I can't quite believe it
I was such a heavy smoker
And I genuinely thought that I couldn't give them up
Smoking was the first thing I did in the morning
And the last thing I did at night
I loved smoking
I enjoyed nothing more than a cup of tea and a cigarette
But over the last few months I hadn't been enjoying them as much
Mostly because they cost so much
I was spending almost 100 Euros a week on the buggers
My uncle got me two cartons of cigarettes in Turkey
It was then that I decided to give them up
I smoked my head off for two weeks solid
And got through 400 smokes in that time
That's over 30 a day
How did I even have time to smoke that many?
All the while I was mentally preparing myself to give them up
Psyching myself up
Then on the morning of Monday 11th of August
I found myself with one cigarette left
I held on to it for a couple of hours
I really wanted to relish and enjoy my very last smoke
Conditions had to be perfect
I made a cup of tea
Fetched my book
And sat on the seat outside
I lit it,
And took deep drags
I thoroughly enjoyed it
I didn't want it to end
But it did
And that was that
I didn't tell many people that I was giving up
Because I wasn't sure if I would be able to do it
Everyone told me that I had given up worse in the past
But this was different
I don't know how but it was
I decided not to use an e-cigarette
Or gum
Or patches
I just wanted to see how I would do cold turkey
I wanted to give them up when I wasn't at home
I thought it would be easier that way
As I didn't have the same habits as I did at home
Fast forward 25 days
And here I am
I am no officially a non smoker
That is so awesome!
I have to admit that one of the reasons that put me off giving up
Was the fact that I could possibly gain weight
I think I have a gained weight
But I have to weigh up which is more important
To be a skinny smoker
Or a curvy non smoker
I choose the latter
That means so much to me
That I can choose that option
It means that my ED has loosened it's grip on me
6 months ago
I would rather have died than put on weight
How things can change
As I said
I used to have a cuppa and a smoke
I did my best thinking then
And anything can be resolved over a cuppa and a smoke
Now I have had to change my routine
Now I have a cuppa on it's own
Or I might have a few squares of chocolate
And that's ok
There have been other benefits to my non smoking
I have a lot more money now
So I can give my mother some every week to contribute to bills and things
It makes me so happy that I can help out
And anyway
It's only right that I do
Also I no longer smell like an ashtray
My clothes and my breath are all crisp and fresh
I also feel like I am breathing easier
That is a huge benefit
Having said all that
Right now
Right this second
I would give my left arm for a smoke
In fact I have been dying for one all day
I was standing outside a cafe today
And there was a man smoking
I actually stood close to him so I could smell the smoke
And maybe even inhale some
I got chatting too the man
He told me that he had given up smoking before
But he went back on them when his weight reached 150kg
Talk about encouraging!
I am reluctant to give myself too much credit though
As I could go back on them at any second
I do know this
But I am doing the best I can
And that's enough for now
not only are you doing the best that you can,you are doing incredibly!(sorry if spelt wrong,one of those funny words you know?). always feel so positive after reading your posts oh and i love your dogs.lost by beloved whippet few months back,miss her so much.i am going to try giving bad stuff up tomorrow,wish me luck.lots of love jo xx
ReplyDeleteThanks Jo
DeleteOh I am so sorry that you lost your dog
That is heart breaking
I hope you find him x
Well done dear sweet you...
ReplyDeleteSo proud...
(L)
Thanks A
DeleteThat ,means a lot x
I'm on day 7! I didn't smoke nearly as much as you did though so I probably sound like a whiner. It's difficult to give it up because for some reason there's nothing like sitting on the porch with coffee, a book, my thoughts, and just be alone. I've tried to start taking a moment and eating sunflower seeds or praying and meditating during the time out I would take to smoke it's starting to work a little but it's simply willpower too. I haven't gained any weight in fact, I've been losing weight lately so I mean it's really just if you're using your time to eat or you stay active during and stuff. Good job dear! We can kick it. :)
ReplyDeleteYay!
DeleteVirtual high five!
Well done you
And you are so right
We can totally kick it! x
Congrats!! It's crazy how many cigarettes you can get through in a day and how quickly the $ add up. I've cut back from 45+ down to maybe 30-35 over the last few months, but I kinda expect it to go back up when I cut back on the green stuff.
ReplyDeleteMaybe it was different/harder to give up because it isn't as taboo as things like heroin? People assume cigarettes are easier to quit but when there are so many smokers in the world and they're so easy to get, it changes things. Like you said, you could start again any second, you could've asked that man smoking at the cafe for one. It's more acceptable. Just some food for thought.
<3
xx
you are exceptionally brilliant, Ruby. as always, you never fail to astound me.
ReplyDelete25 days. that's nearly a month. congratulations, and you did it all on your own, which just makes it even all the best.
i think that Bella does have a point. the fact that it is "more acceptable" does have its effects. to be honest, cigarettes have given me nightmares beforehand. i used to have horrible nightmares about an issue that did happen, and i cannot look at a box of them without feeling the slightest bit nauseous.
i have smoked one once at 16 (not related to the topic above) and i still freak out that my parents will find out (my parents absolutely do not accept the fact that smoking is an alright thing to do, mostly my mother as she believes it is not permittable by religion (it is but it is not favourable) as well as the fact that my father's family has a long, long history of lung cancer.)
-Sam Lupin