Stereotype

I was reading an article in the Sunday Times magazine yesterday

It was an exert from a book called The time in between: A memoir of hunger and hope

Written by Nancy Tucker

Who developed anorexia when she was a teenager

The pieces started off with Nancy talking about her need or desire to be perfect

In school

Her work

Her appearance

Her body

I guess the stereotype for an anorectic is a middle class white girl

Privileged 

Prone to perfectionism

A good girl

Although that's not entirely true

The stereotype persists

Nancy developed anorexia at the tender age of twelve

And was locked in a battle of wills either parents for the next few years

She was hospitalised

Dropped out of school

Her whole world became about avoiding eating

She just wanted to be thin

But of course anorexia becomes something else entirely

A prison 

A locked box that is nigh impossible to break out of

When Nancy was 15

She stopped eating completely

A single morsel didn't pass her lips for 93 days

She came to the realisation that she was going to die if something didn't change

She wanted to recover like 'the homeless want three inches of snow'

But she she knew she needed to

If she wanted to live

Slowly Nancy began to recover

She regained weight

And got her life back

She describes recovery as 'an up and down, hop-skip-jump progression and once you reach the finish line the referee will inform you that in fact - surprise! There is no finish. There is only a bumbling, stumbling, getting back up and crumbling now. There is only today'.

This article was a fascinating read

I could identify with some parts

Some parts I couldn't 

I don't fit neatly in to the diagnosis of anorexia

I was never the 'good girl'

The high achiever

The perfectionist

I was always pushing the boundaries

Seeing how far I could go

I guess in the early years of my illness

I was strictly anorectic 

But even then it wasn't straight forward

I was addicted to drugs

And so wasn't aware of my ED for the first few years

And over time

I developed bulimia alongside it

Complicating things further

Bulimia is the antithesis of anorexia

As I always say

If anorexia is cold and silent and aloof

The bulimia is loud and brash and on your face

Anorexia is all about denial 

Restriction 

Punishment

Bulimia is all about indulging

Over indulging

Trying to flip that hole in the soul

Then purging the body of the excess

They are opposites

But on the same spectrum

Both serve the same purpose

To numb

To escape 

To hurt

And they do that job well

I guess I am a mixture of anorexia and bulimia

I swing between the two

And could display behaviours of either on a given day 

Take yesterday

I didn't eat anything for about 20 hours

But this morning

It's only 11am

And I've already eaten crisps and chocolate 

Like I say

It's one extreme or the other

Recovery is a tentative word at the moment

I'm as well as I can be

I haven't used in two weeks 

But my meds are still a bit all over the place

This week I am thinking of giving my meds to a family member to dole out to me every day

Just while I get back on track

As for my ED

As I said 

I think this is as good as it gets for me right now

My weight is stable

But the purging persists

Some days I might purge once

Some days it could be five times

But this is a vast improvement 

I think back to 18 months ago

I was out of control

Smoking 30 cigarettes a day

And spending €100 euro on them

That left me with about €90 for the week

And that went on binge food

This is also part of the reason I used to shoplift

Some thing I haven't done in a long time now thankfully

I spent my days binging and purging

I had a path worn from my kitchen to my bathroom

Endlessly marching the March of an active bulimic

Ovet working the toilet

To the point of breaking it on two occasions 

I was a mess

I am now just a year in to my recovery

My mood has improved dramatically

My anxiety is under control for the most part

My health is infinitely better

Both mentally and physically

My quality of life is so much better

And now my addiction recovery has started

It's sad that it took a relapse for me to finally see I needed help

But

It takes what it takes

Now I feel like I am on the right path

I feel motivated and positive and hopeful

I feel like I have a shot at having a good life

A sober life

Today is Day 3 of my challenge 

I'm hoping to get to a meeting tonight

And I'm feeling nervous already 

All I can go is my best 

That is enough

I say my doctor this morning

He drug tested me

And my urine is now negative for everything

That feels good 

Now I know the drugs have left my body

And I can concentrate on getting on with the rest of my life

I was wondering about you

Do you fit the stereotype for anorexia or bulimia?

What do you identify as ED wise?

Do you think the stereotype for anorexia is accurate?

I'd love to know what you think......