Meetings, Mary and many deep breathes

As I am finding out

90 meetings in 90 days is not as straight forward as you may think

I was due to go to an evening meeting last night

But then couldn't go as my meds had me quite sleepy 

And I didn't want to drive

So today is Day  3

And I am going to go to two today to make up for yesterday

Even though I'm only back at meetings a short while

I can already feel the benefits

My mood has lifted

I'm not craving a drink or drugs 

My head is clearer

The committee isn't as loud

I'm being more sociable

And my family have noticed too

I'm not so moody

Or irritable

Dare I say it

I'm behaving more like a normal person

Oh and I have some great news

I am seeing Mary today!

She rang me last week to arrange an appointment

And I am super excited to see her

For those of you that don't know

Mary is my ED therapist

I saw her for three years before the funding for her job was cut

But thankfully she has now been reinstated in her position

And I for one am delighted to have her back in my life

Mary is by far the best counsellor I have seen

I've seen many over the years

And most have tried to help

But only a couple really managed to

No doubt Mary will weigh me today

Which I am not looking forward to

When I last saw her

I was bordering on a healthy weight

But I'm sure that I look a lot different to the last time she saw me

I just keep having to remind myself that I am of a normal healthy weight

My weight is stable at a BMI of 20

And that is good

I still weigh myself every morning

For the last few mornings I've been bang on the same weight

I am ok with it

I'm not ecstatic about

I would love to weight five pounds less

But I accept this weight

And I am not actively trying to change it

But still

It will be hard to stand on another unfamiliar scale

In this country

We are known for our drinking

That's a stereotype

But we do as a nation drink a lot

However 

Over the last few years 

Another craze has taken off

And that is fitness

In all forms

Running

Walking 

Jogging 

Cycling

Spinning 

Yoga

Pilates 

Cyclists regularly use our road 

And there are many  MAMILS

( Middle aged men in Lycra)

Now every where you look 

There are people kitted out in running gear

The colourful trainers

Tight black running leggings

Head bands

Hats

And of course headphones

They are everywhere

I see them when I walk my dogs 

When I look out my window

Buying healthy food in the supermarket

Going in to/ coming out of the gym

Oh yes

This new breed of people are taking over

I'm not a huge fan of working out 

Only that I have two dogs

I probably wouldn't walk every day

I tried running a couple of times

And hated every second of it

I don't wear proper work out clothes

And don't own a pair of trainers specifically for running 

When I walk I usually wear a track suit or jeans

And my high tops

I always feel over dressed as I pass all you lycra  loving ladies 

Why am I writing about this?

I guess because I'm feeling the pressure to fit in

To swap my high tops for high preformence trainers

And my comfy jeans for colourful Lycra

I feel the pressure to start jogging

To move more 

And eat less

I feel left out because I am not part of the 'fitness gang'

Years ago it was the trend to be super skinny

Now it seems to be all about getting healthy, strong and fit 

Which is more preferable to bring thin

But there is still pressure to conform 

I definitely feel it

But I know I have to be careful

As my ED can take over

And obsession kicks in

I guess a lot of us have to watch that

It would be nice to find a happy balance

To exercise for enjoyment and health

And not to lose weight

I was wondering about you

Do you feel pressure to exercise and work out?

Have you ever like me battled exercise addiction?

Do you exercise now?

I'd love to know