Her story

I was listening to the radio this morning

As I walked my dogs

I love listening to phone in and chat shows

There's something comforting about listening to others speak 

And not having to contribute

I usually listen to the same show every day

It's a phone in show, with all sorts of topics and guests

I can't walk without listening to something

Because I don't want to listen to my own head

This morning a girl called Ciara was interviewed 

The chat started out in a general way

And I wasn't sure about where it was going

Ciara spoke about when she was a child

And how she compared herself to others

And how she felt ugly

She was bullied as a child

And this confirmed all the negative beliefs she had about herself

I think I knew where this was heading

As it sounded very much like my own story 

As a teenager Ciara developed anorexia

She stopped eating

Or purged anything she did eat

And started exercising

Her family got her in to therapy

But she was totally resistant to it

Ciara described herself as a perfectionist

A stereo typical anorectic 

When age was a bit older

Ciara was admitted to John of Gods psychiatric hospital in Dublin

And did the eating disorder programme there 

Under Dr. Terence Larkin

My ears pricked up as I heard this

As this is the hospital I've been in many times

I had to laugh as I heard her comment that Dr. Larkin wore lovely socks

Because he did!

She described how she played the staff there

Toms them what they wanted to hear

But still maintained her disorder

She also described how she picked up tricks in hospital from the other girls

I am with Ciara in this one

Sometimes hospital can be like a school for EDs

You learn more about the disorder

Maybe how to purge

How to manipulate your weight

How to hide your disorder

Similar to a criminal going to prison and becoming a better criminal

Going to treatment can help you learn more about your disorder

This admission didn't work

And Ciara continued to starve and purge

She was then admitted to St. Patrick's hospital in Dublin

Where she completed the eating disorder programme there

I was also I this hospital

However my experience was not as positive as Ciaras 

This was the start of her recovery

Then her Grandad died 

And Ciara began to re evaluate her life

She began seeing a therapist in her home town

And described how she saved her life

She is now in recovery

She also writes a good blog over on Wordpress 

Which I had a look at

I loved listening to Ciaras story

It is similar to mine

And yet different 

She says herself that she is lucky to be alive 

I feel that way too

I was just talking with my addiction counsellor Breda yesterday

How I am so lucky to have made it out relatively unscathed

Considering what I have been through

I am not doing too badly 

Ciaras story is testament to how things can turn around for us

That there is always hope

And recovery is always possible

She described how recovery is not a destination

It's a process

We never arrive at recovery

We are always on a stage of it

I have no doubt that I was meant to hear this story today

I firmly believe that situations are put in our way to help us

We all have a story

And those of us with EDs and addiction have a very important story

I am hoping that through this blog

That my story resonates with someone

And helps them feel not so alone

My blog is not about telling people how to recover

Heck, I am only just figuring that out for myself

But my blog is as much for you as it is for me

I love to read honesty

And gear honesty at meetings 

When I hear honesty

It almost gives me permission to be honest to

And that in turn encourages others to be honest

It's s chain reaction

I am doing well at the moment

I met a good friend yesterday

Someone that I haven't seen in years

We went for tea

Had a great chat

And then got a meeting

Meetings are helping more than anything right now

I'm getting out

Meeting people

Talking to people

Making new friends

It's truly amazing how things can turn around

I am full of hope these days 

Not just for me

But for you too

Hearing Ciaras story today has done me the world of good 

It just goes to show

That if you surround yourself with positive people and things

Then that will rub off on you

Today is a good day 

Everything is exactly how it should

And I for one am glad to be alive