I have put all my 'anorectic' clothes away
I haven't mustered up the courage to give them away
But they are hidden away, gathering dust, at the back of my wardrobe
It was a sad event putting them away
I'm not sure why
Maybe because I saying goodbye to the girl that I was
That scared lonely girl
I'm not that girl anymore
I have taken back control of my life
I am not living life on anorexia's terms
I'm living the life I want to live
I acknowledge my past
But I don't dwell on it
I think about the future
But it doesn't frighten my any more
I happy to live in the now
To be present right at this very moment
Before writing this post
It crossed my mind that it would be lovely to sleep for the day
And I was tempted to take more meds
But as I popping the pills out of the blister pack
I stopped myself
What would this achieve?
I would miss the whole day
And then I would have no meds for tomorrow
So I stuffed them back in
And walked away
If only I could be this sensible all the time
Because I have been re-gaining weight
I have found that the most comfortable clothes are those with an elastic waist band
So I have been wearing a lot of leggings and loose trousers
Yesterday in town I picked up a few bits
Here they are........
 |
| White t-shirt (Essential for summer) Dorothy Perkins Pink, black and white trousers, River Island (So comfortable) |
 |
| Black, white and orange trousers - River Island |
 |
| Mint green hoody - Billabong |
 |
| Blue and white top - Dorothy Perkins Blue jeans - G star (Have had these for years but they rarely fit me so it's nice that they do now, I love them) |
you were sensible today. that is what mattered.
ReplyDeletei'm currently battling the urge to drug myself to be honest. i don't take any medication. like...i don't take medicine for a flu or a cold. i just wait for it to pass. the last time i willingly really took any meds was when i had a pain so bad i genuinely wanted to amputate a body part.
but now, i've gotten into this stupid habit of taking anti-histamines (relatively safe) just to fall asleep and to forget about the whole day and whatnot. they make me so drowsy and even my father has concurred they are relatively safe. but the only reason i take them is because i want to sleep.
i'm so happy to read this. i woke up feeling so low and all i want to do is cry so this just made me feel so happy for some reason. you always give me this feeling.
no favourite item of clothing for summer unfortunately. considering i live in a very religious place (i.e. in the Middle East), all our clothing is the same year round. just covered with layers and whatnot. even in the house, i blush when im not wearing my cardigan. it's strange but it's how i was brought up!
-Sam Lupin
Way to go. I too am favoring loose pants myself. I call them my recovery pants. Pants that pull on me in any way shape or form (even those that fit properly) remind me of weigh gain so I figured loose pants would be best.
ReplyDeleteThey look fantastic on you! Love them! And the shirt in your last photo is very cute. Keep on keeping on!
Hey there lady with the gorgeous bright smile! :)
ReplyDeleteI'm proud of you for putting the meds back. You're right, all it achieves is a lost day, no meds but more temptation tomorrow. Even if you can't say 'no' every time, every time you do is a win, don't ever lose sight of that.
I always love seeing your fashion choices. I love the pink-white-black trousers, and the blue and white top. Very nice
<3 xx
I think it's natural to be sad. Even if you're recovering. I think it's because you're not used to the change?
ReplyDeleteIt's great that you didn't take the meds ^_^
You look great in the hoodie :)
Love,
Christie
Well, an ED free life, an addiction free life, is something to be very very very happy aobut. To strive for...
ReplyDeleteBut it has been a part of your life and you as a person for so long, it might mean that giving up all these familiar ways and means, makes you go the a period of mourning. It is a loss of everything you know and what defined your identity for a long time...
So it's ok to have mixed feelings.
But keep looking forward, meanwhile. To a brighter future. A future with great teeth, I dare say, and a future with more health, more chances, more real life...
And the future needs people like you..
(L)