Appointment with Mary

Today was pretty busy

I was asked to open the lunch time meeting today

Which meant that I had to have the room open and ready

Provide tea, coffee and snacks

Mind the money

Put chairs out

And read the preamble

I have to admit

I was really nervous to do this 

And spent all day yesterday fretting about it

Which led to an epic binge/purge session 

That lasted all freakin' day

This morning I was a bit calmer

I had a job to do

And I was determined to do it well

I arrived at the meeting venue at about12 45pm

I arranged the chairs in a circle

Put the kettle on

And generally got the place ready

It felt good 

I felt like I was really part of things

And that I could be trusted to do this job

Another lady came then

And helped me 

One by one people trickled in to the room

And at about 1 05pm

I started to open the meeting

There was a lot of reading to be done

And I was anxious about that

But somehow o got through it

Without letting my anxiety get the better of me

When that was done 

I was the first to share

And we went around the room

Until everyone had shared

After we all said the serenity prayer at the end

I breathed a sigh of relief

I did it

I got through

It felt great

Then this afternoon 

I had an appointment to see Mary

I have seen her in about eight months

So I was really looking forward to seeing her

I settled in the waiting room

And soon I saw her friendly face PPP around the door

I followed her to the room

As soon as I walked in 

I saw the dreaded scales in the corner of the room

My heart skipped a beat

And I quickly looked away

We caught up for a few minutes

I filled her in on what has happened since I saw her

I told her that I am planning to do a course in September

But that I was very nervous about it

Mary told me a story about her going back to college in her forties and getting her degree

And now she is doing her masters

It was really inspiring to hear

She never ceases to amaze me

Mary reminded me of the first time I ever met her three years ago

She said I was so numb

So hopeless 

So battered by my ED

She compared them to now

And said I have come a long way

She sldo spoke about the ED conference that I spoke at two years ago

She said that people still tell her how my speech impacted them

That was so nice to hear

We decided that I would see Mary for eight sessions

And then reassess after that

It's great to have the support for my ED

And I feel like now is a critical time for me

I'm on the verge of being in recovery 

And I want it so badly

So all in all it was a good day

I'm now going to sit down with a hot cup of tea 

And relax......