyfriend didn't
He was also very skinny
And I always felt that I was bigger than him
I really wasn't but I felt like that at the time

I guess what I need to do is sort out all these issues in my head
Talk about them to someone
Or write them down
Get them out of my head
I suppose I do have unresolved issues
And I need to make sense of them
I'm not looking forward to delving in to my past
But if it means that I get these horrible dreams sorted
Then I will do that

I remember when I was in treatment 
There was a sign on the wall that said

'Those who do not examine their past are doomed to repeat it'

It makes sense I think



I was wondering about you
Do you ever experience recurring dreams?
Do you know what your dreams mean?
I'd love to know