There's something about Mary

I saw Mary yesterday
It was my second last session with her
I have my last one next week
And then I'll probably never see her again
It was a really positive session today
We acknowledged the positive changes that I have made
We talked about how far I have come in the 3 years that I have been seeing her
The have been a lot of ups and downs over that last couple of years
Euphoric highs
And crippling lows
But I got through it
With Mary's help
 I got through it

I have seen countless therapists and counsellors over the years
There was  the one who gave me a Weightwatchers book
The one who told me that I was 'emancipated' (I think she meant emaciated)
So many came and went
But Mary was by far the best
I don't know why
Maybe because she had so much experience
Maybe because she understood that an eating disorder has very little to do with food
Maybe because I felt I could tell her anything
Whatever the reason
She has impacted my life more than she will ever know

At one point she asked me how my dogs were
I began to tell her about Lea
When I went in to hospital before Christmas
Lea took it particularly hard
She missed me a lot and it showed in her behaviour
Then her fur started to fall out
She had quite a big bald patch on her back
When I came home from hospital
We brought her to the vet
But she could find no reason for the hair loss
As Lea was perfectly fine in every other way
She wasn't ill
She was eating as normal
I remember wondering at the time if it was stress
The stress of me being sick
And then me going away
Lea is a particularly sensitive creature
So I was worried for her

When I came back from the UK on Monday
I checked Lea's fur to see how it was doing
I was delighted to see that it had fully grown back
And now you would never know that it had fallen out at all
I was telling Mary about this yesterday
She said it was known that animals had side effects when their owners were ill
And that they recovered when their owners recovered
I think that is so amazing
Lea got well when I began to get well
It makes perfect sense

I want to get Mary something
To say thank you
I will get her a card a little gift
She has done so much for me
She's been a huge part o my life
And of my recovery
She has been an integral part of my story
The part where I finally manage to make some progress
Where my happily ever after begins

We talked also about how life can be so unfair sometimes
How some people seem to sail through life
With very little hardship
Everything seems to fall in to place for them
And they don't come up against many obstacles
Mary said it was important not to compare myself to others
But I can't help it sometimes
When I see someone my age with an amazing life
I can't help but feel envious
That's natural I guess
Mary pointed out that material gains aren't everything
And she is right
My mother said to me recently that given everything our family has been through
We are not doing too badly at all
This is so true
My family has had more than it's fair share of heartache and misfortune
But we have come out the other side
Stronger
And closer
And grateful to have each other

I could spend my days feeling sorry for myself and my situation
Yes, I have had it hard
I have had to deal with a lot
But I do believe that everything happens for a reason
Even if that reason is not 100% clear at the time
I firmly believe that my life has a purpose
There is a concrete reason as to why I have gone through what I have gone through
In a lot of ways I am truly blessed
I have an amazing family
Two fantastic dogs
A roof over my head
Food in my fridge
Clothes on my back
In a lot of ways I have had it easy
Very easy
I know a lot of people who have suffered way more than me
There I go comparing myself again

Anyway
I am glad that I got to meet and work with Mary
She touched my heart
And helped me in so many ways
I am lucky to be leaving her in a good place
Now it's time to move on
I know what I need to do to stay well
I just have to do it

Goodbye Mary
Thanks for everything
You are one in a million
There most definitely is something about you......