3 Years

My blog is three years old today

It's hard to believe

Time goes past so quickly

I can remember three years ago like it was yesterday

I had been reading blogs for some time

And saw that there was a great little community here on blogger

I wanted to be part of it 

I was so entrenched in my illness

So lonely

Depressed

Anxious 

Afraid

I rarely left the house

But as much as I was afraid of living my life

I craved to be around others like me

I was welcomed in to this community with open arms

It was a safe place to come and be honest

Without fear of being judged

While I was in midst of my illness

I was accepted 

And there was no pressure to recover

I was knee deep in my disorder for the first two years of my blogging

Then last year things changed

I had just come out of treatment 

For the umpteenth time 

I felt utterly hopeless

So low

So scared for my future

I ended up overdosing

And I didn't tell anyone 

Until a week later

When I told Mary

She sprang in to action

And I had an appointment with my psychiatrist the next day

He assessd me

And changed my meds

Adding in Prozac

I didn't hold out much hope for the new meds

Ive been on so many different anti depressants over the years

And they rarely work

So I was hoping against hope

However

A couple of weeks after

I began to feel a little better

The fog dissipated 

My depression and anxiety lifted 

And I began to feel hope again

I managed to get my binging and purging under control

That was massive

As I had been purging 10-20 times a day

It was killing me

Slowly but surely 

I began to gain weight

And yes my weight did rise to a place where I wasn't entirely comfortable in my own skin

But now it seems to have settled

And I can live with it

Just about

As time went on

My quality of life improved

I gave up smoking

My relationship with food was better

I started going to meetings 

Which is a huge help

And I generally felt a lot better

About me

My life

My world

Blogging through all of this has been amazing

To have documented every up and down is so awesome

I can read back

And see how far I have come 

Also to share it with you

You all have been a big part of my story

I have met the most amazing kind, caring and thoughtful girls here on blogger

Some of you have been with me from the very beginning

Some are more recent

But you all mean so very much to me

You are true friends

And I am eternally grateful for that

So Happy Birthday dear blog!

Thank you for saving my sanity so many times 

Here's to another 3 years.....