Update!

Hi everyone
Gosh I see it's been a week since I last posted
It's so good to finally get to a computer and write
I've missed you all
But then I guess it's a good complaint to have as I have been busy
I came to London a week ago
And today I am just back from York which was amazing
I know some of you bloggers live in that area
So it was really great to see that part of the word

Anyway
How have I been dealing with food I hear you ask
Well the first few days were good
I got 4 purge free days in a row
This was mainly because I didn't have a safe place to purge
There is only one bathroom in the house I am staying in
So I really don't want to purge there (Although I did today)
Things were going well food wise
I was eating regularly
Having meals with my family
Even having breakfast
Breakfast is a friggin' revelation to me
Usually my breakfast is a cup of tea and a cigarette
But here I have been having actual food
And then I don't crave sugar
I don't crave chocolate
I feel just full enough
Why has no one told me about breakfast before?
Is it a new phenomenon? (Joke!)
How have I missed it all these years?

But over the last couple of days slowly but surely
The purging has crept in
And has made many unwelcome appearances
I have found ways and means to do it
Even in the most difficult circumstances
Once an addict
Always an addict

My sister is at home minding the dogs
She texts me every day
I miss them so much
I very nearly didn't come on this holiday
But I'm glad that I did

My Auntie was talking to me the other day
She made the point that mother has had it very hard
What with me and my two sisters problems
She said that my Mum is so giving
And so caring
That she needs to be looked after sometimes
At first when she said this
I felt really upset
As I thought she was saying that I chose my problems
And chose to be difficult
Because I really didn't
I made this point to her
She said that she knew that
After we had that chat
Her words played on my mind
My Mum really does so so much for me
In a lot of ways she is like a carer to me
She supports me financially, emotionally, physically
And I am a grown woman
She shouldn't need to do that
I think my Auntie has a point
My Mum needs someone to look after her sometimes
To fuss over her
And pamper her
I guess my Mother slips in to the role of 'carer' so naturally
That I forget that she may be having a bad day
Or be dealing with something that I have no idea of
I need to be more mindful of that

Growing up I wasn't that close to my mother
Or any of my family really
It wasn't until I began having problems that we grew close
And now she is the closest person to me
But I am the youngest of four grown children
And my mother is not getting any younger
I have really noticed it on this holiday
How tired she gets
How she can't see
And needs to sit down sometimes
She is 64
It's time that someone looked after her for a change

I am glad that my Auntie brought this matter up
Now that I am trying to get well
I can be more aware of this
And I can do something about it
My mother has been through so much over the years
There are 6 in my family
And four of us are addicts
And have some sort of mental health issue
She has had to be so strong
So understanding
So forgiving
She has taken more shit than one person could ever deserve

Well this post has taken a different turn
I was going to tell you all about my holidays
But this has turned in to a post about my mother

In other news I have spent so much money here already
I seem to have a problem in that I can't hold on to money
The second I get it in to my hand
I am handing it over to a shop keeper
I have bought some clothes
Presents for my sister and my friend
Even collars for Honey and Lea
My name is Ruby and I have a shopping addiction
No really
I do

I won't get to catch up on your blogs yet
But normal service will resume when I get home on the 18th
I hope you all are doing ok
I've been thinking of you
I'll post again as soon as I can
Until then
Take care
And stay safe

At this point I would usually shoe you photos
How ever I won't get to do that today
So I'm afraid you will have to wait a little longer

All my love,

Ruby-Tuesday x