Neighbours

I think I mentioned recently that one of my neighbours died 

An elderly man

Now his wife is left alone

I call over a few times a week to run some errands for her 

And walk her dog 

Yesterday she asked me to pick up a couple of things for her from the shop in the village

I collected the items today

And called over to her

Her hearing is quite bad 

She doesn't hear the doorbell

So usually I give a loud knock 

And let my self in

I walked through the living room

And in to the kitchen 

She had her back to me

And got a bit startled when I said her name

Just then I realised what she was doing

She was pouring herself a glass of white wine

It was 10 30 am

I didn't know what to do

So I said nothing 

And acted like I hadn't seen anything

Then she told me she was planning on driving to the church down the road

I became worried as it is dangerous for her to drive at all

Never mind when she has drink on her

This makes me worry

I've known for some time that this woman and her husband like to drink

A lot

They met in AA over 20 years ago

But some where along the road 

They started drinking again

The woman was hospitalised a couple of years ago due to complications from drinking

She was in hospital for months

It was nothing short of a miracle that she pulled through

There has been trouble in that house over the years

Disruption

The guards were called numerous times

They often injured themselves from falling over while drunk

And then a couple of months ago 

The husband suffered a stroke

His wife didn't call the ambulance until three days later

As she though he was slurring his words and having trouble moving because he was drunk

He was hospitalised

And died six weeks later 

Now the woman is on her own

Her mind is sharp

But her body is old and weary

She really can't afford to be drinking

If something happens to her

If she falls or passes out 

There is no one there to help her

It's really very worrying

This is the ugly face of addiction

This is what happens when it gets a grip on someone 

All common sense and logic goes out the window

And the drink or drug takes over

If I need a reminder of the damage that addiction does

I need look no further than in to this woman's house

She is very much on her own 

No one ever calls to her house

She rarely seems to see her family

It's a sad and lonely existence 

Today is Day 5 for me

I got to two meetings yesterday 

An AA at lunch time

And an NA last night

It was my first NA meeting

And what a breath of fresh air it was

It was a small meeting

Four guys and me

I was so warmly welcomed back

Which made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside

I just have such a good feeling about this

About recovery 

My meetings 

And the people in them

I have an instinct that I am on the right path

That if I keep recovery focused

Then I can get my life back on track

When I was using

I was behaving so out of character

So shady

Lying 

Cheating

Sneaking

Plotting and planning

Ducking and diving

Trying to hide it from my family

The tension in the house 

The worry on my mothers face

No drug is worth that 

No drug is worth my peace of mind and my families too

Now I am getting back on track

My family can breathe a sigh of relief

They don't fully trust me yet

That will take time 

And I understand that

I am willing to do the work

One day at a time 

I've had to stop weighing myself

It was becoming a bit of an obsession

And anyway 

I've been the same weight for the past few months

Give or take a kilo 

I'm not entirely happy with my weight 

I would love to be 5 - 6 pounds less

But I can live with this weight

Just about

So I am in a pretty good place 

My head is a quiet place today

I'm working hard to stay well 

To keep steady 

To stay clean and sober

To nurture my relationships

And earn back trust 

I was saying last night 

That maybe it took this relapse to get me back on track

And if it did 

Then it was so worth it

I regret nothing it's made me the person I am today 

And that person is not a bad person 

I will get a meeting in tonight 

And a couple over the weekend 

I'm actually looking forward to it

And that my friends

Is a freakin' revelation!