2004

This time 10 years ago
I was heading in to drug treatment for the first time
I had already done a detox inpatient
But this was the first therapeutic community I had entered
I had spent the summer in London
Doing an outpatient detox
My Mother had organized everything
Things had gotten so bad that she was willing to take drastic measures
I didn't object as I had just no fight left in me
And I needed a break from the  madness

We stayed with my Auntie B, Uncle N and my two cousins
My second morning there we had an appointment in the outpatient center
It couldn't have come soon enough as I was all out of drugs
My Auntie B and my mother came with me
Something I remember about that time
Is the endless fights with my mother
And that morning was no different
I was dilly-dallying as ususal
And my mother was keen to get out the door
The detox couldn't have started soon enough for her

The place was called the Stapleford Centerer
It was in Victoria
As we sat in the waiting room
I looked around at the other addicts also waiting
They looked so ill
I wondered did I look like them
Of course the answer was a resounding yes
A bit like anorexia
I just couldn't see it

Eventually the doctor called us in
His name was Dr Kindness
I always remember that name
He asked a  lot of questions
And explained about the detox
I would be put on a drug called Subutex
And it would be decreased every second day
Until I was down to nothing
Then I would have an implant of Naltraxone fitted
This was a little tube of medication that was inserted in to my hip
It would secrete Naltraxone in to my system
It lasted 6 months
This meant that if I used
It would have no effect
Naltraxone is an opiate blocker

To my surprise
My doctor also put me on a variety of other meds
Including valium and other Benzos
I was quite shocked as these drugs are also addictive
But I was an addict so I was saying nothing
I was just glad to have a little something

The next day I started my Subutex
This was a drug that was put under the tongue
And it dissolved in to the lining of the mouth
I was also taking liberal amounts of the Benzos
To top that up
I started raiding my Aunt's alcohol press
There was a huge bottle of vodka in there
I remember I didn't eat at all
I just drank all day
This left me in quite a stupor
My poor mother having to look at me
I used to sleep on the couch
So I stayed up all night
Smoking up the chimney
Drinking
And watching MTV

I remember one day we went to the pharmacy to collect my pills
And it was closed
If you want to see an addict panic
Just cut off their supply
And that's exactly what I did
Panic
I needed those tablets
I really needed them
At least the addict in me needed them
Insisted that we go to another doctor
As the pharmacy that was closed had my script
I remember we went to a doctor in one of the busy train stations
I can't remember which one
But I'm sure my mother can
After waiting for what seemed like an eternity
I finally got to see the doctor
I explained my predicament
And he was very understanding
Maybe a bit too understanding
He gave me my Benzos with very little question
I didn't care
I was just happy to have my pills


The detox lasted about 3 weeks
It was relatively painless
But that was because of all the booze and pills I was taking
But no one realized how bad things had got
So we ploughed ahead with the next step
The implant
When the detox was finished
I had to wait a few days
And then it was time for the implant
The doctor put local anaesthetic around my hip
A little cut was made
And the implant was slipped in
I watched the whole thing

So now I was implanted
There was no point in using
As it would have no effect
Thinking back I little understanding of what was happening
I was more or less frog marched over to London
And I didn't protest as I just had no fight in me
I was tired and worn out from using
I needed a time out
To recharge my batteries
So I went along with it

Before I had left for London
I had done as assessment for a treatment center in Dublin
And was waiting to hear back from them
Early September I got the call
They had a place for me
By now I had realized that I might as well go to treatment
As there was no point in going home
Not if I couldn't use

So my mother and I headed back to Ireland
I was still pretty much out of it all the time
Because of the booze and pills
We arrived in Dublin
I was due to go in to treatment the next day
We stayed with a friend of mine that  night
I remember drinking myself silly

The next day came all too quickly
I was too out of it to be nervous
But I had no idea what to expect
All I knew was that it lasted 16 weeks
And to me that sounded like forever
I got my stuff together
And we headed for High Park (It really was called that!)
I remember it was a nice day
My friend and my mother came with me
And I entered treatment for the first time

To be continued.............